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I couldn’t stand the pain in Mama’s eyes. “What was there to say? They said I was infertile. There’s really not a whole lot to be done for it, and I wasn’t all that keen on talking about it.”
“I didn’t just hurt for you. I hurt for myself too. I wanted to be a grandmother. That disappointment was difficult for me to take.”
“Easton can give you grandkids even though Mulaney isn’t exactly maternal,” I said snidely, unable to resist a jab at my sister-in-law.
“They wouldn’t be yours, though.” She glazed over my insult, and I looked back down at the pictures, guilt swamping me. “Any child would be a blessing, but I just wanted one—well, more than one—from each of you. That’s silly and selfish, but it’s how I feel.”
“Why is that selfish? There’s nothing wrong with wanting lots of grandchildren.”
“There is when I was so devastated over what happened that I treated the situation likeIwas the one who lost the most, not you.”
“I never got that impression. Not at the time and not now.”
“I still—I’m just sorry. I let you down.”
It never once occurred to me she had suffered over my inability to have children. I should tell her about Gabriel and give her a chance to know him, to knowofhim. It would make her happy, be another reason for her to keep fighting.
But when I opened my mouth to say the words, nothing came out. Holly and I had agreed not to disclose his paternity. Besides, I was in a good place with Mama. She’d forgiven me for what I’d done, and if she found out I’d kept the one thing she wanted from her for almost six years, she’d be upset. Not to mention that I’d left everything up to Holly and hadn’t taken any responsibility for that boy.
I’d thought she was lying. I couldn’t father a child, so she had to have been after me for money orsomething. It could have been solved once and for all years ago if I’d agreed to a paternity test. But I hadn’t been prepared to face the consequences. Like the asshole I was, I’d held it over her head, using it as leverage to keep her mouth shut.
My mother would be as disappointed over that as any of it. No. Signing away my rights to the boy would be the kicker. There was no way I could ever let her find out about Gabriel and the things I’d done, not when she was the only one who really loved me.
“Let’s forget about it, Mama.”
I hoped she would. Hoped that she’d never stop loving me even though Gabriel’s existence would do much to heal her broken heart.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Sonya
The Carter apartmentwas luxury defined.
After three nights of sleeping in a chair, I was ready for a bed. Judging by the looks of this place, it was going to be a comfortable one.
Loretta was settled in their room, Mr. Carter fussing about like a nervous hen. His dedication to her was awe-inspiring. There was no room to doubt his love for her. He only left her side to shower and rest. Now that she was out of the hospital, those moments apart would be fewer.
Mr. Carter was clearly uncomfortable around Drew as if he was in a constant battle of holding his tongue for the sake of his wife. Drew didn’t cower from or avoid the man, but he did spend most of his time with his mother when Mr. Carter wasn’t around.
It was a different story with his other son and his daughter-in-law. Not a complete one-eighty, but more relaxed, as if he didn’t have to be on guard. This behavior led me to the conclusion that Drew hadn’t been lying when he’d confessed to stealing nearly a billion dollars from his family.
If he’d done that to me, I wouldn’t have allowed him anywhere near me, son or not. That always led me back to thinking about Trish and how she’d said she’d love Ella no matter what she did. I couldn’t grasp the concept. Some things were unforgivable, blood or not.
I was impressed how they’d all but set aside work to be there for Loretta. She was their priority. Business a distant second. That couldn’t be easy on any of them.
But I ached for Drew. He watched his family huddle together around his mother, from the outside looking in. I slipped an arm around him, which he tried to shrug off. He glared at me when I refused to let go but held me so tightly I thought he’d squeeze the life out of me.
“Let’s get out of here.” He looked away from them gathered around Loretta’s bed as if he couldn’t stand the sight any longer.
“Hang on a sec.” I rifled through my bag and approached the bedside. “I have something for you.”
Loretta’s eyes lit, though they were weary. The journey hadn’t been far, but it had taken its toll. I held out a box and noticed the skeptical expressions around the room. By default, I was a rotten person for being associated with Drew. I didn’t care what any of them thought of me . . . except Drew’s mother. She never made me feel inadequate or unwanted. If anything, she seemed pleased I was around.
She lifted the lid, folded back the tissue paper, and pulled out a red shawl, smiling. “Did you make this?”
My cheeks colored, and I felt Drew’s strong hand on my shoulder in support. “Yes, ma’am.” At Paths of Purpose, they taught women skills while providing entertainment and interaction with others. I’d joined the crochet class when I lived there, finishing it this morning during my volunteer shift. Mrs. Quinn had let me when I’d told her who it was for and even helped me box it up. “It’s my first attempt at anything like that, but Drew told me your favorite color was red. I thought it might keep you from getting chilled.” I was rambling nervously as she draped it around her shoulders.
“Thank you. That was very thoughtful. And perfect.” She beamed at me, fingering the soft material.
