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“Find my…? You were my friend, my sister, my first love. I told you I loved you before I ever said anything about loving anyone else. You broke my heart when you stopped talking to me.”
“Kenny, come on. You know that was not my intention. I wanted you to be happy.”
“Did you ever ask me what I wanted? Did you ask me what made me happy? You being in my life made me happy. I wanted you to be mine, but you were out of my league. You were out of Kerem’s league too, but somehow, he persevered.”
“We had that conversation, and we decided that we were much better friends than lovers. I thought you agreed?”
“I agreed that’s why I accepted my role as your friend and tried my best to be there for you. You said you were going to do the same.”
“I explained why I gave you space. You were an amazing friend.”
“Well, obviously I wasn’t because you walked away. The day I called you and watched you send me to voicemail. I’d just found out that Tretina was sleeping with Allen.”
“Allen? Allen Crenshaw?”
“Yeah.”
“That dirty ass, rotten ass hemorrhoid! He knew y’all were together!”
I got angry, and it had been years since it had happened. I had no idea.
“Well, we got past that, but more recently, she stepped out again. I was offered this position in New York and took it. We haven’t discussed her moving here.”
“I am so sorry, Kenny. I didn’t know that bitch was that conniving. You have to believe me when I say that I wanted you to be happy. I talked to my mother about it and everything. She said to give you space so your relationship would work.”
“Now you’re blaming your mommy?”
I looked at him in time to see a smirk form on his face.
“Whatever, Kenny! We should’ve had this conversation a long time ago! I was wondering why I hadn’t heard anything about a Kenny Junior or Kenisha or some ghetto ass variation of your name.”
“That’s because they don’t exist and never have.”
We continued our conversation while enjoying the tacos he’d ordered. I was stuffed by the time I polished off the last of the pork filling. We went and sat on his couch with our new bottle of wine to find something to watch on tv. We scrolled through Netflix until we found something we agreed on.
“What’s your next move with Kerem?” Kenny asked after we’d started a movie that wasn’t holding our interest.
“I honestly don’t know. My mom gave me a whole speech today about marriage and making it work. Part of me wants it to work, but the other part of me doesn’t. I just want the disappointment to go away. I want to move forward.”
He put his arm around me and pulled me closer to him. I rested my head on his shoulder. It felt like old times. Kenny ran his hand up and down my arm in a soothing motion. My mind started to drift from the movie to me and Kenny’s relationship. I started thinking about the reasons why we never tried to have a romantic relationship. He was my friend first. He was handsome, smart, driven, a great listener, and a great friend. We decided that it wasn’t going to work because I was with Kerem and things were going well. By the time Kenny and I had the discussion about being more than friends, I was head over heels in love with Kerem. I was young and stupid. I should’ve given Kenny a try. I know he wouldn’t have put me through this foolishness that I was going through with Kerem.
Kenny kissed my forehead, and as I looked up at him, he moved down to my lips. His lips were soft, and his kiss was pleasant. It was different than the way Kerem kissed me. Kerem’s kisses were more urgent, authoritative. Kenny’s kisses were soft and sweet. I sat up and faced him. We continued kissing. Encouraging me to lay back by gently nudging me, I laid on my back, and Kenny followed me. His movements were slow and sensual as he moved from my lips to my neck. My body started responding to Kenny’s touch. I wanted him to stop being so safe and touch my breast, bite my neck, or something. It had been way too long since I’d been touched and this was the first time that a man, other than my husband, had touched me.
I ran my hands under Kenny’s shirt and rubbed his back, running my hands along his thick back muscles.
He moaned as he continued to kiss me. I was ready to move on to the next step when out of nowhere, somewhere in the back of my mind, I heard my mom say, “be careful.” I stopped the kiss abruptly and pushed Kenny away and sat up.
“Kenny, we can’t do this. We are friends, not lovers. That’s what we agreed on.”
“Why can’t we be both?” He returned.
“Because you are in a relationship, and so am I.”
“I would never hurt you the way he did. I would only cherish you, Key. I love you. I always have.”
I looked at Kenny and saw the sincerity in his eyes. I believed him when he said he would cherish me. It was nothing, back in the day, for Kenny and me to declare our love for each other. For me, my love was purely platonic, never romantic. I thought his love was the same, but after that kiss, I realized that his was romantic.
“What about Tretina?”
