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“Yes, Gabriel.”
“Can I call you Grandma? I don’t have one, and if I could pick, I’d like you to be her. You’re fun, and you color really good.”
“Oh, Gabriel.” Tears flowed down Mama’s cheeks. “If I could pick a grandson, I’d choose you. Of course you can call me Grandma.”
Holly turned away, unable to watch, and Vivian steered her toward the front door. Mulaney grabbed Sonya by the elbow and forced her outside. I couldn’t see her face, if she was happy with what she’d done, but I hoped like hell Mulaney gave her a tongue lashing.
“Okay, Grandma. I’m going to make some cookies now. I’ll save you some.”
He squeezed her hand and took off, the other ladies right behind him, leaving us on our own.
“Drew Harris,” Mama said sternly, though the words were thick with tears. “How could you do this to that boy? To our family?”
“I didn’t think he was mine. Youknowwhy.”
“I want answers.” The tears . . . they were big, fat drops falling at a faster rate than she could wipe away. I reached out, but she recoiled from my touch.
That was why I hadn’t wanted her to know. Never in all my years had I seen my mother this hurt. Grandchildren were so important to her, and I’d stolen almost six years of the opportunity to spoil one from her. Now she might only have months with Gabriel, and whether Holly wanted it or not, my mother would not be denied her grandson.
My throat constricted like a cord was wrapped around it. I was losing my only ally, and I didn’t know how to save our relationship. Mama had forgiven so easily my other transgressions, but this one . . .
“I want to know your version. Although, I’m not sure how much of it I’ll believe.”
None of it. She wouldn’t trust a word I’d say.
I turned the dining chair next to her so it was facing her. “Are you comfortable?” I asked as I sat. The withering look she shot me was response enough. I spread my thighs and rested my forearms on them. “I met Holly at a coffee shop before she came to work at Carter Energy. She was nothing like the women I engaged with. After Erin, I just—no woman was ever going to do that to me again,” I grated out, furious at how much it still hurt almost twenty years later. “I had to see if someone like Holly would get in my bed.”
“A conquest?” my mother asked with disgust.
“Pretty much. I charmed her, took her out to dinner. I had a good time. She made me laugh and forget about seeing how far I could get her to go. I took her home, something I never did with other women. I felt how it had started with Erin all over again. Hated the connection when we fuc—slept together. Holly was real. None of it was a put on. Not even on my part. Once that hit me, I panicked. I treated her terribly, kicked her out in the middle of the night—”
“Drew,” Mama said, horrified.
I took a minute. This was hard to admit.
“I know.” It was an awful thing to do, especially to someone like her, but I did it. Too late for an apology, not that I’d give her one anyway. She might not see it that way, but I had done her a huge favor. I couldn’t give her the things she wanted. Couldn’t be who she’d wanted me to be—her Prince Charming.
“How could you?”
I shrugged. There was no good answer. “I knew the condom had busted, but I wasn’t worried. Pregnancy wasn’t an issue, since I’m infertile.”
“The doctors told us you were.”
“I guess they were wrong. When she came to me, told me she was pregnant and it was mine, I didn’t believe her. You can’t blame me for that. I was angry and thought she was using me to get money or something. It didn’t occur to me until recently that she never asked me for a thing.” My chin dropped to my chest. I’d been so blinded by her audacity of trying to pin something like that on me that I’d never stopped to think. It felt like life just hadn’t twisted the knife enough. I couldn’t have kids, yet there was Holly, dangling the very thing I couldn’t have.
“It never occurred to you to get a paternity test?”
“I didn’t need one. I had the doctor’s reports that proved it was impossible,” I said, and I saw an ounce of understanding in Mama’s eyes. I sighed heavily. “I refused to have a test, but I used the situation to manipulate Holly. Threatened her, told her if she said anything, I’d make sure to take her son away from her just because I liked the power.”
“What has happened to you? My son used to be like that little boy. Sweet, curious, with a heart bigger than anyone else’s on earth.”
I ignored the question, couldn’t look at the pain in my mother’s eyes. “Carlos saw Gabriel and me together and figured it out, just like you did. We had a talk, I took the paternity test, and I signed over all my legal rights to Holly. Carlos will be his father. It’s the right thing to do. Look at him, Mama. He’s about as perfect as a kid can be. I’d only destroy that.”
The tears flew in a torrent down my mother’s face. I placed a hand on her thigh, trying to comfort her even as I destroyed her.
“I don’t want him to know the truth. It’s the one thing I can get right out of this. I refuse to take away what Holly has built for selfish reasons.” I stood.
Mama lifted her eyes to me. “I don’t know if I can forgive you for this.”
