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An attendant came, apologized for interrupting him then introduced himself. “Your carriage is here, Your Grace.”
Stiffly, he folded the paper and put it aside before leaving the room. The back of his neck prickled with the heaviness ofmany gazes, but he did not turn around. He stepped into the carriage and closed the doorbehind him. As the vehicle made it to the hotel, Isaac wracked his brain for an explanationas to what Helena was doing—but could not find a definitive answer.
The most obvious one was that she wanted another relationship with him, as she had so eloquentlyexpressed that day with her impromptu arrival as his home.
With all the bad blood between us, surely, she cannot still think that she and I can become anything more than acquaintances.
Anyconnection between the two of them,that was more than italready was, would be disastrous. But from experience, he knew Helena was more than ready to throw caution to the wind if she was set into getting what she wanted.
Rubbing the back of his neck, Isaac sighed, hoping, and praying that this was the last time he would run intoHelena.
***
Louisa sat nervously on the back porch of the Winston Estate andgripped the edges of the bench so hard her knuckled turned whitewhile she waited for Amelia to come out. Isaac had been absent from the estate the past few days and his absence had given her a chance to think and had made it easier for her in her decision to stay away from him for a while.
She still remembered the hint about permanency in his life, but she did not know if it meant that he would have her as a mistress for the rest of his life, or more terrifying that he would marry her.But what made her heart churnwas the haunting feeling that he would hurt her much more than anyone could have if he only wanted a dalliance with her.
If that was the case, she would leave. Isaac’s attention had been wonderful, but Louisa felt that there was still a chasm within him that she would never breach. He had told her and showed her that he cared for her, but it chafed her heat knowing that not once had he told her if he loved her or not.It would hurt moving away from him, but to save both of their hearts, it would probably be the best.
Amelia came in, her cheeks bright and her hair a bit tousled. Her apron, that she was using to dry her hands, came back a bit smudged and she was wearing outside shoes.
“Er, what’s going on?” Louisa asked.
Taking the seat next to her, Amelia sighed out lovingly. “Samuel and I just finished feeding some of the pups My Lord’s Irish Wolfhound birthed. And…” She pinked. “He kissed me.”
Laughing, Louisa flung her arms around her friend. “See, I told you that he was more interested in you than me. Do you like him?”
“I do.” Amelia hugged her back. “He’s such a gentleman, and I do like him. There are a few rules here and there about romantic relationships between servants but I’m sure we will find a way around it. Now, tell me, what is making you so unhappy?”
Unwilling to break her friend’s happiness, Louisa tried to pretend that she was fine. “Why do you think I am upset?”
“Because I know you.” Amelia nudged her shoulder. “What is bothering you?"
Sighing, Louisa started at the beginning, from the first time Isaac had kissed her to the nights they spent in the library and to the nights she spent in his room. With a grimace, she added how she hated sneaking out of the room and how she wanted to stay—but could not.
“And?” Louisa asked. “What is the real problem?”
Looking down, she admitted, “…I told him that I loved him, and he never said it back.”
“Oh no,” Amelia sighed, and held her hand tightly. “That is horrible.”
“And the worst part is, that I did not want to admit it, but under all of it, I feel that I am only an interim, a substitution for someone who will come along. Someone like Miss Follet. I have seen the lady, Amelia; of course, he would fall in love with a beauty like Miss Follet. She is willowy, gorgeous, feminine, elegant, andbrilliant, from what Isaac told me. Everything I am not.”
Amelia’s warm arm wrapped around Louisa’s shoulder. “Do not think like that, Louisa,” Amelia consoled her. “Have you gotten any indication that he's looking for another woman?”
“No.” Louisa shook her head. “But is it not inevitable, Louisa? I am not a part of his world, and I will never be. I am glad that I helped him out of his depression and all, but…I’m fooling myself.”
“I agree that it looks difficult, Louisa, but by far and large, I have never seen you as happy asyou were days ago. Yes, you had worries sprinkled in, but you were happy. Do you think that maybe His Grace is the same too?”
Louisa looked at herwith a crinkled brow.“You mean he is as worried as I am?”
“Yes.”
“But what would he worry about regarding me?” Louisa asked. “Does he think I am going to betray him like Miss Follet? If that is it, he is wrong. I don’t—I mean, there is no possible way I could ever double-cross him. But I am deathly afraid that I will be another one to break him if I realizethat heonly wants me for a diversion.”
“Well, I would think if he is going to be that much of a rapscallion to toy with you, he would not be disappointed at all,” Amelia huffed. “But I do not get that impression. I have heard that His Grace is a very straightforward man. What you see is what you will get with him.”
“Which only confuses me that much more,” Amelia shook her head. “He sent me medicine when I was ill, a public display of care, but in those private moments, why wouldn’t he—” She broke off with a disparaging laugh. “I am writing my own Cheltenham Tragedy, aren’t I? And I must sound so weak and wretched and pathetic.”
“Wanting to love and be loved is not a pitiful thing,” Amelia said calmly. “All our lives, we have barely had anyone to love us in any way, much less the love you might be holding. I donot want you to throw away that chance. Have you gotten a chance to talk with him?”
Scuffing her foot on the board floor, Louisa shook her head. “No, he has been away from the manor for the past few days.”
“When you get to see him, talk with him,” Amelia advised, while her brow lowered to pin Louisa was a penetrating look. “And I meantalkwith him. Tell him your fears. He will probably understand and might even tell you some of his.”
A cold feeling began to settle inside Louisa’s chest, but she managed to brave a smile ofagreement for Amelia. “I will talk to him when we have a private moment. Now, tell me, did you truly just feed these pups with Samuel, or was it something more?”
Sticking her head up in the air and sniffing indignantly, Amelia said, “Why, you insult me, Miss, I am the paragon of virtue, if you must know.”
After a moment, both burst into laughter, the levity breaking up the grim moments just before, and somehow, Louisa felt that maybe, just maybe, she was wrong about her fears.
