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“I know it sounds stupid, but I didn’t intend for it to go this far. I put myself in a situation I thought I could handle and I couldn’t. After it happened, I told her it could never happen again, but she keeps texting me. I’ve been ignoring them and deleting them, but I hadn’t deleted them before Key saw them.” I looked down the hall, then continued, “I just want to tell Key I’m sorry, but she keeps trying to take my life.”
“I have zero sympathies for a man in a committed relationship that can’t control his dick. Zero. You have created a situation that she may not be able to recover from. I guess none of that entered your mind when you weresleeping withthat other woman?” Samuel said.
“I didn’t think past the moment. It was impulsive and dumb,” I admitted.
“Try life-altering. Impulsive is eating two pieces of cake when you should’ve only eaten one. Stepping out on your Queen is life-altering.”
“El, man I don’t need a lecture.”
“Nigga obviously you do! You should have found someone to talk to before you took steps to destroy your family, my G. Averie and I haven’t been together in two weeks, and we had to stop our plans to come here to rescue you. You’re going to hear about it whether you like it or not. That’s what’s wrong with us as men. We don’t tell each other the truth. We ignore the dumb crap that the man next to us does. That’s not going to fly with me. You messed up. You had her threatening your life with a weapon in her hand. Do you know how quickly that could have gone left? Now she is back there broken and confused because of you.”
“That wasn’t my intention,” I said with clenched fists.
Damn! The last thing I wanted to do was to argue with Samuel also. I didn’t feel like hearing what I’d done wrong. I was grown enough to understand the repercussions of my actions.
“You didn’t have any intentions when you fucked that broad, and that’s the problem. As a man, everything you do should be intentional; deliberate, calculated. You know that, but you thought you could shit in a paper bag, and the smell wouldn’t seep through.”
Whatever the fuck that means…
I was tired. I was tired of hearing Samuel’s lecture. I was tired of wondering if my wife was going to kill me. I was tired of hiding this whole thing from Key. I was just tired.
I sat down on the couch and put my face in my hands.
“Do you think she will forgive me?” I asked after several minutes of silence.
“For her sake, I hope she does, but that doesn’t mean she will let you back in. Forgiveness is a gift. Access is earned. You probably should give her some time to calm down. Do you have anywhere you can go until she does?”
“I mean, I could go to my parents’ house, but I don’t feel like answering all the questions they are going to have. I can get a room for a couple of days.”
“I have a client who owns one of the hotels downtown. He can hook you up with a good rate for a few days. I will text you the address and his contact information. I will let him know you are coming.”
“Thanks, Samuel. I am going to go ahead and leave. I will text Key and let her know where I am staying.”
“Kerem, on my life, if I find out that you had some broad up in that hotel room, it’s going to be you and me. If you don’t want to be with Key, then tell her and move on. Don’t take this as no free pass to do whatever.”
I’d let him play the big brother and protector role for now. I wasn’t scared of Samuel, but I did respect him, so I would let that threat slide, this time.
“I want my wife. I fucked up. I’m going to fix it no matter what it takes.”
* * *
Isat on the bed of the hotel suite replaying the day’s events in my head. I should’ve erased her text messages, but it was a new text that Key saw. I should’ve blocked her number, but I needed to contact her about business. I should’ve lied and said I didn’t know who the text message came from. Keeva would’ve found out the truth eventually. There really was no getting out of this. Despite my best efforts, my wife found out that I had stepped out on her. I had zero intentions of ever telling Key about my slip up.
I am at the McClain Hotel downtown. Room 1203.
I hit send on the text and waited to see if Keeva would respond, she didn’t. I put my phone on the nightstand and laid back on the bed.
Seeing the look of hurt in Keeva’s eyes gutted me. I never wanted to be the one that caused her any pain. I always wanted to be the one who put a smile on her face. Her smile is what drew me to her. Her smile was my happy place. When everything around me was going haywire, I could FaceTime her, and all would be right with the world. I knew when I was thirteen years old that Keeva was end game for me. I knew that my life wouldn’t work without her in it. I knew that I wanted to build a life and grow old with her.
1996
“There’s that girl that you keep being afraid to talk to,” Peaches, my best friend said after he nudged me.
I looked up from lacing my skates and felt my stomach dropped as I turned in the direction of the girl who’d recently become the star of all my daydreams and my wet dreams. Her cocoa skin, long black hair, and full lips were always on my mind.
She was walking towards the skate rental desk with two other girls that were always with her. One looked like her, so I assumed she was her sister and the other I guessed was her friend. They were only guesses because I was afraid to talk to her.
She looked dope in her denim overalls with an airbrushed t-shirt underneath and some Lugz boots. I watched her ask the guy behind the counter to tighten the wheels on her yellow skates, while she smiled and laughed with her friends.
