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Almost a week had passed since Lillian cooked gumbo. Wes had been over to her apartment three times in the past six days, and their relationship still hadn’t progressed. When opportunities to make an advance presented themselves, he faltered every time.
Tonight, for instance, they’d ordered pizza and were binge-watching a reality TV show about newly married couples. He kept thinking he should reach over and take her hand. He’d done it that day at the cemetery, hadn’t he? But that was different. That could’ve been construed as affectionate support. Holding hands while watching TV, however, was undeniably a romantic gesture.
He was just getting up the nerve to take her hand—at least that’s what he told himself—when the show ended and the credits began rolling. This was getting to be ridiculous. Why was it so hard to do something with Lillian that had been so natural with Avery? And why, when he was finally living up to his promise to Landon, did he feel so... unmoored?
“Want to watch another?” He was determined to get up the nerve before the first commercial break.
“To be honest, I’m exhausted, and I’m having breakfast with Honor in the morning.”
“You should get your rest then.” Kicking himself for another lost opportunity and feeling like an insecure middle schooler, he followed her to the door as had become their habit. “I’ll pick up a sample of that paint and put some on the nursery wall tomorrow night so you can see if you like it.”
“Silver Shimmer,” she reminded him.
He turned at the door. “I’ve got the swatch.”
Her gaze fastened on him, and her doe eyes softened at the corners. “Thank you so much, Wes. I love having you here.” She reached out for their standard good-bye hug.
But instead Wes diverted. Heart hammering against his ribs, he leaned in to kiss her. He felt the warmth of her breath on his mouth a moment before their lips met.
She pressed a hand to his chest and shot backward.
Relief swamped him at the close call. But that unfortunate emotion quickly drained away at the sight of Lillian’s wide eyes.
“What—what are you doing?”
He let out an awkward laugh. “If it wasn’t obvious, I must be out of practice.”
“Wes... I—” She cupped her throat. “Where did that come from? Did I say or do something to make you think...?”
He ran a hand over his face, finding his skin hot. No surprise there. His armpits prickled with heat, and sweat beaded on the back of his neck. “I thought...” He wasn’t even sure how to finish the sentence so he just let the last word hang, suspended in the air like a ruptured piñata.
“Wes . . . Come sit down.” She took his hand and led him back to the sofa.
They were finally holding hands. He huffed at the irony.
When they were side by side, she gave him a compassionate smile. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”
He thought back, his mind rewinding past all the conversations they’d shared over the last few months, past the letters they’d exchanged following Landon’s death. Time rewound all the way to that hot summer afternoon when an explosion had stolen his friend. To the moment he’d looked into Landon’s knowing eyes and made a promise he was honor bound to keep.
He swallowed past the lump in his throat. “I never told you the last thing Landon said to me.”
Lillian shrank back a little, her eyes clouding with wariness. “What—what was it?”
“He asked me to look after you—and I promised him I would.”
Understanding flickered in her eyes and she took his hand. “And you have. You’ve been there for me every step of the way. I couldn’t have gotten through this past year without you.”
“At first I just planned to come here and put down roots, be like family to you. It’s not like I had anywhere else to be. But somewhere along the way I started thinking... wouldn’t it make sense if... well, if we were more than that? You didn’t have a man in your life—at least, I didn’t think you did. And since I already loved you...”It was the least I could do.
“Oh, Wes. I love you too, I do. But... not like that. And I don’t think you love me that way either.”
He needed her to understand. “I promised him, Lillian. Andyou can’t tell me it doesn’t make sense. Especially now that . . .” He dropped his gaze to her stomach. “Well, I think I could be a good father for your baby. And I’d be a good husband. I’d treat you the way you deserve to be treated.” Not like that idiot who’d gotten her pregnant and ditched her.
“I have no doubt all of that’s true. But I can take care of myself—and my baby. Having you here has been wonderful, but I never intended to make you think... Why didn’t you say anything? All this time...?”
“I was trying to let things progress naturally.” He felt a little silly now, admitting where his thoughts had gone. Because if her reaction to his kiss hadn’t told him everything he needed to know, her words now did. He must be the world’s worst communicator. “I thought it was what Landon would’ve wanted. I owe him everything, Lillian. Surely you can understand that.”
Her lips curved in a soft smile. “He never would’ve wanted either one of us to settle this way. You love me like a sister, not like a wife. I deserve more than that—and so do you.” She squeezed his hand. “What Landon did... it’s not possible to pay that back. And he didn’t sacrifice his life so you’d have some kind of debt hanging over your head. It was agift. He did it so you couldlive.Period.”
