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“Andrew Dolan. Christian does business with him sometimes. You won't have to deal with him at all for this work.” I can see her enthusiastic smile fade into a frown.
“That's a shame, he was gorgeous. I hope he comes around more often.”
Yuck, is she really contemplating, going for Andrew right now? I guess in her defense, she doesn't know that the man she has googly eyes for is my ex-husband.
“He probably will now that I'm leaving!” I didn't mean to have that come off as bitchy as it did, and I can tell that I just made the dynamic of this conversation different. She looks confused at my outburst.
“Andrew is my…ex-husband.” I can see the embarrassment splayed across her face at my clarification.
“I didn't mean…I….I apologize.”
I can tell she is genuinely sorry about trying to get with him, but to be honest, I could give a rat's ass who he goes out with anymore. He clearly doesn’t care for me anymore; he made that clear both times he stuck his dick in two other women when we were married.
“Truly it's fine, we've been divorced for a few months now. So, no hard feelings!”
I thought that there would be a ping of jealousy in me, but I don't even feel an ounce. The flashback of Andrew and Jane always justifies the divorce for me. It feels good to not have to try countless times to get someone's attention anymore. I can honestly say that every day I love being alone and the freeing feeling I get from it!
Chapter Eight
Dinner with my parents went as expected. My father was a mute sitting at the table eating while my mother rattled off a million questions about school and if I was ready. One thing I can say about what I got from my mother that I appreciate, is her organization craze. I am always doing to-do lists to stay on top of everything and it has saved my ass so many times. After my interrogation from her was done we went through some of my old high school things. I found some of the old journals that I had written in throughout the four years. Senior year I had written my first full book, but I didn't tell anyone about it. Well, except for Dex, but I wouldn't let him read it.
How embarrassing would it be for a teacher to read a story based on him and realize the main character falls in love with him? Pretty fucking weird if you ask me, but now that we both are older, I wouldn’t mind having an editor take a look at it. I scooped up all my old stories and brought them home. I stayed up all night reading them and just reminiscing on the emotions I had felt while I was writing each word. As I pick up the book I wrote, my playlist starts to play “Think about me” by Fleetwood Mac. I laugh at the perfect timing of the song.
What I would give to know that Dexter is thinking about me as much as I'm thinking about him.We had this weird dynamic in high school. We were more friends than teacher and student. We made sure to make it look like a normal relationship to others, but my friends knew how I felt about him. I wanted to tell him how I felt about him, but it wouldn’t have worked anyway. I didn’t turn eighteen until graduation and I know he wasn’t that kind of person, regardless of our feelings.Well, my feelings. I don’t know if he looked at me the same way.
???
“So, what do you think?” I stand there nervously at Dexter’s desk waiting for him to finish my paper before I Submit it. I try not to look at his face when he is reading my paper for fear that I’ll be able to tell he doesn’t like it.
“Wow…”
I look up from my hands to see him putting the paper down on his desk.
“Was that a good wow or a bad wow?” A smile forms on his face at my question. He pulls a chair next to his desk and motions for me to sit down. I sit because I’m not sure I can trust my legs to stand any longer. I can feel the shift in my body when I’m this close to him, but he doesn’t show any signs.
“So…?” He laughs and points to my paper.
“This is magnificent, Allison! I told you that you belonged here! This program is going to be so good for you.”
When he said that I belonged here, my heart skipped a beat, I was hoping he meant here, beside him, but of course, he was talking about the creative writing program. I always doubted my writing, but he was always here to reassure me that I was good enough. No one else has put that kind of fire in me to pursue writing like he has.
“Really? You don’t think I should change…” He cuts me off again which should really annoy me, but I know why he does it. If I start to pick apart my paper, then ill spiral down into the whole self-doubt hole.
“No, you shouldn’t change a thing. It’s perfect the way it is!”
He is looking straight into my eyes now and I swear he wants to say more, but he doesn’t. His words came out differently than his mouth was forming them. My ears do this to me all the time. He will be saying something to the class, but my ears tell me he is saying these things to me that have me blushing at my desk. Right now, is one of those moments.He said you’re perfect the way you are! Did he actually say that?
“Allison, if you continue to doubt yourself then writing isn’t going to be enjoyable for you anymore. You’re an incredible writer and I have no doubt that you will go places with it. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, okay?”
He places his hand on top of my hand when he says okay, I know it was just a reassuring touch to let me know that he believes in me. He recoils his hand like he feels the sparks traveling through us too. He has no idea what he does to me with those eyes though. I know it’s wrong to think of your teacher this way, but I can’t help the way my body reacts to him. I’m a seventeen-year-old girl full of hormones and it seems they are all directed towards him. I just wish he wasn’t so oblivious to them, even though I know he wouldn’t do anything about them. He’s ten years older than me and he would never break the law like that and if he did, I don’t know if I would still have the same respect for him as I do now. So, add that to the list of things I’m grateful for from Dexter Laclaire.
“I won’t, I promise!”
???
I know how the book ends and part of me wants to change it to the truth. The main character didn’t get their happy ending and that is how it should be in the book. Sometimes I think movies, shows, and books do that on purpose. The writer so desperately wants a happy ending in reality. So, we write them instead to give others hope that a love like this really exists. I would say it’s a false hope, but then I look at Isabelle and Jeremy. They have been together since high school and are now engaged.
They are my inspiration for what true love really is. Everyone aspires to have a love that strong that it can last that long. I thought I had that with Andrew but look how that turned out. Maybe, I’ll just tweak the book a little. There are all these sappy love parts that make Dexter, well his name is Joseph in my book, a hopeless romantic instead of the girl. He makes her feel like the only girl in the whole world with his amount of support and reassurance. Maybe Dexter is a hopeless romantic, we never talked about those kinds of things. What I would give to have him here to see that I’m finally keeping my promise of pursuing writing.
