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“I wouldn’t miss it,” I said.
His mother had probably prepared him for disappointment. That was fair, but his faith in me meant more to me than anything had in a long time. “What are you doing up here? Did you come to play with us?”
“Just like this spot up here,” I said.
Carlos and Holly had moved closer, cautiously watching the exchange. I made them nervous. They didn’t know what I was going to do next. I liked that I kept them on edge, the sick part of me that got off on power rearing its head. One day, they’d figure out I wasn’t going to take Gabriel away from them or do anything that would harm the boy. Until then, we’d continue these awkward interactions.
“Sister Alice taught us today that we should think before we act,” Gabriel said.
“She sounds like a smart lady. What else did you learn?”
“That my handwriting isn’t leg-legi—Mama, what’s the word?”
He looked at Holly, whose eyes brightened. “Legible.”
“Legible,” he repeated.
“I’ll tell you a secret,” I said, leaning toward him at the same time he leaned toward me. “My teacher made me retake a test because she couldn’t read my handwriting when I was a little older than you. Keep practicing. It will get better.”
“Did it?”
“I’ve been told it’s elegant, especially for a lefty.”
“You’re left-handed too? Like me?”
“Just like you.”
Gabriel appeared to be concentrating pretty hard on something, and that made me nervous. Who knew what was going on in that head of his? It could be anything. That is how I suspected Holly felt like around me. Gabriel ran over and picked up the soccer ball, offering it to me. “Here. You try to score.”
I stared at the ball, unable to move. I hadn’t touched anything related to sports since my injury and never considered how difficult it would be. My subconscious had kept it from me, shielding me. Even when I’d purchased the items for the baseball game, a salesperson had collected everything and placed it in a bag. It was all still on the floor in my bedroom.
Gabriel waited patiently, holding the ball out to me. I eyed it warily. “You go ahead. I’ll watch,” I said like the scared chickenshit I was.
He seemed to understand my fear, but he didn’t lower the ball. “I’ll hold it until you’re ready.” How did the kid see so much?
Reluctantly, I placed my hand on the leather. True to his word, he held it steady, giving me the courage to keep trying. It shouldn’t be this difficult, but it was. The five-year-old in front of me was the only reason I had an ounce of bravery. Even if I couldn’t do it, he wouldn’t think less of me. This gentle spirit he had was all from Holly.
I placed another hand underneath it, Gabriel waiting until he was certain I had it before releasing it. He gave me a toothy grin as I held the ball to my stomach. My unease evaporated, and I tightened my grip on the leather.
“You can drop it now.”
Holly and Carlos snickered.
“Right,” I said, letting it fall to the grass with a thud. It had been a lot of years, and I hadn’t played much soccer, but my body knew what to do. I advanced the ball, and Gabriel had it away from me in no time. He was quick, and I chased him down, proud of how good his reflexes were.
“Don’t go easy on him, or he’ll get so far ahead you can’t catch up,” Carlos warned. “I haven’t beat him yet.”
I liked that he hadn’t coddled Gabriel once he figured out he was good enough to play competitively even though he was so much smaller. “I see what you mean.”
I managed to steal the ball away from Gabriel, but he never lost concentration, getting it back and shooting it past Carlos to score. We high-fived, celebrating like we’d won the World Cup. It didn’t matter that we were on a rooftop in Manhattan. This was what I loved about sports. The camaraderie. Just having fun. Sharing it with this little boy—my son—was special in a way I’d never experienced.
My pack of cigarettes fell out of my shirt pocket as I bent to scoop up the ball. Gabriel picked them up, but he didn’t immediately give them back. Shit. I felt guiltier about him seeing that than I had when my mother caught me.
“These are bad for you, Mr. Drew.” Shame filled me, this little guy making me feel like I’d let him down. “Please don’t smoke anymore.”
“I’ll make you a deal,” I said, dropping down to one knee. “You promise me right now you’ll never touch one of these things, and I promise that I won’t again either.” It would be hard, but I could keep it for Gabriel.
He stuck out his right hand, and I put mine in his. We shook like men. “Deal.”
