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“So you will continue your family business?” Her tone was neutral.
“The world believes I died, along with my father. My new identity as an American citizen is Marcos Santiago. I don’t like hiding. I prefer to face things.” I clutched her hand. “But if I have to hide to protect the people I care about, I’ll do it.”
“If you aren’t found, will all your troubles be over?” she asked hopefully.
I hated to dash her optimism, but she needed to know everything. “The man who assisted executing my plan isn’t who I believed him to be. That was the phone call I took the other day. I don’t know what he’ll do with the information that I’m not dead, but it could be very valuable to him.”
“So we just have to wait for him to make a move?”
“Yes. And he’s not the only person I have to watch out for. There is one man I've done business with whowilldiscover I'm alive, and at that point, I will have to continue supplying him with product. If I go after him, it is very likely I'll end up dead. That's not an option for me any longer. I want you to know I have only been supplying cocaine for the purpose of taking out other cartels, not because I want their turf. I want to rid this earth of the poison that has destroyed so many lives. None of my money comes from my family's business. I've put it to use, taking out product where I could and starting sustainable solutions, like growing quinoa. Everything my father stole from the people of my country is going back to them.”
“When this person finds you, what will he do to you? Look what happened to your mother. How can you promise me Gabriel won't meet a similar fate?” There was a slight tremor in her voice.
Her questions were legitimate. I hadn't protected my mother or my sister. How could Holly trust me to protect her and Gabriel when all I'd ever done was fail?
“I'll die before I let anything happen to either of you,” I said. Holly's concerns matched my own. I didn't want to bring trouble to them, but I couldn't make myself walk away. Ineededthem.
“I believe you.”
Hope grew that maybe she could get past the things I'd done.
“But I don't take risks with Gabriel. You know that.”
That hope shattered. “You think I haven't considered Gabriel? Or you? You deserve better than me, but the first time you looked into my eyes, yousawme. I know you did. At that second, I wanted to be something more than I am.”
“If it were just me, I'd have a much more difficult time walking away. But that's not the case. This was only supposed to be sex anyway.” My Beauty’s eyes were not reflective of her words, but her inner strength had grown even stronger over the past weeks we’d been together.
She was killing me, ripping at my heart one claw at a time. “It was never just sex,” I growled, the thought infuriating me. “Deny it if you must, but we both know this is well beyond that. Has just fucking ever felt like this for you?” Goddamn it, I was hurt that she attempted to water down to nothing what we had between us.
“No. That makes this all the more difficult.”
“We can be a family. It's what I want. I spoke with Daniel about an apartment we could make ours. Or we could stay in this one, if you like. There is no future without you and Gabriel in it. I love you, Beauty.” I was supposed to wait to say that, give her time to get used to me, but if I was going out, I was going to lay it all on the line.
“We barely know each other.”
I brushed her cheek with trembling fingers. “I know how I feel. I'm not trying to scare you, but I can't let you think otherwise. You have never been just an object to fulfill my physical desires. When I'm with you and Gabriel, I feel whole. I’ve found my place in life. If I had to go through everything again to be here with you, I'd do it.”
She stared at me through a sheen of tears and grasped my hands. “If there were no serious threats to you, if you were out of it, we could maybe try. But you have to understand why we can't. I don't want Gabriel around guns and criminals—and no, I don't see you that way. It's the people you say you're associated with who scare me. I'm fortunate we haven't been a casualty yet between my brother and our parents. I haven't spoken to my mom and dad since before Gabriel was born because I can't take the risk. He doesn't need to know that side of life. Not now anyway. I want him to keep his innocence as long as possible.”
My heart seized. If she’d already cut people she loved out of her life, I didn’t stand a chance. “Beauty,” I choked out.
Her eyes softened, but she squared her shoulders. “I'm furious with the situation. This is going to break Gabriel’s heart, but we can't continue like this. I understand there will be times he may have to see you, and we'll deal with that as it comes, but you can’t be an active part of our lives.”
“At least let me continue to help you while Muriella is gone.” It was a desperate plea, but I was a desperate man, falling off a cliff into an abyss. I was going to land in hell next to my father, where I was destined to spend eternity.
“We'll be fine. I can't drag this out.”
I was supposed to get up and leave, but I couldn't make myself move. “You're doing the right thing,” I heard myself say. It was true, and I had this need to reassure her, though she didn't appear to need it. There was a shadow of sadness in her eyes, but she hid it well. “I wish you needed me half as much as I need you, but that's one of the things I love about you most. You are strong, and you don't compromise when it comes to Gabriel.”
“You've got a much better heart than you realize. The way you've treated me and Gabriel . . . I've never felt so cherished. You’ve helped me find a part of me I thought I’d lost.” Tears brimmed her lovely eyes, and, as her voice caught, she continued, “You don't know how sorry I am things aren't different.” Holly swallowed hard.
“Walk me to the door?” Once we were in front of it, I tugged her into my arms and held her against me, cradling her head in my hands. “Promise me, if you ever need anything, you'll come to me. I don't care how long it’s been or what it is, I will always be here for you.”
“Okay,” she said hoarsely.
I bent to kiss her one last time. My instinct was to devour her, but I went slow, lingering. Savoring. Her mouth was perfect: soft, pliant, made for mine. She yielded to me, giving when I knew it was difficult for her, but as she kissed me back, I felt she needed it as much as I did. The longer I drew out the kiss, the more I wanted from her.
I pressed her up against the door, caging her with my body. She latched onto my hair, holding me in place.
