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“To remind myself of the shoes I never want to be in.”
I looked at him as though I felt sorry for him, but it was my own loss I regretted. Not the money. Not the shit we’d dumped on each other. For a few weeks, I’d had someone I’d actually enjoyed spending time with. I hadn’t had to hide. I could be dirty, rotten, no-good Sonya, and he’d made me feel he liked me all the better for it. I hadn’t had to worry about someone judging me. I hadn’t had to lie.
In the end, my old ways prevailed, and I’d had to get payback. Turned out it didn’t matter. Drew had been making a fool of me the entire time. Deep down, I’d known, but I’d let my guard down anyway. The gamble hadn’t paid off.
I was back where I’d started. Alone. Bruised. And no place to go.
Chapter Forty-One
Drew
“I’m going for a walk.Maybe to a bar.”
I’d only come by the apartment to get my jacket. I wouldn’t go back to the guest room to see if Sonya’s things were gone.
“I’ll come with you.” Easton grabbed his jacket and followed me out, putting it on while we waited for the elevator.
I wanted to be alone, and I sure as shit wasn’t talking about any of it. Thinking about her pissed me off. It also made me feel empty. How could she betray me like that?
I knew the answer to that. We were thieves and liars. There was no code of honor. Blood pacts meant nothing.
What she’d done to my mother? Damn, that had been heartless. Getting back at me, I understood, but she had to have known it would crush Mama to find out I’d betrayed her.
At some point, I’d begun to believe she gave a shit about me and my family. How wrong had I been?
Out on the street, Easton and I walked in silence for a long time. I enjoyed the country, but the city always invigorated me. Right now, I’d rather be at Grandma Carter’s farm. I could use the peace and quiet. The thing about the city was there was always enough noise to drown out everything else. It was easy to get distracted and forget my problems. But I needed to remember. Focus. Get back in the game.
I was at a crossroads. One direction led to a certain set of results, the other to something totally different. Sometimes it was easy to predict the outcome, other times not so much. If I could choose anything, make my life whatever I wanted it to be, what would I pick?
A wild-haired—just plain wild—tigress immediately came to mind, but I shoved it away. I was too raw to factor her into any equation. We were done. I had to forget her. “This one look good?” Easton motioned toward a fairly nondescript bar.
I shrugged a halfhearted agreement, and we went inside. He ordered a couple of Johnny Walker Blues, and we took them to a table. “Staring at the Sun” by TV On The Radio played in the background, exactly what I’d have chosen if the selection were up to me.
“You should be with Mama,” I said into my whiskey before taking a swallow.
“She’ll be fine. I think you need me more.”
I looked across the table at him. “Why do you care? I’ve been a shit brother. An even worse business partner and friend.”
“No argument here, but damn it, I can’t stand to see you like this. Destroying your life. I thought you were beyond reach. It was a lie. I can’t stop hoping.”
“Some people aren’t worth the effort.”
“You are.” I balked at his adamancy, and he gave a decisive nod. “I honestly don’t know how I didn’t notice the similarities. Mulaney said seeing the two of you in the same room made it impossible not to know who that boy’s father is.”
“I still can’t believe it.” I plowed my fingers through my hair. “It’s impossible, but it’s true. I have the proof in one hand. In the other, I have proof that says otherwise.”
“It was a mistake not to find out sooner, but I don’t blame you.”
“You don’t?” Even I was having a hard time coming to grips with what I’d done.
“You had no reason to believe Holly. I imagine that had to have stung.”
That was putting it mildly. I was already such an angry person, so her news had only added fuel to the fire. I’d hated her for toying with me, thought it was payback for the way I’d treated her. Somewhere down deep, I’d believed I deserved it.
“You shouldn’t have manipulated her.”
“I didn’t want to face the possibility that she wasn’t lying. If she wasn’t, then I was wrong. The doctors were wrong. It was one more thing I’d been bitter about that I didn’t have a right to be.”
