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“I don’t blame you,” I said softly.
“Camil—I’m sorry. It’s hard to get used to your new name.” He tried again. “Muriella. I didn’t know what was going on with Papa at first. I was so selfish, consumed with my grief for Mama. It was my fault she died. I was the one who wanted to go to the market that day, and then when the men came, I couldn’t protect her. That was hard for me to live with. I turned to the wrong things for comfort, thinking if I could just keep something going up my nose, eventually the pain would stop.”
Carlos was as haunted by ghosts of the past as I was. After Mama died, he’d been scarce, but I never knew where he was off to. I’d assumed he was working for our father. I hated he’d turned to our family’s source of income for comfort, though I wasn’t any help to him back then. It had been a struggle dealing with my own hell.
“I got angry with a friend of mine while playing poker, I can’t even remember why now. Maybe I thought he was cheating at cards. I was out of my mind most of the time back then.” He looked away as if he hated that part of himself. “I returned home when I wasn’t supposed to. He came down the stairs with his pants hanging open.” Carlos cleared his throat and mine closed up, the image as vivid in my mind as if I’d seen it. I had, only from a different point of view.
He drew in a deep breath and balled his fist on the table. “I waited in the living room until I was certain he was in the kitchen, not wanting to hear an earful from him while he was as drunk as I was.”
My insides churned when he stopped again. I knew what was coming. “When I got upstairs, the door to his room was open. You were lying there naked, curled up in a ball, and then I knew.” He closed his eyes and shuddered, the memory still vivid and horrific. “I was paralyzed by what I’d seen. I didn’t want to believe it, and I guess I hoped it was just the one time and that would be the end of it. But as time went on, I saw what he was doing to you, what life had become for you, and I knew I had to do something. I hadn’t been able to save Mama, but I could try to save you. It took me a while to figure out what to do. I couldn’t see any option other than getting you out of there. He was too powerful. Anywhere I hid you, he would have found you. The greatest risk would have been trying to keep you close. When I discovered the ship bound for America, I chose it, hoping you could find a better life.”
My eyes shone with tears as I learned his side of the story. I’d always felt if he’d known what our father was doing to me, he would have stopped it. I could see how difficult trying to decide what was best for me had been on him.
“I forgot to pack a flashlight,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “I was in a rush, and I was terrified of getting caught. I found it sitting on my dresser after I’d already secured you on the boat. It kept me up at night, worrying that you were scared in the dark. I’m so sorry.”
I stood and went to him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. He leaned his head into my chest, and I held him, both of us silently crying.
“It’s okay. I’m okay,” I promised.
He looked up at me with watery eyes. “Can I hug you, Muriella?”
My throat constricted. I nodded. He stood and hugged me tightly, as if he’d been waiting a long time for our reunion. We held each other until our tears stopped. Relief swept through me that I had my brother back. I’d missed him.
I touched his cheek, hoping to wipe away some of the guilt he bore for things that weren’t his fault. “It’s worked out for the best. I’m where I’m supposed to be.”
“Then why are you leaving?” The question was pointed, sharp like an arrow striking me in the heart.
“How do you know that?”
He just looked at me. “I’d like an answer to my question.”
I decided to tell him the truth.
“Because I’m going to kill him. If I don’t, he’ll hunt down the people I love.” The confession to my brother was more than I’d given the rest of my family, but I realized that of all people, he had a right to know.
“You don’t need to worry about him.”
“How can I stop?” It wasn’t just a switch I could turn off, especially now that he knew my whereabouts.
“The injuries he sustained while trying to kidnap you were too severe for him to keep his legs and one arm. He lost a few fingers on the hand he did keep. He’s not going anywhere.” Carlos spoke evenly with zero emotion, and I hated my father even more for forcing him to become callous to certain parts of his life.
“I didn’t cause all of that.”
“No, you didn’t.”
Understanding and relief filled me with the knowledge my father was somewhere suffering. Until I remembered just how powerful he was. “He has to know you’re here. He’ll send someone after us,” I protested, panic beginning to rise.
“Right now, with the drugs I’ve pumped into his system, he doesn’t even know he’s in this world. But when I let him back in, he’ll knowexactlywhat it feels like to be helpless.” I shivered at the ice in my brother’s words. “Justice can never be served, but before I send him to an eternity in hell, he’s going to live one here on Earth.”
“Carlos…” I couldn’t find the words to argue. However wrong it might have been, I wanted my father to suffer, but not at the risk of my brother’s soul.
“My conscience will never be clear. If I don’t avenge what he’s done, I can’t live with myself. I’m already struggling with letting him stay alive this long.”
“Don’t be like him. I know there are things you have to do, but you can live a different life.” I hated the thought of him resigned to a life of crime and destruction.
“I intend to. The Calderóns are almost out of the drug trade. I’ve methodically destroyed that business, and the only reason Papa is still breathing is because I wanted him to see his precious empire implode. It’s done. You’re safe. So stop trying to throw away the family you have. If you do, he wins, and putting you on that ship was for naught.”
“I don’t want him to win,” I whispered.
