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Chapter 21
In the days that followed, Laura took the time to read Edward’s book at every opportunity she had. It was a fascinating story about one man’s journey at sea, and Laura thought of how it made perfect sense that Edward dreamed about that life. She could practically taste the ocean air as she read. In one particularly interesting passage, the man at sea encountered a massive whale. The book’s passage was very descriptive about the exhilaration that he felt and the marvellous creature's incredible beauty.
The book prompted Laura to want to go out to sea, as well. She’d never seen the ocean in her life, but reading about it, the sea was so vivid and clear. One day, she promised herself, she’d see it with her own two eyes. In a most perfect world, she’d go with Edward to see it. But Laura was getting ahead of herself.
Of course, she’d never find herself on a boat with Edward. The prospect was ridiculous. But she was learning that in her mind, anything was possible. She could journey across the globe in her imagination, and no one could stop her. In her fantasies, there was nothing that she could not do. And that’s why she was beginning to fantasize about Edward, in the physical sense.
This troubled her at first. Never had Laura fantasized about such things in her mind. She hadn’t even a clue as to what a man looked like when he was undressed. But for whatever reason, she could imagine what Edward looked like. She could see him, feel him, at times, even taste him. Was it wrong to have such thoughts? Laura considered it to be the same as imagining herself on the ocean. She was free to do that, so why was she not free to imagine other things that she desired? In moments of shame, Laura reminded herself that human longing was not bad.
Considering that all of these things flooded her mind each day, Laura was extra nervous about encountering Edward. She’d blush profusely, thinking that he somehow could see right through her and what it was that occupied her mind. She was particularly cautious not to make eye contact with Edward when she entered the dining room. And despite all of this, Laura could feel his eyes on her.
In the afternoon, Harrison advised her to bring the lordship tea, and Laura refused, saying that she felt a tad under the weather and instructing Diana to do it for her. Diana looked at Laura in a confused manner, and Laura merely said she would explain it all at another time.
Later that night, Diana entered the room to find Laura nose-deep in her book. “Are you feeling all right?”
“Yes, yes.” Laura closed the book and placed it on her lap. “I was terrified to see the master this afternoon.”
“Why?”
“For no particular reason.” Laura was unable to explain the graphic visuals in her mind. It was her own secret that she didn’t wish to share.
“I could see the disappointment in his eye when I entered the room!”
“That can’t be true.”
“It is true. He was expecting you. Of course, he was very civil.”
“I should hope so.”
“So, what’s the real truth for why you are avoiding him?”
Laura sighed. “I fear that my feelings are only getting stronger. It’s so utterly ridiculous, I know.”
“There’s nothing ridiculous about it in the slightest.”
“It’s all just imagination.” Laura couldn’t say exactly what kind of imagination.
“I must tell you that I relate. The last home I worked in, I had a tremendous fondness for the cook.” Diana sat on the bed and turned to Laura. “He was a very handsome man.”
“That’s an entirely different situation!”
“No, not really. You see … the cook was married.”
“Diana!”
“I know, I know. I didn’t have any physical relations with him, of course. But I thought about it a great deal.”
“I admit, that’s what I do.”
Diana placed her hands on Laura’s shoulders. “It’s all right, Laura. You’re a lady, he’s a handsome man, and these things are natural.”
“That’s what I tell myself, but I can’t help feeling a touch of guilt.”
“You never know. Perhaps he does the same.”
Laura threw her head back and laughed. “There’s no chance of that.”
“How would you know?”
