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“It’s different now. We are older and I haven’t seen you in years. I don’t even know if you’re married. What if I just kissed a married man?”
Dexter steps closer to me and I shake my head to him to stop but he doesn’t. His smile is turning my legs to jello and I can’t move. He stops in front of me and puts both of his hands up and flips them so I can see the front and back of his hands.
“No ring here Ally.”
“You could have taken it off.” He scrunches his eyebrows.
“Why are you so convinced I’m married?”
“I don’t want to be the other women.”
I close my eyes so he can’t see the hurt in them when the image of Andrew and Jane pops into my head. I feel both of his hands grip the side of my face and hear his soft whisper.
“Open your eyes, Ally.” I listen to him and slowly open my eyes as rain is rolling off my lashes.
“I would never do that, I told you that I would always make sure you’re safe.”
He kisses the top of my head and I lean into the affection he is showing me. My heart fills even more for this man and I know that soon he will fill every inch of it. Not rushing into things is going to be hard if my body reacts to his touch like this.
“Now get inside before you get sick. I’ll see you Friday, okay…Goodnight Ally.”
“Wait.”
Dexter turns around soaked in his button up and brown khakis and looks at me with his soft eyes. I can’t help but notice the way my heart is beating for him and how badly my body wants to be near him.
“Thank you.”
“Anytime, I’ll get the details of the wedding from you Friday.”
Before I can say anything else to him about not having to go with me, he gets into his car. I turn to open my door and step inside, after I close the door behind me, I hear his car pull off.
Chapter Eighteen
Waking up on your birthday should feel different, but it never does. Yesterday flew by even though I didn’t have much work to get done. Jasmine has been doing most of the work now and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling useless. All it seems I do now is review her work before sending it to Christian. I have this dreaded feeling that my days there are limited and coming to an end, sooner rather than later. I knew I wanted to leave the office eventually, but now I kind of need a job to afford my new life here.
My phone has multiple messages from Ilene and Izzy wishing me a happy birthday. Twenty-five is a weird age, I officially feel old now that I’m halfway to thirty. After classes today I’m finally going to get the bookcases, I promised my books. A little birthday gift to myself. I finish getting ready for school and decide to take the car to school today, just in case.
I’m nervous to see Dexter after Wednesday, I should have never kissed that man. I stayed inside all day yesterday so I wouldn’t happen to run into him. Baltimore is a big place so I don’t see how we can keep running into each other so much. What Ilene said is slowly growing on me with everyday I’m here. The fact that he is in my life again after seven years has to be a sign that he belongs there. I can’t help but think of the ways he has changed though. He’s so straightforward with his emotions towards me and it brings me off my game. As much as I want a life with him, it wouldn’t work. We are to close as friends to be more,but that’s what you wanted, Pam and Jim kind of love.My thought betrays me again, it would be looked at unfair if I was dating my professor.Right?
Izzy and her damn phone call messed everything up. Now I have to try to bring this gorgeous man as my date without slipping up again. I’m going to have to set up some serious boundaries for myself for the next few months if I’m going to get through this with my heart still in one piece.
???
Two comes faster than expected and I’m hoping the rest of the day goes by just as fast. I take my seat for class and the room is almost full again.Why is everyone getting here so early?Dexter walks into the classroom and he is walking with another woman talking. They both smile and she places her hand on his arm. I feel the jealously build up inside of me. I try to push it back down, but I fail miserably when she giggles and then takes her seat right in front of me. I glare at her before turning my attention to Dexter and his mischievous smile that I think is directed towards me. I could be wrong since Mrs. flirty sitting in front of me.
Dexter starts with the lesson, but I tune him out to eavesdrop on the conversation happening in front of me. Mrs. flirty is talking to her friend about how sexy Mr. Laclaire is and how she thinks he likes her. I can’t contain my chuckle and it comes out louder than I expect.
She turns around and gives me the dirtiest look before turning back forward to probably play googled eyes with Dex. Dexter pushes through the lesson completely ignoring my laughter. I try to pay attention to him, but I’m too invested in the conversation in front of me.
“He told me that he liked my paper and that I’m a gifted writer.” I feel the bile building up in the back of my throat when she says that. He said the same thing to me once upon a time and I thought he truly meant it. Apparently, he goes out and tells everyone that line. I try to swallow but my mouth is to dry, and I start coughing uncontrollably.
“Are you alright Ally?”
I wave my hand and nod my head to show I’m okay. After taking a few sips of my water, I get my coughing under control, but my heart is aching, and my brain won’t shut the fuck up. I can’t think about anything happening right now because I’m second guessing everything again. Every time I try to look up at him, I turn away as soon as he meets my gaze. Before class is over, I grab my things and head out the door to my car. There’s still thirty minutes left of class, but I need to separate myself from him. The way I feel around him is suffocating me lately with the constant struggle to get my brain and heart on the same page. I don’t know which one is right and which one should lead the way.
I pull into the target parking lot and make my way in to go look at the bookcases. I grab my order at Starbucks and then start with the retail therapy. I shouldn’t be sad on my birthday, but that ship has already sailed. After filling my cart with unnecessary home decor, I’m in the book aisle. Just browsing is what I tell myself every time, but you can’t make yourself happy without adding a few books to your collection. I found these beautiful tall dark cherry bookcases with five shelves. I buy three of them and have my car packed full of things for my new place.
I guess I know my plans for tonight, decorate and take out. I pull up to my apartment, but a familiar blue car is parked in front of my door. I sigh and make my way to my door, as I’m unlocking my door, I hear a car door open. I close my eyes to center myself before turning back to my car. When I open my trunk, I can feel his presence behind me because all the hairs on the back of my neck stand and I have this tingle in between my thighs that make my cheeks blush.
