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Gabriel went into the en suite and climbed up on the step stool so he could reach the sink. I went over to the bookcase and took a book off the shelf. I usually let Gabriel do these things for himself, but tonight, I did it to keep busy and avoid the presence that filled the room. The person who so stubbornly refused to be ignored, though I was trying my hardest to shut him down.
“Cool pajamas,” Carlos said as Gabriel crawled into bed after changing into them.
Batman was his favorite. He'd pick those any night of the week over his others. He beamed at Carlos, and somehow, my heart was mending and breaking at the same time. I saw the possibility of what could be and what was never happening. It felt wrong to dangle this carrot in front of Gabriel.
When he curled up against Carlos, laying his head on that muscular chest, my eyes welled. This was a picture I'd never seen in real life or my dreams. I was the only one who'd ever been in that position.
“Mama, come over here.”
Gabriel patted the bed on his other side, and I climbed in as he settled against Carlos. Carlos absently rubbed his back while he read, a hint of his accent coming through, which made me tingle. If he was uncomfortable, it didn't show, doing it like a pro. And it wasn't long until my angel was asleep.
Carlos seemed reluctant to leave, watching Gabriel with an unreadable expression. When his eyes met mine, I was afraid of what I saw. There was darkness inside him. I felt it. I pointed my chin at the door, and we quietly slipped from the room. I led him straight to the front door. He needed to go before I did something stupid and reckless, like ask him to stay. The way to my heart was through Gabriel, and though I didn't like him encouraging this puppy thing, I wasn't immune to the way Carlos treated him.
I put my hand on the door handle and a palm slapped the door above my head, effectively preventing me from opening it. Carlos was at my back. I felt his heat against me despite us not touching. My breaths turned shallow. We were inches apart. He smelled like spice and evergreen, and I wanted to bury my nose in his neck.
He inched closer and slowly spun me to face him. “You take care of your son, but I want to know something.” That voice shot straight to my stomach, which tightened and fluttered at once.
“What?” I whispered breathlessly.
“Who takes care of you?”
Neither of us moved, our breaths the only sound as they mingled in the small space between us. His mouth was close. It had been over six years since I'd been kissed. I'd all but forgotten what it was like, and those lips were pure temptation. I stared at them before lifting my gaze.
“I do.” I'd found my voice. I wasn't whispering any more like an awestruck girl.
His eyes glittered. “I look forward to seeing that.”
I gasped at the innuendo, instantly thinking of the fantasy I'd had of him watching me touch myself. “It's not happening.” I was back to breathless. I meant what I said, but I knew I was lying.
Carlos did too.
“It is, Beauty,” he assured me against my ear. Then his face was back in front of me. Carlos brushed his lips across mine. Sparks ignited, and when he pulled back, I whimpered. “Good night, Holly.”
The words rumbled through me, but before I could form a protest, he had eased me away from the door and disappeared, leaving me wanting. My entire body was one giant ball of need.
“Tease,” I finally said to the door before I turned on my heel and stalked to my bedroom.Thiswas why I avoided men. Except none had ever made me feel so much with so little.
He'd distracted me from the most important thing in my life. For two whole minutes, I hadn't thought about Gabriel. I couldn't let that happen again.
Chapter Eleven
Carlos
The decision had officially been made.I was going all in. I wouldn't lie to myself. My desire was the driving force, but I'd made up my mind right about the time Gabriel curled up to me to read him a story and he'd asked her to lie next to him. At that moment, the demons settled. I had no clue how she’d done that, how they’d both done that. I’d never believed I’d experience that sensation either, but suddenly, there was calm within my soul. I had no idea if it would stay, but I wanted more of it.
The only shoes Holly had walked in since she'd had her son were the ones labeled mother. I admired the way she'd set aside her own needs for the sake of Gabriel. But the way she reacted to me—had she not been touched in a long time?
I'd teased, given her only a taste of what she could have. I wanted her touching herself tonight, crazed with desire for me to the point where she wouldn't deny herself or me what she needed. I’d wanted to ignite the fire that had been dormant inside her, and with that brush of my lips against hers, I'd set off an explosion, one that shook me to my core.
Jumping in the shower, I turned the water to scalding. I craved Holly more than I’d ever wanted anything. If I was going to have her, I had to be clean. She deserved a man who wasn't tainted by all the things I had done. But no matter how I scrubbed, I'd never be rid of the sins of my past. It always came back to that. Always.
I shut off the water and shoved the glass door of the shower wide open. Steam was thick in the air. Wiping the mirror, I stared into the eyes looking back at me.
They were his. I hated that . . . but the evil that he was, those eyes looked through me to my very soul. I blinked twice, clearing my head, clearing my vision, but the haze that infiltrated my mind was as thick as the condensation settling on the bathroom mirror.
You think you can have a woman like her?It was my father's voice, taunting me like always, like before, and I could not get it to stop.
“Yes,” I gritted out.
