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The feel of her breath on my neck, the way her fingers clutched me as if I were her life raft.
And all I wanted to do was comfort her. About another man no less.
You. Are. A. Fool.
She couldn’t get any closer, yet somehow she did, as if she sensed the change happening in me, and she wasn’t going to let it happen without a fight. That was the delusional part of me thinking.
She wouldn’t fight for me.
She’d spent our entire relationship fighting against me.
Yet I was still curious to know what had happened on that damn sailboat and why she was terrified of the water.
Don’t listen. Don’t care. Get up and leave.
So I did still have some rational part of my brain. Wonders never ceased.
And I should use that brainpower on my daughter. Not the woman who had raised her who still pined over another man. I’d spent most of my adult life not being enough. I wasn’t going to do it again.
I untangled myself from JoJo and instantly felt the cold. She blinked at me as if I’d hurt her. I resisted the urge to comfort her again.
I hated feeling so angry. Part of me knew it shouldn’t all be directed at JoJo. After all, she was doing what she thought was right according to what Alma had said. And it was Alma who lied to my face for twenty years. But . . . the anger was consuming.
“I’m going to bed.” I stormed toward the door as if my feet were on fire.
“He died because I couldn’t swim.” The wretchedness in her voice was enough to stop me. “The storm came on so fast. The boat capsized and splintered. A piece of it hit him in the head. I tried—” She choked as if still in that place. “I couldn’t get to him. I tried, but I couldn’t.” Her eyes were glassy. “Have you ever watched someone die?”
I shoved my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching for her. “No.”
“I didn’t deserve to live.” She looked down. “All I could see when I closed my eyes was him being sucked into the depths. They never found his body. It was my fault.”
Her pain sounded as fresh as if the accident had happened yesterday instead of so long ago. And that irrational jealousy surfaced because she still cared for a man who was dead. What was wrong with me?
“I was going to drown myself,” she hiccupped. “Alma found me on the beach. But I couldn’t find the courage to let the water touch my feet.” A few tears leaked down her cheeks as pain lanced through my chest.
She had such a tender heart. And the thought of seventeen-year-old JoJo so tormented by her failure to save someone nearly tore me in two.
She was put on this planet to save those in need, whether plant or animal or whatever. Even one failure wasn’t acceptable to her.
Who else cared about others so deeply?
Hold her. She needs you.
But I remained rooted in place, consumed by my anger toward her and my love. No, not love. I had to get rid of this hold she had on me. With every second, she seemed to sink her claws further into me.
Her shoulders shook as she folded in on herself. Quiet sobs escaped like arrows pointed straight to my chest.
Don’t do it. You will regret this.
I’d regret it worse if I let her suffer alone.
I sat on the sofa again and cradled her against me. Her tremors grew more violent. I kissed her hair, her forehead, her cheeks. She ripped my heart out as sobs turned to wails.
She beat on my chest before she locked her fingers behind my neck.
“I screwed up everything.”
My heart lurched. “It was an accident.”
