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I’m equal parts giddy with excitement and scared to be on my own. For the first time in my life, I’ll be alone all night. It’s surreal. I put on the brave act. I tell everyone to treat me like a grown up, but here I am, almost twenty-one years old, and scared of the possible existence of the boogeyman.
With my book box in Aiden’s strong arms, he steps into the living room and stops. “Where do you want this?”
“Bedroom, please. Chuck it in the closet on the floor. Please.”
He smirks and gently bumps my shoulder with his as he passes. “Gotcha.”
Barely a whole minute later, tension and anxiety leech into the room. Bobby passes with my second box and follows Aiden into the room, and because IknowJim’s right behind me, I turn. I canfeelhim. In the air. In the electricity he generates inside my body.
I watch him as he watches me. His chocolate eyes sparkle with words he doesn’t dare say out loud. Long hair hangs in his lashes and moves when he blinks. Instinct after two decades of stepping in and brushing them aside whenever I want has my body at war.
Reach out, tuck his hair away.
Stay back, keep your hands to yourself.
We’ve spoken nothing more than pleasantries since the day of his date. I don’t dare ask how it went. I don’t ask if she’s pretty or smart or funny. I don’t ask if he’ll go out with her again. And I definitely don’t ask if he’s in love.
None of those answers would make me feel good.
“You excited for your own space?”
I nod. I’m a mute idiot.
“You remember when Kit and B were in Europe?”
I nod again. “When you came over and yelled at me?”
He laughs. It’s not his real laugh. Not the Jimmy I know and love, but it’s a good effort. “Yeah. When you claimed you wanted space then, too.”
“You didn’t let me stay alone while they were gone.”
He shakes his head and watches the floor. Kit and Bobby were gone for a month. Jimmy made me cry at their wedding. I slept at Tink’s apartment that night after the newlyweds went to the airport, then deciding to be a grown-up, I went back to their house the next day and cried into a tub of ice-cream.
“Where the hell have you been?”He stormed into the house like a hurricane set on devastation. I was in my fat girl pants, first trimester bloated, heartbroken, so lonely I wanted to be sick, and the boogeyman was hiding in every dark corner. I was a mess, and all he wanted to do was let himself in and start shouting.“You scared the shit out of me, Bubs! I’ve been calling you since last night.”
I shrugged.“Busy.”
“Busy!?”I swear, had I been one of the guys, he might’ve hit me.“You’re busy with your ice-cream, and I’m cruising town having a heart attack. What the fuck, Iz?”
“What the fuck what, Jim? What’s your problem?”
“When Kit and Bobby are here, at least I know you’re safe. But they’re not here, are they? They’ve been gone a day, and you’ve been incognito. I’ve been freaking out looking for your ass!”
Another shrug. Another teary spoon of ice-cream.“I was here. I’m right here.”
“You weren’t here last night! I was here, and you sure as shit were not!”
“I was out.”
His chocolate eyes blazed with fury.“Out? Out!”I literally waited for the dragon’s fire.
Since I met him, Jim had never been mad at me. He’d been mad at loads of other people. I’d seen mad Jim a million times before. But never once had his rage been pointed at me.
“What the fuck! I tried to give you space, Bubs. I really did. I didn’t want to force myself up in your face. But if you’re gonna drop off the side of the planet the second Bobby’s not here to check in, then I’ll be here. Every single fucking day, I’m parking my ass on this couch until you learn how to return a damn phone call.”
Confused beyond words, I sat and watched him storm out of the room as fast as he entered. But this time, he didn’t pass through the front door. He went through to the kitchen. He picked up the house phone and dialed, and despite my pathetically blotchy face, despite my heart ache and confusion, my curiosity got the better of me.
I followed him in and stopped to watch him pace the kitchen as far as the curly phone cord allowed.“Who are you calling?”
