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There was no victory until Penelope was back with us.
JoJo.
She hadn’t spoken to me since Dr. Hotshot left. I felt her withdrawal, and I just didn’t have the energy to worry over something else.
Maybe it was better if she hated me. If she hated me, she’d continue to withdraw . . . and I wouldn’t have to keep disappointing her. And perhaps, then she wouldn’t be in danger. I had no clue Alma was such a loose cannon, that she was capable of such . . . evil.
Seeing Penelope this way was agonizing. Surely I needed to stay focused on Penelope right now and not be distracted by JoJo’s feelings. I knew how to distance myself from people I— Who was I kidding?
You love her, Zegas.
She was everywhere. In me. Around me.
And when we’d made love, it wasn’t meaningless pleasure. We’d cemented our bond on another level. One I didn’t understand because I’d never been that way with another person.
Right now, it only hurt.
I couldn’t lose someone else I loved.
The hardest thing was knowing that I still felt so . . . chained to the past.
I wasn’t legally bound to Alma any longer, but constant thoughts of retribution threatened to drown me.
She deserved to be in this place. Not my daughter.
She deserved to be broken and alone.
I wasn’t ashamed to wish the worst on her.
I was ashamed I continued to give her more of my time and energy.
I didn’t know how to stop.
Could I stop?
JoJo stood and gently stroked Penelope’s hair. “I’ll be back soon, sweetheart.”
She brushed past me without so much as a glance. The sound of the shower started only a few moments after she disappeared.
I ached to go to her.
I needed her. As much as I didn’t want to, I did.
“What am I supposed to do, Lamb? I’m stuck in purgatory.” I pleaded with my daughter for answers. “Just when I thought I’d escaped this living hell, I’m right back in it.” I touched the side of the bed. “I don’t want it to affect me as a father.”
What about as a partner?
“I need you to come back so you can set me straight.”
I dropped my chin to my chest. I was caving under the pressure of it all. Everything felt like a giant weight on my shoulders.
I hated being helpless.
I hated being at someone else’s mercy.
I hated having to see my daughter suffer while all I could do was watch it happen.
Would there ever be peace?
