Page 40 of The Reason


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“Are you feel better?”

I swallow and try to keep my brain and heart in check so I can have a normal conversation with this man. I turn and give him a halfhearted smile before I reply.

“Yeah, much better. Thank you for checking up on me.”

“Don’t lie to me Ally”

My eyebrows raise involuntarily, and I can feel my body heating with anger.He is the liar.I take a deep breath and pause before replying in hopes to not let my anger make me say something I’ll regret.

“I just had a lot to get done today. So, I needed to leave, I’m sorry for skipping out on class. It won’t happen again.”

I grab arms full of bags and make my way to my apartment door. I’m hoping he takes the hint to leave but instead I see him grab one of the bookcases and follows me up the flight of stairs to my apartment. I open my door and put all the bags on my island and then point to my living room floor to show Dex where to put the bookcase. I want to say thank you, but my anger lingers so I turn and head back to my car for the other bookcases. I grab one out of my trunk when Dexter appears and tries to help me. I turn away from him and adjust the box in my hands before making the flight of stairs to my place.

I hear my trunk door shut when I’m halfway up the stairs. I plop the bookcase on the floor next to the other one and start to unload my bags on the island when Dexter brings the other bookcase in for me.

“Did I do something wrong?”

I’m grateful that he broke the awkward silence, but I’d rather have had him just leave. I could have brought my things up myself and saved myself some conflicted feelings. Every time I see him, I want to run into his arms and hear those reassuring words that make me stop doubting myself. Except they don’t mean anything if he goes around saying the same things to everyone.

“Thank you for your help. I need to get going on those so…” before I can finish, he cuts me off and completely disregards me not answering his question.

“I can help you.” I sigh when he turns away from me and starts to open the boxes. I head to the door; I know I should open it and tell him he should go before anything we regret will happen. I feel my hair stand on my neck and I know those blue eyes are on me.

“Ally.” I slowly close the door and turn around to meet his gaze. He is sitting so innocently criss cross on my floor with the bookcase parts.

“Yeah? “

“Please, tell me what I did wrong.” I thought he would act different when he got older, but he is still so down to earth and it’s waging a damn war inside of me.

“Who was the girl with you today?” I see him lean forward and raise is eyebrows.

“Are you talking about Sarah?”

“I don’t know, Mrs. flirty arm grabber who apparently is a gifted writer and you loved her writing.” I see a smirk slowly form on his face and I want to walk over to him and slap it off his face.

“Am I sensing some jealousy Ms. Pierce?”

I should love the fact that he used my maiden name, but it only makes me want to retreat more when I realize that’s not my last name anymore. I held onto this man’s words, and they were what fueled me to keep my dreams in the back of my head all the time. Now those words may not have meant anything, and he could think that my work is fine just like Andrew. Not good or great, just fine. I see the expression on his face turn from amusement to regret in an instant when I lower my head and go back to taking my things out of the bags.

“Did you really say that to her?” I hear him stand up and walk the few steps to the other side of the island facing me.

“Ally, look at me.” I try to look up at him, but I know that my body is scrambled right now and if I look at his face the tears will start. I don’t even know why I feel like crying, anger, betrayal, sadness, honestly, I don’t have a clue. I see his feet in front of me now and his warm breath on the top of my head.

“Ally, please.”

I shake my head and then I feel both of his hands on my face. He tilts my head up so I can see his face and his eyes are full of regret. I see how much he regrets laughing and trying to play around with the conversation when it truly bothers me. I try to focus on something else in my brain, so I don’t think about it and start crying.

“I need you to listen to me when I say this okay? Nod if you are listening.” I give him the nod he is looking for, but I don’t know if what he is about to say will help the situation at all.

“To answer your question, yes! I did tell Sarah that her writing was good and that she was a gifted writer.”

I feel the pressure in the back of my eyes, but I blink a few times to try to suppress them. This may not be a big deal for most people, but the words from this man was my inspiration. So, when I hear that he has said the same to someone else, it makes me doubt the authenticity of his words. He can see that I’m fighting my emotions and he burrows his brows and lets out a big breath.

“I wish you knew how incredible you are Ally!”

“Don’t, you don’t have to say anything else.”

“Just because I told her that she was a gifted writer does not discredit what I said to you. You both are great writers and even though I said the same things to you, doesn’t mean I didn’t mean them.” I sigh and know that I won’t be able to fight the urge much longer to keep my emotions in check.

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