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“Why is her name not listed in your phone like all your other acquaintances? Why does she have initials?”
“I just never got around to…”
“Lie to me and die, Kerem.”
“I’m not going to…”
He reached for his phone again. I almost threw it right at his head, but instead, I moved it out of his reach, again.
“I’m waiting for your answer!”
“She’s just an acquaintance!” he yelled.
“Who the hell you yelling at?”
“I’m not yelling. I’m just trying to explain…”
“So, an acquaintance that sends a text that says: I can’t wait to get back to Saint Louis so we can reconnect and I can feel you inside of me again?” I read the text directly from his phone even though I had memorized it already.
“Okay, Key, look…I fucked up.”
“Fucked up? What does that mean?”
I knew exactly what it meant. I knew something was wrong with our relationship. I’d been asking him for weeks if he felt like something was wrong. I couldn’t pinpoint the issue, but it felt…off. He assured me time and time again that nothing was wrong, making me feel like I was delusional.
“It means that I fucked up with this girl once, but that’s it!”
Hearing him say it out loud caused a feeling of nausea to wash over me, closely followed by a completely hollow feeling. I had to crouch down to stop the dizziness that was created by the sudden change in emotions.
“Key!” Kerem offered his hand to help me up.
“Don’t fucking touch me you low down, dirty dick, disgusting ass motherfucker!”
“Baby, it was one time and…”
Tuning out his explanation, I stood to my feet and walked out of our bedroom into the kitchen. Kerem was on my heels as I quickly made my way from the back of the house to the front. I went straight to the butcher block and pulled out the longest, sharpest knife that we owned.
“Key! Put that knife down,” Kerem yelled as he retreated to the back of the house with me on his heels.
I’m going to kill this motherfucker. I might get arrested, but so the fuck what. He needs to die for what he did.
“Why are you running, Reem? Stand in my face all calm, and shit like you just was and tell me what the fuck you did. You let the shit roll off your tongue like I was just supposed to accept it. Say it now!” I yelled.
He grabbed his phone from the floor where I’d left it, ran into the bathroom, and closed the door. I turned the knob trying to gain entry, but he’d locked it. I banged on it with my fist then kicked it several times in the hopes that something would make it open, but it didn’t work.
“Open the door, Kerem! Let’s talk about what you did. How you lied. How you made me feel stupid when I asked your ass more than once was something wrong. Come out and let’s talk!”
“I’m not coming out of this bathroom until you calm down,” Kerem responded through the door.
“Then you are going to die in there because I am not calming down,” I yelled and kicked the door.
“Key, put the knife down, and…” Kerem started
“Oh, I know what will open this door,” I interrupted.
I left our bedroom and went into the extra bedroom straight to the gun cabinet.
“This muthafucka think I am about to just take this shit from him? He is out of his gotdamn mind,” I said out loud while trying to remember the code to the safe.
