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Olivia was all that mattered now. And he would try his hardest to be a good husband to her… if she would only let him.
***
Olivia sat down at her dressing table, putting her head in her hands. It had been a long, confusing evening. Suddenly, she was betrothed. And Grandpapa was the happiest she had ever seen him.
“This is a dream come true, Olivia,” he had told her, in a quiet voice thrumming with joy, when they had a moment alone. “I finally have an heir. And you shall become his wife and one day countess. Essington Manor will be your home, and your mother’s home, forever.” He shook his head incredulously.
“And the icing on this marvellous cake is that you and Alexander have fallen in love. I hoped but did not dare believe it would happen. I know you will be cherished as you should be. I shall die content now.”
She had not had the heart to burst the bubble of his joy. To tell him that while she and Alexander shared a fierce desire for each other, they were hardly love’s young dream. Her new fiancé did not love her. She had given him every opportunity to tell her if he did, and the words had never arrived.
A single tear slid down her face. All she had ever wanted was a love match. She knew now that overwhelming desire had misled her to believe Bertie was the one. She had been so hungry for it that she had rushed into it. Bertie was not the man she believed he was at all. And he certainly had not loved her in the way she thought he had. She had been forced to admit to herself that she did not love him in that way either.
Her feelings were such a tangled mess that she could not make head nor tail of them. She knew she cared for Alexander, despite fighting it tooth and nail. And she wanted him to care for her the same way. She knew that he did, in his own way. He would hardly have reacted the way he had to news of her supposed engagement to Bertie, rushing over here in a twist, if he did not. But that certainly did not mean he loved her in the way she wanted.
He had proposed because he had to. It was as simple as that. He did not want to marry her. It had not been the sweet proposal she had always hoped for from her husband to be. It was not a great love story like her parents love story, which had been the yardstick her whole life.
Olivia stood up, climbing into bed. She felt alone and bereft. Everyone seemed happy about this except the two people at the heart of it. Even Emma, after her shock at the news had receded, had wished her joy. But Emma was marrying a man who loved her and who she loved in return. There was no confusion or uncertainty about it for her friend. And she wanted Olivia to have the same happy ending she was getting.
Olivia sighed, burrowing beneath the blankets. She would confide in Emma tomorrow that it was not as happy an occasion as she thought. She needed one person onside who knew the truth. One person with whom she couldspeakthat truth.
She sighed again, staring up at the ceiling. There was no way out of it now. She could not tell either her grandfather or her mother the truth of it. They were clutching desperately at the belief that she and Alexander were in love. They wanted them to be happy together.
The tears silently slid down her face. It was happening now. It was real. Grandpapa was announcing it tomorrow. He wanted a quick wedding, just family and close friends, here in London. Mama was already excitedly planning the wedding. They were going to the modiste tomorrow for the first wedding gown fitting. It was all rushing ahead at such a pace that her head was dizzy with it.
There was no way out. They were both trapped.
Hastily, she wiped away the tears. She must resolve herself to it. She would do everything she could to be a good wife to him. She refused to start her married life resenting him. She would do her best and she could do no more. Hopefully, they could carve out a happy life together. At least she would be staying in her beloved home forever, as would her mother.
That was the silver lining she must cling to now. What other choice did she have?
