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ChapterFifteen
Jo stared unseeingly at the roof in her room. The blackout curtains were pulled back, leaving the sheer ones over the glass windows, which allowed the darkness from outside to seep into the already darkened room. The stillness in the air was palpable and only seemed to magnify her racing thoughts.
Her mind kept replaying the way Cora had used her problem with Tracy to hurt her in the heat of the moment. She’d thought they were making progress in their already fragile relationship, but maybe she had jumped the gun a little early. Maybe they had just been kidding themselves into thinking that they could go back to the way they were— twenty-five years was probably too much time to make up for. Perhaps, coming back to Oak Harbor itself was a mistake. Her stomach clenched at the thought.
Jo stayed in the same position until the first signs of light from the hidden sun dispersed, illuminating the dark skies. She took it as her cue to go for a run to clear her mind.
Scooting to the edge of the bed, she swung her legs over before standing and stretched out the tightness she felt in her shoulders and lower back.
After washing up, she donned her running gear and headed downstairs. The house was still as quiet as it had been since the moment she opened her eyes over two hours ago. As far as she could tell, everyone was still asleep, but she didn’t mind.
When her sneaker-clad feet touched the gravel of the walkway that led from the porch to the arched driveway, Jo took off running.
She breathed in and out as she went, her chest moving up and down as her lungs worked hard to balance the exchange of gases in her body. She had been running for the past hour, overextending herself. Her calves prickled with signs of fatigue, but she didn’t want to stop, not until she had made it to the end of the narrow beach trail that bordered Flintstone Park.
The run had been to clear her mind and regroup, but her thoughts continued to race ahead of her feet. She felt frustrated, but still, she willed her body forward. Running along the shoreline, taking the salty air into her lungs as the cold morning air whipped her face, usually helped her get her mind back to harmony, but today her thoughts chose to run renegade against her desires.
She finally slowed her steps as she felt her legs tightening and threatening to give way. She stopped completely and leaned over, grasping her thighs as she took quick breaths to replenish the oxygen in her lungs.
Spotting a boulder a few feet from where she was, she straightened up and made her way over to rest against it. Jo rested her lower back against the smooth rock face, and her feet parted for balance as she stared out across the horizon. She could see cormorants moving about on the water’s wavy surface before they disappeared into the depths on their quest for fish. She potted a bald eagle gliding a few feet above the water, barely a flap from its magnificent wingspan. These were the things that made her love the outdoors so much— the opportunity to experience and appreciate nature in its purest form.
Just then, her phone pinged. Reaching into the pocket of her leggings, she pulled out the device and held it up to see a message from Tracy. Her heart rate quickened as she went to open it and read.
“I’m really sorry, Mom.”
Jo released the breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. The message gave her hope— her daughter was ready to talk to her. Pressing the call button, she put the phone to her ear and waited anxiously for her daughter to pick up. After the third ring, Tracy answered.
“Mom, hi,”came her daughter’s soft, unsure voice.
“Hi, sweetie…I got your text,” she answered equally as soft. She held the phone tightly to her ear, waiting for her daughter’s response after a long pause.
“I’m really sorry, Mom,”she finally replied.
Tracy’s pained voice coming through the speaker tugged at Jo’s heart.
“Oh, sweetie. You don’t have anything to apologize for. The fault was all mine,” she tried to appease her daughter.
“But Mom, I-I-… I shouted at you. I-I—”
“Tracy, sweetie, don’t. You had a right to react the way you did. I kept something very important from you, and that’s something I will regret for a very long time.” Jo wished her daughter could see how much she regretted her actions, but her words would have to suffice.
“But that’s the thing, Mom… none of this was your fault,” her daughter interjected. “I wish you had told me, and I didn’t have to find out the way I did, but I know, even while I was angry at you, that you only did it to protect me.” Jo could hear Tracy draw in a long breath, then release it slowly. “I can’t imagine how devastated you were to find out that Dad was an embezzler and that he caused Nick’s death. How… how could he have done that to our family, Mom?”
Jo felt her heart break from the raw pain in her daughter’s voice. It was the same pain she’d felt. Those were the same words she’d asked herself many lonely nights as she cried into her pillow, waiting for sleep to take her tired body. She wished she was right there by her side to give her a hug, to run her hand through her hair, to kiss her temple, and tell her that it was all going to be okay.
“Sweetie,” she started cautiously. “What your father did was wrong on so many levels, and we’re suffering because of it, but I need you to know that even though he did all that, he loved you and your brother very much. He would have done anything to keep you both sheltered and happy. He made mistakes, but I choose to believe that he was still a good man. I know it will take you some time to get there, believe me, I know, but I want you to find it in your heart to forgive your father and focus on the good parts— everything you knew before this.”
The silence from the other end of the line told her that Tracy was struggling with what she’d just said. “Sweetie, no matter what, he was your father,” she coaxed.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to move past the fact that Nick is dead because of Dad’s carelessness, Mom,” her daughter said, deadly calm.
Jo opened her mouth to speak but quickly closed it. What could she say to her daughter to make her see that holding on to the anger and feeling of betrayal wasn’t healthy? How could she encourage her, knowing it took months for her to get to a place where she could forgive Charles? “I know it’s hard, sweetie, and I understand it will take time to get there, but please try to forgive him for me.”
At this, Tracy released a frustrated sigh. “Can we talk about something else now?” she asked, changing the subject.
Jo’s lips turned down in sadness at her daughter’s avoidance. “Okay, sweetie,” she softly agreed. “How is Josh doing?”
“Josh is great. He’s been very understanding,” her daughter replied, her voice less pained. “He helped me realize that I needed to speak to you, that I shouldn’t blame you for trying to protect me and deal with this all by yourself.”
