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He gave her a cautious smile. “I didn’t come out here for anapology, honey. You’re right. We do all the things you said we do. I’m as guilty as anyone.”
“But I didn’t have to lose it like that.” It was so unlike her. Did her overreaction qualify as a mood change—yet another symptom of Huntington’s? All this speculation was driving her mad! She hit the steering wheel. “Arghhh!”
Her dad’s eyes flickered with panic. “Honey, what is going on? Talk to me.”
Thoughts raged in her head, twisting and curling like a tornado. She attempted to assemble them into some coherent order. “I’m just so tired of living with this disease hanging over my head, Dad. Of questioning every little mood change and symptom. And then there’s everything I’ve given up—and I’m mad about it! I want whattheyhave.” She flung a hand toward the backyard. “What you and Lisa have. I want a husband and a family, and this stupid disease has stolen all that from me.”
Her ragged breaths filled the interior. She probably shouldn’t be saying all this. It might make him feel bad about having her. But Avery’s mom had been adopted, and she hadn’t known her biological family carried the disease until she’d become symptomatic—and by then, of course, they’d already had Avery.
Silence settled around them once again. Movement to her right caught her eye, and when she looked, two pennies sat on the console between them.
She huffed. Oh, why not? What did she have to lose? She reached out and picked them up.
“You’re already living your life like you have the disease, honey. You’re letting it rob you of everything you want when you don’t even know if you have it.”
She snorted. “Well, I guess I’ll always have my career.”
“That’s not enough. Not for a warm, loving woman like you. You deserve a man who loves you like I loved your mom. Like I love Lisa.”
“I don’t want to take the test, Dad.”
“Why not?”
She gaped at him. “How can you ask that? You saw what Mom went through. I don’t want to live in dread of that happening to me.”
“Aren’t you already doing that? At the young age of thirty, you’ve already reached all your career goals—and I couldn’t be prouder. But there’s more to life than work. And ever since that young man left you’ve been unhappy.”
She hadn’t thought her dad had noticed. She’d been trying pretty hard to hide it. “He was just a friend.” The words felt stale and bitter on her tongue.
“Really?” He tilted his head, pinning her with an unwavering look. “I think you’re in love with him.”
She gave a wry laugh. “Fine. I am. And I also want kids, but I guess we can’t always have what we want. Even if Wes felt the same way I do—and I don’t think he does—I wouldn’t want to saddle him with this burden, Dad. I have a 50 percent chance of having that awful disease.”
He reached over and took her face in his hands. “Let me explain something to you, Daughter. When a man loves you like I loved your mom, he won’t want to be any other place than at your side—disease or no. He’llwantto be there with you through it. Honey, I never regretted marrying your mom—not for one minute. If you’re in love, then you know I’m right.” He gave her chin a soft pinch and let go.
His words sank in. She tried to flip things around—whatif Wes were the one with the disease? She didn’t have to think twice: She’d want to be there for him. She’d want to take care of him and be his emotional and physical support. She wouldn’t have it any other way.
“And Avery,” her dad’s voice softened. “While it’s true you have a 50 percent chance of inheriting the disease, it bears saying... you also have a 50 percent chance of having everything you want.”
A shiver passed through her. She’d never thought of it quite like that. And he was right. She’d been living as if she had the disease, and the only thing standing in the way of a better future was that test.
Of course, either way, her future wouldn’t include Wes—he was in love with someone else. But maybe someday she’d find someone she loved just as much—and he would love her back.
But that familiar dread compressed her chest because there was also the other 50 percent. The dreaded 50 percent. “I’m so afraid, Daddy,” she whispered.
He squeezed her hand. “But you’re also brave and strong. Honey, God will give you everything you need to get through whatever your future holds. I’m a living example of that sentiment. And I would’ve trusted Him that much more if I’d been able to see how He would turn my pain into joy.”
“In my head, I know you’re right...”
“When you know it in yourheart, you’ll know what to do.”
The fog lifted, bringing a moment of perfect clarity. She had a 50 percent chance of being free from all of that. It was worth pushing through the fear, taking the chance.
As the decision settled over her, her heart drummed out a staccato rhythm that made lungs work overtime. She was strong.She was brave. She could feel the fear and do it anyway. God would provide all she needed.
Her gaze connected with her father’s in the waning light. “Thanks, Dad. I know what I’m going to do now.”
Chapter39
