AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I'd seen the trace of fear for us when he'd mentioned he'd have to continue dealing with his past associates. I wanted Carlos in our life. I wouldn't bother denying it. But it couldn't happen as long as he was involved with dangerous people.
“What's that, Mama?”
Gabriel pointed at the paper in my hands, and I gave him a forced smile. “Instructions for heating up dinner. Let Mommy go change, and then we'll talk about school.”
I took off my shoes on the way to the bedroom and nearly burst into tears when I saw my yoga pants and sweatshirt laid out on the made bed. Carlos made the little everyday things so easy. This wasn't pressure for me to let him be with us. It was him doing things for me because he wanted to take whatever stress he could off my shoulders.
Either I picked the wrong man because he was an asshole, or I wanted the one man I couldn't have. Carlos wasn't perfect, and God knew I wasn't. If it weren't for Gabriel, I'd overlook it all. No one had ever treated me the way he did. When I took my dirty clothes to the laundry room and saw the folded piles of clean clothes, I couldn't hold back anymore. I cried.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Carlos
“They’ve pulled back resources.At this point, he’s not worth the expense of searching any longer.”
Holly’s brother had yet to be captured. I wasn’t sure if that was a positive sign for his life or not.
“Have your people found anything?”
“No.” Donato sounded angry about that, but he was doing all he could.
“Will you speak to Holly?”
“Of course.” I didn’t have to specify why I couldn’t. He understood. Holly didn’t belong in a world like ours. “And the other matter?” he asked hesitantly.
“Today.”
He’d been reluctant to ask me to attend to a few tasks, but I’d been eager to accept. I felt idle, especially without Holly and Gabriel. As a cartel prince, I hadn’t been required to get my hands soiled, I chose to.
“Are you certain you want to do this? She may forgive—”
“She won’t.” Unless I could magically become a man with a squeaky clean past and present, there was no hope for Holly and me. Yet the determined part of me wouldn’t give up on us.
“Very well.”
I tuckedmy Glock in the waistband of my pants at the small of my back and grabbed my coat.
My mind wandered toward Holly and Gabriel, what they were doing, how they were, as the elevator descended. The time since I'd seen them had been the longest of my life. Holly hadn't put a stop to me leaving them dinner or doing some of the laundry, but she hadn't responded to it either. I wasn’t sure if I expected a response, but I was disappointed I hadn't gotten one.
I missed them. They were mine, even if I was the only one who knew it. On the flip side, I was theirs too. I belonged to a woman and an almost-six-year-old child. The two of them had me twisted up. I’d stared death in the face more times than I wanted to admit, yet losing them permanently was far scarier than dying.
I was no closer to figuring out if I had a chance to get them back. Getting rid of Nicanor Rosca wasn't a surefire solution. There was no guarantee that if I killed him, I would be out of that life and be able to promise Holly I could protect them. Rosca wasn’t the only one who wanted me dead. He posed the biggest threat, but Eduardo was a close second. Aside from whisking them off to some remote location where we were isolated from the rest of the world, I couldn't do it, and I wouldn't lie to her. I would die for them, but that didn't ensure their safety. I could love them more than anyone else ever would, but it wasn't enough. As much as I wanted to blame my father for all this, it was my choices that had landed me here, wishing like mad I was with them instead of apart.
The elevator eased to a stop, but it wasn't until the doors slid open that I registered her honey scent.
“Mr. Carlos.” Gabriel barreled toward me.
I dropped to my knees and held open my arms, squeezing my eyes shut as I clutched him to me. My eyes stung, but I forced them open, looking up at my Beauty, who was watching with a hooded gaze. I didn't hide my emotion. I wanted her to see I loved them, wanted her to seeme.
“How come you can’t come over anymore?” Gabriel asked, head cocked, eyes as piercing as any I'd ever been scrutinized by.
Holly’s cheeks were red, not with embarrassment but frustration with me for putting them in this situation.
“I—” My throat constricted. How could I tell him I wasn't a good guy? I was the one his heroes would be going after. “It's better for you and your mom.” That was inadequate, but it was all I could come up with. Holly wasn't impressed.
“No, it's not,” Gabriel replied. I wanted to stand, use my height so I didn't feel so small, but that would require letting him go, and I wasn't prepared to do that yet. “We miss you. Mama can't play soccer.”
I couldn't help but smile at that. “You can teach her what you know.” There was no way I would suggest he learn from somebody else. I couldn't bring myself to think about another man in their life, even if that was what they deserved. “I miss you too.”
