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I’m nervous. I’m not sure why, but I really am. This is such a big decision to make, and up until eight hours ago, I thought she was a he. I was so sure. And thoughQuinnwas my grand plan, could be used for either sex, it doesn’t feel right.
She’s not a Quinn.
“Bubs?”
I lift and drop my shoulder. “I don’t know.”
“Any thoughts?”
“I was kind of thinking Quinn, but it doesn’t fit–”
He shakes his head thoughtfully. “No, I don’t think it does, either.”
While he stares off into the distance in thought, I work to rearrange my numbing ass on the wheelchair. Instant regret, tears rush to the surface as the numb goes away and my stitches make themselves known. I forgot about them. I forgot. I cry out in pain and suck in a startled breath before I vomit from the ache.
His eyes snap to mine. “Woah! Are you okay?”
Holding up a hand between us, I silence him and concentrate on breathing. That hurt so fucking bad. Stinging radiates through the lower half of my body. My vagina makes its presence known. Bile swirls in my throat and my tongue goes dry with how dramatically I breathe through the pain.
“Bubs? What’s the matter?”
“I’m okay.” Breathe in, breathe out. Bean continues suckling, business as usual. This is her fault! Her big head is the reason I have stitches. “I forgot my stitches. I moved. Forgot.”
“Oh.” Then, “Oooooh!” His eyes roam my body. “I don’t know how to help you.”
“It’s okay. I’m okay. I just moved when I shouldn’t have.”
“Do you need pain meds?”
“I’ve already had some. It’s okay.” As the throbbing lessens, I stroke Bean’s hair to distract myself. Distraction. I need a distraction from my mutilated vagina. “I was thinking Lucy.” My words are a whisper. I look up to meet Jim’s eyes. “I don’t know why, but I like it.”
“Lucy?” He nods. “It’s beautiful. A beautiful name for a beautiful baby.”
“Lucy James Hart Kincaid. Kind of a mouthful, huh?”
“Really?” His voice cracks with emotion.
“Yeah, it’s a pretty big name, but she’s strong. She can handle it.”
“No, I meant the James bit. And Kincaid. You want to give her my name?”
“Do you mind?”
My earlier insecurities come rushing back to the surface. I remember for a moment the shame I felt, the panic that he might reject us. She’s not his.
But the smile on his face wipes those thoughts away in an instant. “No, I don’t mind, Bubs. I’m fucking honored.” A single tear spills onto his cheek. “Thank you so much. That makes me so happy.” He softly lays his lips on the crown of Lucy’s head even while she continues to nurse. It doesn’t feel awkward. I feel like my world is finally,finallycoming together. “I love you so much, Bubs. I love you both.”
I stroke his hair while he strokes Bean’s. She continues to suckle, and as three, we create a full circle. We create a family. We create the family that I always hoped for.
