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“I just wish he’d let me know,” Rafe said, blinking. “Maybe things could have been different for both of us.”
“Maybe.” Russell gently cupped Rafe’s cheeks in his hands. “But things work out the way they’re supposed to sometimes. Think about it. You lost track of your uncle, and your family treated you badly. There’s no denying that. But if things had been different, maybe you wouldn’t be here right now. Maybe all that bad stuff brought about something good. It brought you here… to me.” Russell gathered Rafe into his arms and held him as tightly as he could. “Then again, maybe we could have gotten to know each other sooner….”
“Yeah. But would you and I have connected earlier?” Rafe asked.
“Maybe. Then again, maybe not. I’ve been told I can be arrogant as hell.” He smirked, and Rafe rolled his eyes.
“You still can be, just so you know.” Russell loved that Rafe could joke at a time like this.
“I suppose what’s really important is that we enjoy what we have now,” Russell said. “Sometimes just thinking about those what-ifs can really mess with you.”
“Tell me about it,” Rafe groaned softly. “I spent years wondering if I should have just kept my mouth shut, dated a few friends, and never mentioned my sexuality. But I thought that if my folks really loved me, they should know who I was. But if I hadn’t said anything….”
Russell pulled him close again. “You wouldn’t be a world champion bull rider, and you certainly wouldn’t be here. You might still be in Denver, under your parents’ thumb. Hell, you might even be married, living a lie, with no way out. You don’t know what might have happened. None of us does.”
Russell swallowed hard. “Look,” he said, resting his head on Rafe’s shoulder, “when I was trying to figure out how I was going to get out of the mess I’d made with Jase… I thought of taking drastic measures. I really did. I couldn’t see a way out, and he was trying to take everything from me, including part of who I was.” He swallowed and clamped his eyes closed. “I never told anyone that, not even Dad.” He sniffed, not afraid to show his pain to Rafe. “I would never want you to feel like that.”
Rafe’s arms closed around him. “What am I going to do? Because I don’t want to feel this way. Yeah, I sent my mom and dad packing, but I shouldn’t have had to.”
“No, probably not. But there are things beyond our control. So the best we can do is understand that, and just let it go.” Russell chuckled. “I know that sounds really simplistic, but it’s all we can do.” He pulled back and guided Rafe’s lips to his for a quick kiss.
“And maybe find something or someone who makes us feel whole again?” Rafe said.
“There is that too.” Lord knows that Russell had held back because of what Jase had done to him. Now he felt like he could really love someone else again. Hell, he’d fallen for Rafe even before he was really ready to. It had just happened.
Rafe cleared his throat. “As much as I’d love to stand here with you… someone let me sleep in, and I need to get my chores done.”
“And I should get some work done myself. I have meetings all afternoon to get the ball rolling on this new contract.” Russell didn’t want to leave, but they both had things to do. “Why don’t you come over to the house this evening? Dad will be home, and Violet is cooking. You and Dad can talk business, and then we can have a little alone time.”
“I’d like that,” Rafe said quietly.
“Is something wrong?” Russell asked, hating that Rafe seemed down. “I know you’re disappointed that we didn’t find Dale yet, but we will. One way or another, we’ll figure out this little mystery.” He smiled, and Rafe nodded. Russell took his hands, loving the feel of Rafe’s skin against his. The simple touch sent a zing of pleasure through him that dissolved into warmth.
“I know. That’s the pretty amazing part. I never really understood the power ofwe. Up until now, it was always just me.” He flashed a smile.
“Look at you, getting all literary,” Russell teased.
Rafe shrugged. “What else am I going to do? It’s winter on a ranch. We do what we can and then hole up until spring brings everything back to life. And the nights are damned long when I don’t have you here to help light some of the darkness.” He smiled and actually blushed. “Dammit, I need to be reading something other than Mack’s copy ofPride and Prejudice, if it’s going to have me talking like that.” He released Russell’s hand and placed one on his chest, then fanned himself. “I must be careful or I’m going to give myself a fit of the vapors.”
Russell snorted and then put his hand over his mouth. “I think we need to get you some cowboy books.”
“Nah. Surprisingly, Uncle Mack had a thing for romance novels.” He leaned closer. “I found a really good book about two cowboys falling in love. I really liked it. And not one of them got the vapors.” He winked. “Okay, now I better get to work before the horses start to think they’ve been forgotten, and you need to get to your meetings.” Rafe kissed him hard, with plenty of promise for later. Russell figured he needed to leave… and soon… or else they were going to end up back in bed, and the horses would have to go even longer without fresh hay.
“I WASon the phone with Luther, and he said that he had something to talk to you and Rafe about. I asked him to dinner and figured he could talk to you afterwards.”
Russell looked up from where he’d been making notes on the meeting he’d just finished. “Sounds good, Dad. And could you please tell Violet to set six places for dinner? Tell her that Rafe was asking about Coreen. He’s going to need a good financial person in his corner too.” Violet’s niece was wonderful. “Besides, it’s probably the only way to get Violet to stop eating in the kitchen.”
His dad seemed skeptical. “I’ll give it a try.” He left, and Russell finished up his notes before sending some final emails. Then he closed his computer and sat back to clear his head. A few minutes later, he checked the time, then hurried out of the office and up to his room to get ready for dinner.
Once he was back in the great room, Russell pulled the cork on a fine bottle of wine and set it on the cart to breathe.
“What’s this?” his father asked as he strode in.
“Something different. Rafe and Luther will be here soon, and I figured the two of you could talk a little business if you wanted.”
His father sat as Russell poured him some wine. “What are you up to?” his dad asked.
“Nothing.” Okay, he was a little nervous and wanted things to go well. “I figured once we have the details with Rafe narrowed down, we could get it in writing and finish this up.”
