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“It’s good for our family to be together again,” my father said in Spanish from the back seat.
“It is,” I agreed in English, turning to look at him. I didn’t have to pretend anymore. “But you are not part of that.”
He had the nerve to look contrite. “Camila—”
“Do not address me. You aren’t worthy,” I said regally, pinning him with a lethal gaze before facing forward again.
“That’s no way to speak to your papa,” he said, and I whipped back around.
“You aren’t my papa. You are my rapist,” I spit out. “Mama would be so ashamed of you.”
“She knew who she married, and she loved me anyway.” He lifted his chin, the words matter-of-fact.
“She wouldn’t have if she’d known what you did to me.”
“You are just like her. So spirited. That’s what drew me to her in the first place.”
My anger spiked. “You never deserved her.”
“That’s no revelation, my dear,” he said, looking at me as if I should have known better. “I took care of you and Carlos. Your mother’s wild spirit got her killed—”
“Yougot her killed!” I screamed, my eyes filling with tears. “You took care of no one but yourself,” I growled. “You’ve given your son the same miserable life you’ve had, and what you did to me was unspeakable. I was a child.Yourchild.”
“I have given you both more than most people in our country ever dream to have. You’re ungrateful.”
“Oh, forgive me for not being grateful that my own father took my innocence,” I said sarcastically. Carlos looked at me in warning, but I ignored him. I didn’t know what my father would do to me for speaking to him this way, airing what was between us. He might kill me, but in a way, he already had.
“Hush, Camila,” my father warned.
“You don’t get to tell me what to do anymore.”
“That’s where you are so very wrong. Your papa is always in charge. I don’t care how old you are or that you’ve been off living a life that never should have been. You belong with your family. That’s where you will stay, and you will be grateful I’m accepting you back with open arms.”
He believed the nonsense he spoke. “Has your bed been cold? Is that why you’re so eager to have me back?” I said venomously.
“You will not disrespect me.” He gripped his thighs, his control slipping.
“To disrespect you would mean I respected you in the first place. Believe me, I don’t.” I couldn’t seem to stop. “Have you told Carlos how you kept me in your room for days while you drank and raped me? Does he know how you shoved yourself down my throat? I was eleven. You could have had any number of women. Why did you do it to me?”
Carlos visibly paled. Hearing about my abuse at our father’s hands couldn’t have been easy. I regretted polluting his ears, but I needed to say this to my father, and even though I’d asked him why, I didn’t actually care about the reason.
There was nothing he could say to make me forgive him, and I refused to sweep it under the rug as if nothing had happened just so everyone could be more comfortable.
The silence in the car was oppressive. My father ignored me as he ignored anyone who said something he didn’t like. I wouldn’t allow him to pretend that I hadn’t spoken.
“Well? Nothing to say? Tell me,Papa”—I drew out the word with all the disgust I felt toward him—“are you planning to give me my own room or just move me into yours? Make things—”
“Enough!” he shouted, and I could have sworn the car vibrated around us from the thunder in his voice. His eyes darkened to the blackest night, and I wondered if he might actually kill me. After all, I was a virtual stranger now.
“You didn’t care when I’d had enough.” The metal of the gun pressed against my back, tempting me. I had dreamed on more than one occasion of killing him, most often by shooting him between the eyes, but his death would change nothing. There was no way to make him pay for what he’d done to me. “Should I strip for you now?” I tugged at the hem of my sweater, as if I was going to remove it. “Oh. How could I forget? You like to do that yourself.”
“Camila.”
My blood boiled. “I don’t answer to that name. You killed her.”
“You speak foolishly.”
“Don’t think I haven’t noticed you’ve admitted nothing in front of Carlos. You’ll deny it all later and say I’ve lost my mind.” I twirled an index finger by my temple. “Deny whatever you want.Youknow what you did.Iknow what you did. I’m ashamed I have your blood running through my veins.”
