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“He still knows exactly what to do to satisfy me. I can’t complain.”
“What about you Key?”
“Kerem and I are good. Very busy with these daycares and him climbing the corporate ladder. We are good though.”
“Key? I’m a little concerned about your answer. Usually, you say stuff, like he’s always full, from munching on me or the back of my throat, is bruised. What’s going on?”
“Honestly? Nothing is going on. I mean nothing is different, but everything is different. Something feels off with us, and I can’t quite put my finger on it. Yes, we are still having sex, and he knows my body well, but we are not connecting. I think I may be putting too much energy into the daycares and not enough into him.”
“Don’t you automatically place blame on yourself. We’ve talked about that before. I understand self-introspection but if something is wrong, it’s as much his fault as it is yours.”
“I hear you and I agree but he acts like nothing is wrong, so that’s why I have to examine myself.”
“You’ve asked him about it?”
“Yes, every time I ask him how he feels about the relationship he says he is fine. He talks about me being a great wife and not knowing what he would do without me. I don’t know. I can feel it. I know it’s not right.”
“Maybe it is the stress of the daycares that’s weighing on you. You believe he still loves you, right?”
“I know he loves me.”
“Then keep communicating until you figure it out,” Kenzie said.
Keeva started crying which made Kenzie cry.
“I have to figure this out,” Keeva said between sobs.
“You will sis,” I said while pulling her to me for a hug. Kenzie joined us.
“Alright, enough of this crap. We got a show to watch,” Keeva said.
Samuel
I didn’t make it to church as much as I would like but I never missed the Meeting of the Minds men meeting. JD held them once a quarter. He would pick a location, we would all meet and discuss male issues in a safe setting. I’d volunteered my house on several occasions, but tonight we were meeting at a cigar bar.
Raymond and I arrived and were greeted by several other brothers who were also members of the church. We all chose seats among the tufted leather sofas and chairs and talked until JD motioned it was time to begin.
“Good evening, Gentlemen. Welcome to our Meeting of the Minds. Before we get started, let me explain a few things. I chose a cigar bar because I wanted everyone to be comfortable. If you enjoy cigars, then please indulge. If you enjoy a nice cognac or brandy, please order it and relax. This is a judgment free zone. I personally don’t drink alcohol, but you don’t hear me preaching against it. It’s a personal choice and one I don’t put off on anyone. So, don’t front ’cause I’m here, enjoy yourself. We will get started in a few moments.”
Everyone ordered their cigars and drinks then the meeting began.
“I want to start with prayer and then we will discuss our topic for the evening,” JD announced. “Touch the brother next to you.” All the men touched the man next to them. JD said a prayer. We all said “amen” at the conclusion.
“Welcome to those of you who have never participated in our men’s meetings. I am James DeLucas; my friends call me JD. I am extending that courtesy to you. My parents had two children, me and my younger sister. We were close. She was my pride and joy. Beautiful, loving spirit. Always looked on the bright side of things. Always made you feel better about life. She joined the military and moved away. She got married and had two children. I was proud every step of the way. One day I got a call that she and her children had been in a terrible car accident in Germany. My wife and I caught the first flight we could find to Germany. We arrived and found my nephew was banged up, but he would be okay. My niece was in a precarious position where they weren’t sure if she was going to make it. My sister was in critical condition and not expected to survive. My niece got better but my sister passed.
My wife and I were awarded custody of her children because her husband, my brother-in-law and best friend, had passed a year before her. So, there I was, a new pastor, preaching and teaching to people and was going through the worst pain I’d ever experienced. My sister was my sweetheart, my guiding force, my friend and she was poof, gone. Now I had sworn off children, both me and my wife did. We didn’t want them and suddenly we had two. I am mourning the tragic loss of my family, trying to console my niece and nephew, run a church and not be mad at God. Aye man, can I tell you it was next to impossible. I didn’t have anywhere to turn to. I was the Pastor. I was the husband. I was the Uncle. I had to figure it out. One night, I was just completely overwhelmed. I had to get my sister’s things back from Germany. I had to get the kids enrolled in a good school which required me to find a house in a good school district. My wife, Elisa and I were city dwellers. We said we would never move from the City. We had to for the kids. So here I am trying to balance all of this stuff. One night, I went to the church, I fell on my knees and I yelled at God. I mean I gave him not a piece of my mind but the entire thing. Then I cried because I was embarrassed that I wasn’t strong enough to handle it all. See, that’s what we are taught as men; be strong, don’t cry, be the rock. Sometimes, we are not strong, we do cry, and we need a rock. That’s where men groups like this one come in. A Pastor friend of mine just happened to be walking past the church and saw the lights on. He knocked on the door and came in. He told me he felt led to come by the church and pray but he saw the lights on, so he knocked. In that moment I realized my connection to a man had been severed when my brother-in- law died. I felt comfortable enough with this Pastor to explain everything that had happened in my life. He prayed with me but in the matter of a week, he’d activated his male network and had found me a realtor, a grief counselor and a secretary because up to that point, Elisa had been working with me but she was going to need to pull back to raise the kids. That’s when I realized the importance of the male connection. My kids grew up to be successful, amazing people and now I am a Pa-Pa. My niece had a baby boy and I randomly, throughout the day, video call her just to see his little face.
That’s why this group is so important to me. While you think I am here to impart wisdom, I am actually here to gain it as well. This room contains some of the most intelligent, creative, brilliant minds this city has to offer. Why would I not learn something every time I come?”
JD opened the floor after he had finished his introduction and we discussed everything from marriage to masturbation. No subject was off limits, and no man was made to feel less of a man for having a question or concern.
I never missed these meetings, even if I had to video call from another part of the world, I was always here.
After the meeting was over, Xavier, Ray, Morris and I stuck around and chopped it up with JD.
“Morris, it’s good to have you here,” JD said.
“I’m glad I was able to make it. This is the first time I’ve ever been to anything like this. I appreciate the energy and wisdom you put into this.”
