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She said, “that’s your bag next to the door. I put all your things in there so you can go back to where ever you just left.” I pounded my chest saying something about it being my house, and I wasn’t going anywhere. She turned and looked at me, and I saw her eyes were vacant of any love. She would get mad at me for being stupid, but I always saw the love she had for me in her eyes. That time, I didn’t see anything. I knew I’d gone too far, and there was no coming back for me,” Dad explained.
“I know Keeva still loves me, but the hurt I caused her makes me want to run away and never look back. I didn’t think I would ever be the one to cause her so much pain.”
“Is that why you are here or did she put you out?”
“It was my decision. I told her that I needed time to get myself together, but honestly, I just couldn’t see her hurting like that every day. I don’t think I would survive that.”
“It’s a hard thing to experience, I know, but to help her through it, you are going to have to be around.”
“She probably wouldn’t let me back right now.”
“That shouldn’t stop you from making your presence known and felt. Even though I knew it was over, I still tried like hell to get your mother to love me again. She finally got tired of me trying and told me that she would never be in love with me again, but she wanted to love me for your sake, so that’s what she does. She had never looked at me again the way she did when she was in love with me. To this day, every time I see her, I look to see if maybe something is there, but there’s nothing. I messed that up so bad, and I regret it every day of my life. I was like you, I blamed my daddy for being a hoe and having a girlfriend around the corner from our house, but then one day, I realized I was too grown to be blaming anyone for my actions. I had to figure out a way to make myself better. So, I worked on being a great friend to your mom and a dad to you. If I could trade everything I have to see that look of love in your mother’s eyes, though, I would make that trade in a heartbeat.
You know when you told me you were marrying Key, I was apprehensive because you were so young, but you all have made it work for so long, don’t mess it up now,” Dad finished.
“The problem is that I don’t know how to fix it,” I confessed.
“Be honest, be open, forgive yourself, and love your wife. You are in a critical window of time. She is hurt, but not calloused. My momma told me to let my love be like cocoa butter and prevent that callous from forming. I didn’t understand that then, but I totally understand now.”
“Look at you! I didn’t know you had a sensitive bone in your body!” I laughed.
“I’m sensitive when it comes to preventing you from going through the same heartache and heartbreak that I’ve inflicted and experienced.”
“Larenz invited me…”
“Who?” Dad interrupted.
“Peaches…”
“Oh! I don’t know if I ever knew that kid’s real name,” dad laughed.
“He invited me to his house for this marriage group him and Bird participate in. I told him that I thought it would be stupid to be the only single person there.”
“Years ago, I would’ve agreed with you, but now I say do whatever it takes to get your woman back. I wish I would’ve had good friends around me to encourage me to do right. All my friends were knuckleheads just like me, and just like me, they are all single.”
“You can meet someone and settle down, Pops.”
“If it ain’t your momma, I don’t want ‘em,” Dad responded.
“Oh that ain’t happening,” I chuckled.
“I can still hope,” Dad laughed.
8
Iwas driving home from another long day in the classrooms. Luckily for me, it was my last day. My employee would be back in on Monday. When I first started my daycare, I worked with the kids all the time, but now, I had employees that worked while I managed. Sometimes, when vacations fell at a weird time and there was no one else to cover for the employee, I was forced into the classrooms with the kids.
I had been working in the three-year-old class along with two assistant teachers. The three-year-olds were full of energy from the time they entered the front door in the morning until the time they left in the evenings. Some of the kids arrived as early as six thirty, and they weren’t picked up until six o’clock. I had watched them bounce off the walls and wished I had a drop of the energy that they had.
Nap time was usually the time I could steal away to get some other work done, but I had two kids in the classroom who refused to take naps so I didn’t leave. My first day in the classroom this week, a little girl, Bella, stood up from her sleeping mat with her hands on her hips and said, “I’m not taking a nap so you might as well get over it.” Her reputation preceded her for not taking naps, but I didn’t know she ran the show like that. I had to look away to hold in the laughter that bubbled up. I responded after I was sure I wouldn’t laugh and said, “Bella, you will lie down on that mat, and you will be quiet. Disturbing nap time is not acceptable.” She had the nerve to slowly lay down on the mat while watching me the whole time like she was letting me know she still was in control.
A little boy, Justin, also didn’t take naps and had to be watched because he would wait until the kids around him had fallen asleep then would try to wake them up by tickling them or poking them. We had to keep him on his mat in an area away from the others. I had to correct him a couple times too, but he wasn’t nearly as obstinate as Bella.
My day was full of statements like, “don’t push him. Use your inside voice. Stop crying because you didn’t get your way.” Or asking questions like, “Do you have to potty? Did you just put that in your mouth? Is that poop in your pull-up?”
I was so busy that I didn’t have time to get excited about my upcoming trip to New York. I was excited about finding Kenzie’s dress because that meant that she was not calling off the wedding because of Kerem’s and my situation. I was also excited about spending some time with Kenny. He and I had talked frequently since we’d reconnected.
The ride home from work had become my least favorite time of the day. After spending the entire day staying busy, there was nothing to keep me busy on the ride home. I had curated a playlist of music to help me get through the fifteen-minute commute.Never Would’ve Made Itby Marvin Sapp was currently playing. I’d been doing well today, not feeling overly sad and able to perform my job, then the light hit my wedding ring a certain way and filled my car with light sparkles. I never took my ring off, so I never paid a lot of attention to it anymore, but when I looked down at my hand, I recalled the day Kerem gave it to me.
