AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Neither did I.” Russell slowly rubbed Rafe’s wide back. Rafe was a strong man—he’d had to be in order to survive everything he’d been through and come out the other side. But deep down, he could hurt, just like everyone else. What surprised Russell was that Rafe showed that vulnerability to him. And Russell wanted to help, to heal what had been wounded, but that was beyond his ability. He could be here for Rafe, but it was up to Rafe to find a way to get past that crap from his family.
“Sometimes people suck.”
“Yeah, they do.” And yet sometimes, the most amazing person showed up right in front of you. He’d been gone a week and had missed Rafe like a limb. Maybe it was time for him to open up and just say what he felt inside, what he’d come to realize lying alone in that damned hotel room night after night while the fucking client played his stupid games.
Russell took a small step back, gently cupping Rafe’s cheeks in his hands. It was time for him to let go of his own crap. Jase had had a hold on him for too damned long. It was time for Russell to let him go and to allow himself to let someone else in. “I think….” He paused and lowered his gaze. Why in the fuck was this so damned hard?
“What?” Rafe asked, holding his gaze.
Russell moved his lips but couldn’t make the words come out.Damn.
Chapter 9
RAFE HELDhis breath, waiting for whatever Russell was going to say. He figured it was rare for Russell to be struck dumb. The man was usually very articulate and always had plenty to say. So this was something new. Rafe swallowed hard and blinked a few times, determined to wait for Russell to say whatever was on his mind.
“Sometimes things are….” Russell cleared his throat. “Why is it that the things a person feels are always the hardest to say?”
“I think that’s a question for the poets,” Rafe whispered.
“Or a cowboy.” Russell smiled slightly. “Sometimes I think about the men who came before us. A cowboy’s life was hard. They spent a lot of nights alone, out on the range sleeping under the stars, or in a wagon, maybe with little more than a bedroll and a tarp to keep out the rain. They had a lot of time to themselves, especially at night. So yeah, maybe cowboys were poets or musicians. It makes sense to me. But the thing is, I’m neither of those. Sometimes I wish I had the gift for words those men had.”
“I don’t know. I’ve never seen you as the strong, silent type,” Rafe told him with a smirk. “And you usually don’t beat around the bush.” He held Russell’s gaze. “Just say what it is you want.”
Russell took a deep breath. “I don’t want anything… other than to tell you that I love you.” He paused a second. “I missed you the entire time I was away, but it’s more than that. I feel like I can show you who I really am. I don’t have to be the businessman, the son of the ranch owner, or anything else. I only have to be me. You see that… you see me.”
“Of course I do,” Rafe said. “What else am I supposed to see?”
“And that’s why I love you. You don’t even understand why it might be an issue. You accept me for who I am, flaws and all.”
Rafe rolled his eyes. “Please. It was your flaws that I noticed first, after all.” He pulled Russell closer. “Remember? You were kind of an ass that first day. Though I have to admit, you looked damned good on that horse, like a cowboy out of a Western movie, with eyes blazing at perceived injustice.” He couldn’t help a smile.
“Hey. I thought….”
“I know what you thought, because I thought the same thing at first. And now I think I understand why Uncle Mack left me the ranch, and I’m grateful to him… and to you, for everything.”
Russell lowered his gaze. “I see,” he said softly.
Rafe stroked Russell’s cheek. “No, you don’t. Sometimes I wonder what love really is. My parents were supposed to love me, and you saw how fucking well that turned out.”
“Are you afraid I’m going to act the same way?” Russell asked.
That was the last thing that Rafe was worried about. “No. I’m afraid that I won’t know how to love you back. I haven’t had the best role models. You saw the kind of people I grew up with. Hell, I don’t even know if my mom and dad ever loved each other. Their church doesn’t condone divorce, so it’s possible that they’ve stayed together just because of that. Who knows? My father only wants control.” He shrugged. “Is that what love is?”
Rafe knew he probably sounded whiny and dumb, but his question was an honest one. The “love” he’d seen in his life had been toxic, controlling, and hurtful. That wasn’t what he wanted with Russell.
“All you need to do is be yourself. Be the man who sent cards and letters to his uncle for years, even though you never heard anything back. Be the guy who inherited a ranch but spends his time trying to learn who his uncle is. Those are the things that show your heart. That’s all you need to do.” He smiled. “I was lucky. My dad would have done anything for my mother. He nursed her when the cancer got bad, barely leaving the house for six months, making sure she ate and helping her bathe and use the bathroom. They were devoted to each other. I thought he’d fall to pieces after she died. To me, that’s love. It’s caring when the other needs it, listening, putting the other person before yourself.”
“You definitely do that,” Rafe said, blown away by Russell’s insight into Rafe’s behavior, even when Rafe hadn’t realized it himself. The truth was… he was afraid. “But what if I turn out like my parents?”
“You just sent them packing. You aren’t going to turn into them. You’re Rafe, plain and simple.” Russell smiled again, and Rafe pulled him close and kissed him.
“I do love you. I know it seems fast.”
“Me too, and I’m scared it’s too fast. But when you know it….” Russell swallowed hard. “I have a history of jumping in too quickly.”
He’d told Rafe that before. Rafe offered Russell a small smile. Weren’t they a pair? Russell had had a tough time with love, and Rafe barely understood what it meant. Maybe they were meant to figure this out together. Maybe that was the lesson they both needed to learn. Who knew? But there was one thing Rafe was sure of—his heart felt lighter, and the sense of darkness he’d felt thanks to his parents’ visit seemed to have dissipated like fog under the summer sun.
The thing was, Russell telling him that he loved him made Rafe happier than he could remember being in a very long time. Rafe guided Russell out of the kitchen and down the hall toward his bedroom, nearly tripping over one of the dogs on the way.
