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"Allison, I'm sorry. It just happened." I laugh at his response and look him straight in his dark eyes.
"Your cock just happened to be inside her pussy. It just happened over and over for three months? I can't believe you did this to me...A-Again!"
I can tell that his guilt is slowly going away, and he is becoming agitated.
"What did you expect, Allison? The only reason you wanted to have sex with me was to make a damn baby." I'm shocked at his response and am at a loss of how to respond.
"Our sex life was a chore, every time we had sex it was the same thing over and over. We weren't adventurous or spontaneous anymore."
I take both my hands and untie my coat and open it to show what's underneath.
"Is this spontaneous enough for you? I came to surprise you tonight since you have been working late all the damn time."
His eyes are moving up and down my body at the red lace lingerie I have on that was his favorite. I close my jacket because he doesn't deserve to see me in this ever again.
"How did you expect us to still be spontaneous when you aren't around?" Before he can answer I blurt out everything that I have been keeping in this whole time.
"We are adults Andrew and life can get chaotic, we both are working fulltime and I'm in law school. We can’t just keep fucking like rabbits like we use to when we were young." I pause for a second.
"You said you wanted to try for a baby again?" I nudged my head a little signaling that he can talk now.
"I did want a baby but that's all you made it about, every damn time. It's too much Allison."
"Then you talk to your wife about how you feel, or bring it up in counseling, not go bury your dick in your secretary because it's more convenient, you stupid asshole! I lost the baby too; it wasn't just you! You never told me how it made you feel, and you just immersed yourself with your work when I needed you the most."
The insecurities are laid out in his expression as he looks up at my cheeks that have tears rolling down them. He never talked about the hurt he was feeling when we found out we lost the baby. I could tell that a piece of his heart was missing after that and I tried to talk to him about it, but his response was always that he was fine and had work to do.
"Do you love her?" His face scrunches up and he goes to open his mouth to respond but then closes it without answering.
"It's just easier with her, that's all." I look away and blink a little to stop my tears and wipe my face. I take a few seconds to collect myself and try to ease my anger.
"I always thought that you were my soulmate, Andrew. That we could get through anything as long as we had each other. We have spent most of our young years together and we haven't given ourselves time to find who we are on our own."
It hurts me so much to think about life without him in it. We were inseparable at the beginning of our relationship, and I think that if we had the baby, it would still come to this. Saying you love someone is easy, but it's the work that follows after the honeymoon phase that will make or break your relationship. Anyone that says love is easy is full of shit! It's hard and if you truly love that person, you will do anything to keep them, but you also need to know your limits. You can't be the only one doing all the work!
Andrew and I were so close, and the honeymoon phase seemed like it lasted a while until we lost the baby. That's when we started to lose each other. I think we both were trying to cope but were trying to do it on our own instead of together like we should have been. We were young when we got together and never had the opportunity to love ourselves first.
"What are you saying?" Andrew looks at me with despair knowing exactly what I mean.
"Andrew…We have loved each other for years, but we haven't really been in love with each other for some time." I hear him gulp and he leans forward putting his hands on his desk and to support his body. His head tilts down and I hear him muffle something under his breath.
"I want a divorce, Andrew!"
I can't believe those words just came out of my mouth. The girl who has always been self-conscious of herself and would try anything for love all of a sudden has this hidden courage. I see the hurt in his eyes when he looks back up at me.
"If that's what you truly want." He says with his crackling voice.
This isn't what I want at all. I want to go back a year and have us open up ourselves to each other and help each other through our trauma. I wanted us BOTH to fight for our relationship harder, so I didn't have to walk in on you fucking your secretary. I feel the anger building up inside of me again when I think of the whole year after losing the baby and the six months of wasted marriage counseling. I never thought that I would catch him cheating on me not once but twice!
"I think it's for the best! You will always have a place in my heart Andrew, but we need to stop kidding ourselves here. I'll be at home packing my things, I'm going to stay at Isabelle’s house for the weekend." I turn and walk out his office door to the elevator. I wait for him to come after me, but I know we are too far gone for that.
???
I tell Jasmine to follow me to break Andrews' trance of her. He doesn't deserve to look at her like that, especially in front of me. He couldn't wait until I left for christ sake. I spend the rest of the day training her on my various tasks trying not to stare too much at her. She truly is beautiful, long brunette hair just past her breast, Hazel eyes, and perfect white teeth, and a tan I would die for. She is basically every guy's dream.
“So, who was that other guy Christian was talking with?”
I was really hoping I could have gone the rest of the day without having to talk about Andrew to this woman.
