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She gave me a soft grin. “Okay, I can work with that. Why?”
“IfRhett has always wanted a life with me, then why not tell me at some point? Why give up so easily when I pushed him away? Why date Sarah instead of telling me I’m the one he wants?” My pulse started to race. When did he decide he’d made a mistake and I was the one he wanted? The year before, or two? Or the night he broke up with Sarah? Why did we keep going round and round like that? One minute he wanted me, and the next he was pushing me away.
What the hell is wrong with him?
“He makes my blood boil with the wholesilent-typething. I just want to sit him down, tell him to use his big boy words, and have him tell me what the hell he actually wants.” I let out a long breath and watched as Miranda struggled not to laugh at me.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you lose your cool. The fact that he causes such a reaction should tell you how you feel.”
“I’m not the problem!” I snapped. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”
“It’s okay, I get it. But let me ask you a very hard question. And be honest with yourself.” Her eyes narrowed slightly as she gave me a sympathetic but serious look.
I nodded. I didn’t trust myself to form words.
“Have you told him what you want or how you feel?”
Yeah, and have him reject me again? No, thank you.
“Well… no. Not since that summer. I might have been the one to push him away and give him an out, but he’s the one who took it. My feelings haven’t changed, but his apparently have.”
“I don’t think hisfeelingschanged. Rhett is a lot like his father.” She moved to the cabinets above the sink and retrieved two wine glasses before grabbing a bottle from the fridge. “Both of them are analytical thinkers. They consider and analyze all the options before making a decision.” She filled each glass with a generous amount of the buttery colored chardonnay. “Which is great for the business. Not always so great when making personal decisions.”
I took the glass she handed me. “You don’t typically drink unless it’s with dinner,” I observed.
“Figured we both needed something stronger than tea tonight.” She winked and then chuckled before continuing. “I remember shortly after Kyle was born, I sent George to the store for diapers. Do you know that man was gone for more than two hours?”
“Seriously?” I laughed, sipping the wine. “Two hours? What was he doing?”
She rolled her eyes. “When he got home, I asked him what took so long, and he told me he wasn’t sure what kind to get, so he talked to a store employee before he could decide.” She shook her head, smiling.
I chuckled again. It reminded me of when Brendan was born and it had appalled Rhett that I hadn’t done research before deciding on which formula to buy. The fact that a coupon was my deciding factor made his eyes bug out and his jaw drop to the floor.
“That reminds me of how Rhett acted about certain decisions I made after B was born.”
“Like the formula, right?” she asked, and I nodded. “Yup, I remember that. So much alike. And both of them don’t feel the need to use words. Instead, theyshowhow they feel with action, like when Rhett wanted to take care of your skinned knee when you were little, or how he stayed glued to your side through your mom’s passing, or through the first year of Brendan’s life when he was here helping whenever he wasn’t at work.” She raised her eyebrows questioningly at me.
That year was a blur. I guess I was just happy for the support, and I didn’t think about the why. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t see what Rhett was going through.
“I think that had more to do with his guilt about Caden than it did about me.”
“I disagree. George and I really saw him throughout that year. And I could be wrong. But you may have been too tired and busy figuring out how to be a mom or possibly still grieving to see it. Because from our perspective, his efforts were directed at you.” She held up a finger as my mouth opened to offer a rebuttal. “Hold up. I’m not saying he wasn’t smitten with Brendan, because those two share a bond that pulls at my heart every time I see them together. But bringing your favorite meal home from the restaurant, covering you with a blanket when you fell asleep on the sofa, or taking the baby so you could eat first is definitely not stuff a man would do for a woman unless he wants her to know he cares for her.”
Maybe she was right. I didn’t know anymore. “I guess. But what do I do now?”
“Do you love him?”
I rolled my eyes. “You of all people know the answer to that.”
She chuckled. “I think you might need to speak Rhett’s language andshowhim how you feel. Spell it out and make it clear what you want. I’ll be happy to watch Brendan overnight if that’s what it takes.” She wiggled her eyebrows, causing me to blush.
“You’re too much,” I said as I shook my head.
But she was right. Maybe I needed to get Rhett alone, but not for the reason she was suggesting. We needed to talk and hash out our past before we could move forward with our future.
My mind raced with thoughts and scenarios all night long. Did he want more? Would he tell me tonight was a mistake? To say I didn’t get a good night’s sleep was an understatement. In a few hours, I had to be face to face with Rhett, all these questions unanswered, and I was reminded yet again of why it wasn’t a good idea to work for your ex. It wasn’t like I could avoid my boss…
It had been two hours since my shift started and there was no sign of Rhett, which was not like him. He knew Sarah would not be there today. In addition, our shift manager had called out. Since I was the head server, I got to run this particular shit show.
