Page 45 of The Reason


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I grab his hand and he intertwines his fingers with mine when we both look down at our hands and then up to each other. He must feel how good it feels when our body connects just like me. He smiles and then leads the way to the pond next to the weeping willow. My heart fills a bit more with him and I don’t know how much more it can take before it starts to spill over with how much I want this man.

He breaks our hand holding to set down the basket and lay the blanket down in the grass and then places the basket on top. I take a seat next to him on the blanket and close my eyes, feeling the sun beat down on us. I can feel goosebumps form on my covered arms and that’s when I know his eyes are on me. I open my eyes to him looking at me with love drunk eyes, I swear in that moment that I can see our whole future coming true in just that one look. I want to relish in that moment, but I’ve seen my future in someone else’s eyes to and it makes me break our gaze.

“I may have packed a little too much, but I wanted to make sure I had things you liked and not just my favorites.”

“I appreciate that, lay it on me. Let’s see what we’re working with.”

He laughs and then starts pulling out containers of food and my eyes grow wide when he has boxes from Mama Gino’s. Then he opens it to show that he got me my chicken alfredo and the feeling that I’m where I’m supposed to be comes flooding back and kicks my regretful feeling in the trash. I may have seen a future with Andrew, but it wasn’t a happy one. When I picture my future with Dex, its filled with laughter, love, and a bunch of kids. I blink at the last part because I never really thought about how many kids I’ve wanted before; I just knew that I wanted to be a mother. Next to Dexter, I let my dreams run wild in my head.Does he even want kids someday?

“Yes.” I snap back to present when he says that, but I don’t know what he is saying yes to.

“What?”

“You asked if I wanted to have kids someday, the answer is yes.”Oh no, I really need to try harder to stay present with him around, so I don’t say something I regret.

“Oh, yeah I’m not too sure why I asked that.” I try to brush it off, so he doesn’t analyze it further.

“Do you?”this date just got into different territory. Who talks about having babies on their first date?

“Yeah, do you have any children?” I start panicking that he will say yes. I don’t know why, but the thought of him being with someone else and being able to experience parenthood hits me right in my stomach.

“This is a very…different first date conversation.” He’s right, we should be doing small talk. It’s just so hard to take it slow with him since I’ve known him for years.Except you haven’t known him for seven years.He must sense my panic because he answers my question.

“No, I do not have any children. You?” I swallow hard and try to block out the memory of me losing Mine and Andrew’s baby, so I don’t cry.

“Technically no.”Idiot why did you say it like that, now he is going to pry.

“Technically?” I let out a heavy breath and try to back pedal this conversation to safer territory since I was the one who got us on this path in the first place. I must take too long to reply because he comes and saves me from this awkward conversation.

“So, I hope I did good with my choices.” I give him an appreciative smile and he returns it with a look in his eyes that make my legs weak. Thank God I’m sitting, or else I’d probably fall.

“You got me chicken alfredo so that’s a win every time.” He laughs and we both spot a family of ducks in the pond. The mom is leading her two ducklings to ashore and it’s the cutest thing I’ve seen since being here. The city is busy around us, but the park is quiet and blocks out the commotion of the people and cars.

“I see why the park is your favorite place. It’s so quiet here.”

“My house has a little pond out back but it’s not nearly as big as this one. Plus, the forty-minute drive to quiet isn’t ideal.” I’m shocked when I find out he lives forty minutes away from here.

“You live forty minutes from here?”

“Yeah, Westminster is a suburb from here and I love the historic feel of it. It’s beautiful there, I think you would like it.” I unintentionally blush at the thought of living in a house with Dex.

“I never like the suburbs, neighbors getting into everyone’s business.” I laugh

“I feel the same way. My house is on a bunch on acreage, so I don’t have neighbors for a good few miles. That’s probably why it stays so quiet.” We both start eating our food and it’s so hard to contain my moan when that first bite hits my tongue.

“So, seven years is a long time. What have you been doing all this time?”

I try to think of the best way to go over everything I’ve done without having to go to in depth with any of it.

“The normal life stuff, college, work, marriage, dropped out of law school, divorce, and now here. So much in such a short amount of time.” I let out sigh because it didn’t want it to come off like that at all. I give Dex an apologetic look.

“Now I sound like a complete wreck. I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.” He reaches for my hand.

“I don’t think that makes you a wreck. You experienced life and are starting over. Everyone starts over eventually in life.”

“Thanks.” I brush off my dress and stand and reach my hand out to help him up. He reluctantly grabs my hand.

“Where are we going?” I smile back at him while pulling him under the willow tree.

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