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“I never saw him like that. He was fine and still is fine. His swag is on one thousand, but I never wanted anything from him except friendship.”
“Well, that’s unfortunate,” Averie chuckled.
Averie picked up the bottle of tequila and poured a drop on the floor.
“This is for all the dick you passed up being faithful to Kerem,” she lamented.
Kerem
After listening to a long conversation on my voicemail between my wife and her sisters about kicking my ass, I heard one of them mention leaving the house. It was clear that all three were drunk and were not in any condition to go anywhere.
“El, what’s up?” I said after he answered the phone.
“What’s up, Kerem?”
“I’m cool, but you know our ladies are together and apparently very drunk. They left me a voicemail of their conversation. They must’ve dialed my number and when the voicemail came on they didn’t hang up, so it recorded their whole conversation. It was comical to listen to until I heard one of them mention leaving the house. I don’t want them out in the streets drunk. Can you meet me at my house?”
“I’m on my way,” he answered.
I called Travis and had the same conversation with him.
All three of us arrived at the house around the same time. A guy was walking up to the front door. I didn’t recognize him, so I hopped out of my car and ran up the steps to see who he was. I snatched him up by his collar.
The look of pure terror in his eyes didn’t deter me from trying to end his life. He had no business on my porch that late at night.
“Nigga, what is you doing?” I asked through clenched teeth.
Travis and Samuel quickly pulled me off of him. After they pulled me away, I noticed the pizza he was holding.
“My bad, my G. I didn’t notice the pizza in your hands,” I said after straightening his shirt.
I felt terrible for hemming him up. The look of panic was still on his face.
“Here, we will take the pizza,” Samuel said while taking the pizza and giving him a fifty dollar bill.
The pizza guy scurried away.
“Aye, my bad again!” I yelled behind him.
“He almost lost his life,” Travis chuckled. “He’s probably going straight back to quit.”
I entered the code and opened the door. I expected to hear the girls laughing and making a lot of noise based on the voicemail they left, but the house was eerily quiet.
The guys and I turned the corner and found all three girls on the recliner sleeping under one jacket. The room was full of empty liquor bottles and discarded snack bags. An old movie was playing on the TV with no volume indicating that the sound bar had powered off and they had been sleeping for a while.
“Look at this!” Samuel laughed while pulling his phone from his pocket. “I have to take a picture of this for future purposes.”
He snapped several pictures of the girls sleeping before we disturbed them.
“I knew they were pretty tore up from the message that they mistakenly left on my voicemail,” I chuckled.
I played the voicemail for the guys to hear. We laughed while we listened to the girls concoct a drunken plan to find me at a strip club and fight me. It was comical, but because I knew that my actions were affecting the entire family, it wasn’t funny. I was actually sick to my stomach and embarrassed.
“I’m going to stay here with Key,” I announced.
“You think that’s a good idea?” Samuel asked.
“She’s mad at me and probably doesn’t want me here, but I’m not going to leave her alone in this house, drunk. When she wakes up in the morning, I will leave.”
