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Chapter 6
Brian shouldn’t have done it. But impulse had its way. Brian did his best not to think about it while sitting over a handful of unsent letters. He would occasionally get up from the desk and stretch. Other times, he would guzzle down some water for energy. Anything to keep his mind off Harper and that kiss.
He couldn’t tell what was better, the kiss or hearing that she had enjoyed it. Would he have taken it back if he could have? Probably not. If it was good for anything–it would be a good memory. Just like the first time they had ever spoken about kisses when they were younger.
“I bet you’ll never even kiss a boy. Not with those teeth,” Brian said as he and Harper played in the courtyard.
“Is that all you ever have against me is my teeth? What girl would want to kiss a man that smells? You will scare them all away!”
Brian didn’t say anything, too in his own mind to care about their petty dispute. “What do you think it’s like to kiss? Have you ever thought about it?”
He watched her think. Something about the look she wore had answered a yes for him. “Maybe.”
That answer excited him, and he couldn’t understand why.
Brian sat back down before the letters and gave them another once over, shaking his mind free of the memories that didn’t matter.
The letters were all addressed to and from men that would be a supposed fit for Harper. He knew each and every one of them and he could not envision a single one being a good match for her. Most of them were bland in personality. Others had no money, and he didn’t want to put her into another James-like situation. And the rest, he couldn’t envision with her in general. Michael was also out. That that left nothing but a pile of useless letters and a continuous search.
Brian was frustrated because he knew that he was the blame for the lack of answers in that search. Maybe there was a part of him that was sitting in his office trying to sabotage things. And that was not fair to her. Not in the slightest. Despite her annoying tendencies, she deserved to be married and happy in life.
Thinking of her as annoying felt like a lie to him after the recent events that he did his best to not think about. He had kissed her. That made it difficult to make fun of her and called her annoying. She would never know that, of course.
He got up from the table once more. Brian couldn’t take another second looking at those letters. He would throw them out if it hadn’t been the wrong thing to do.
Looking out the window at the town, watching all the busy and happy faces go by, Brian could no longer avoid the inevitable thoughts that wanted to dance in his mind. He needed to think of her. He needed to think of that smile, those lips, that sarcasm, that strength. Harper. She had filled his mind ever since their ride. Even more so than before. No matter what he had been doing at home, Harper snuck into his thoughts like some sort of brazen burglar.
It was being conflicted that bothered him most. One moment, he was telling Michael that he wanted to court her. The next, he was telling Michael to court her himself. Then he kissed her. Right after that, he told Harper that he would never take a wife.
Brian knew that he was all over the place. It had been a feeling that he had never experienced before. Usually, he was in control of his feelings. He could turn them on and off however he so pleased. But that was not possible with Harper. It was as though she was the one doing the turning them on and off in his mind.
That was fine, though. He would eventually learn how to control that, just as he could control his other emotions. The driving force behind it all was his father. His father could not get his way. Brian was not ready to get married. There was still plenty of places in the world that he wanted to explore first. So, Harper would not get her way. Even if she did enjoy the kiss.
***
The letters had remained on his desk collecting dust. He would get to them another time. Until that time arrived, he needed to clear his head. Brian and Connor had decided to utilize the good weather and go shoot.
They ended up down near the river where they’d played as children. The place still looked exactly the same, only smaller. Over the years, Brian had noticed that when returning to places that he had been around as a child, everything always appeared as shrunken versions of themselves, from play places to his home, all the way down to his father. At one point in time when he was younger, his father had appeared to him like a giant. In his adult years, he was nothing but a man with outdated views.
The river was surrounded by tall trees. The only sounds that filled the air were chattering birds and their footsteps. It was a different type of peaceful from the peaceful that he had back in his office. It was far more freeing and allowed him to escape his stresses.
“How has it gone with the hunt to find Harper a suitor?”
Brian had wished Connor hadn’t said her name. Even while shooting he had to have her on the mind. “It is fruitless. I cannot picture any of these boring men as being able to keep her attention for more than ten minutes. Even Michael let me down. So much for that charisma that he always brags about.” Connor laughed as he set his belongings down on the ground. “You will find her a suitor when you least expect it, I suppose. That is how life usually works.”
“Yes. Now, if you don’t mind, I really would like to not think about her while we are out here. I feel as though my life has been a non-stop Harper event ever since her ball. I need a break from her.”
“Fair enough. Let me tell you about what happened with my family business.”
The two got into that. Then the conversation veered into politics, and then wealth. Connor was very intelligent, just as his sister was smart. Sometimes Brian would forget just how smart Connor actually was with how much he teased him from time to time. It was one of those moments where Brian wondered if he really did need to tone down his ways. Maybe he would even bicker less with Harper. Not that it mattered.
Just then, Brian heard voices ahead. They were coming through the trees. When Brian looked over in the distance, he spotted Michael and Harper sitting together. Every now and then they would both laugh over whatever they were speaking about. Her attendant was watching carefully in the distance.
“I think I’d like to leave, Connor. If you don’t mind.” His words were rather abrupt from the previous tone that he had been using in their conversation, but Connor did not ask any questions. They packed up their gear and went on their way.
The entire way back, Connor did not say a word. He could sense that Brian was angry about something. He knew his friend enough to know when not to bother him. It harkened back to his intelligence. He wasn’t only smart, he was emotionally smart as well. That was a trait that Brian wished he had. Brian was not good at reading people. That was most likely why he always had a habit of offending them. Harper was the perfect example.
Just thinking about her while walking back made him clench his fist. He was almost stomping while he walked, he was so angry.
