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Chapter 20
Brian’s leg shook in his carriage. He felt the stress all over his body and his father had only added to it. Brian had been called to his office and he was utterly sick of it. He still treated him like he was a child. He would still be summoned as if he had done something wrong and needed to be punished. It wasn’t fair.
He looked outside his carriage wondering at what age would it be, that he was finally a man before his father’s eyes. Did he need to have grey hair before that happened? It was ironic to Brian because he had adult problems. His new wife was not speaking to him. His future was uncertain, and no matter what he did to remedy his marital issues, he only seemed to make things worse.
Then there was Marianne.
What was he to do about that beyond strange situation? It was the last thing that he had expected from her. And at a time where his mind needed to be on Harper. She was what mattered and with his love for her growing, it became more and more difficult to avoid their flame.
It was only three days after his arrival in London that his father had summoned him to his office, as always. The walk from the carriage to his office made him clench his jaw tight. Brian couldn’t remember the last time he entered his father’s office without anger. Maybe when he was a child. Even then, it was hit or miss.
“Father,” Brian said while pulling up a chair to his desk. “I am here as you wish. What is it now that you berate me for?”
His father looked at him with stern eyes. He then sarcastically looked to Brian’s right side, then his left. “Do not act like you do not know why you are here, Brian. I have people all over town and they have told me that you have come here without your wife. And, from your loose lips, I have heard that you do not intend to go home to her. Is that so?”
Brian’s jaw had remained so clenched that it almost felt like his teeth were going to shatter. He shook his head. “Father, I have taken a wife just as you nagged me to do so. It was not something that I had been excited to do, but I did it. With all due respect, whether she is here or not is my business, no?”
His father gave him a measured look. “Always with the defensive behaviour. And always with the plethora of excuses.”
“That’s me, I presume. What can I do? I work with the personality that I was given at birth.” He put his feet up on his father’s desk until his father’s eyes scared them off.
“And what is Harper doing while you are here, wasting my time with your quips?”
“If you did not want my quips, you should not have summoned me. You know that the quips come everywhere I go.” Brian could not help but think about his father’s question.
He imagined Harper home alone, maybe crying, and sulking over the fact that she would need to live out her days with a husband who treated her far less than fairly. It was a sad image to have floating around. She didn’t deserve any of it. She deserved a husband that not only loved her but could be affectionate with that love. Brian didn’t even know if he was physically capable of such things.
“You didn’t answer my question, son.”
“Perhaps she is gardening. There is plenty of space and great weather for her to do so.”
His father let out a sigh. “At least you are not taking other women.”
Brian’s face went red. “I would never do that to Harper. I may be a jerk and void of the knowledge of how to be a good husband, but I would never be unfaithful to Harper. Ever.” His voice had grown far louder than he had anticipated. It embarrassed him to the extent that he shifted in his seat.
His father wore a look of confusion. “Is that a touchy subject for you?”
“It should be a touchy subject in any marriage. No one wants to be accused of being unfaithful. That is the worst wrong you could do in a marriage. I would never.”
“And I never accused you of that, did I?”
“No, you did not.”
There was an awkward silence between them, as if poisoned air had filled the room. Brian looked around everywhere but his father’s eyes. He kept thinking back to the moment with Marianne and felt immense guilt about it. Even though he had done nothing wrong, there was still an element of wrong that came with it. There was something that felt dirty about it all. Sitting before his father was like sitting on trial for a crime he did not commit. He knew that it was all in his head, but he couldn’t help it. He did not want to let Harper down as much as he had already.
“Do you truly love Harper?” his father asked, seemingly unfazed by the silence that preceded him.
Brian looked away at the question. He had never said it out loud. He had barely thought about it out of fear for it becoming one hundred per cent true. But he would have to face it. It was unavoidable.
“Can I be frank with you, Father?” That was a rare act for Brian.
“That is what I am here for. If you cannot be frank with me, then who?”
It was true. Brian had alienated all his friends and really didn’t have much other family in the way that he could be open with them. In many ways, his father was all he had. “I do love Harper. I love her very much.”
“But?”
He finally looked his father in the eyes, bewildered by what he was about to admit. “I am afraid of what might happen if I love her too strongly.”
