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I broke away from Sarah once again.
“Of course she does,” I mumbled. “Did you and Ashley find room for the desserts?”
Off to my right, Sarah placed one hand on her hip. So much for my effort to calm her down. I hoped her mood swings were because of the pregnancy hormones.
“Yup. Anything else you need my help with?” Bella’s voice was suddenly honey-sweet, but with an undertone I couldn’t quite place.
“No, that’s all. Thank you, though.” I directed my attention back to Sarah. “I need to speak with Tyler. You okay?”
“Yeah. I’m fine.” Her answer was short and clipped. And her whole demeanor screamedthis conversation isn’t over. But then she smirked at Bella, placed her hand on my shoulder, and leaned up to kiss my cheek before walking away.
The two of them headed back to their sections in the restaurant, and I made my way around the bar to speak with Tyler, my bar manager.
Somehow, a whole case of whiskey was missing. It took over an hour for Tyler and me to find it. Then, adding even more fun to my day, it turned out that the new guy at the dock couldn’t tie off a boat, resulting in me showing him how.
Hours later, as I headed to my car, finally done for the day, the only thought I could coherently think was how I was exhausted. Even though I just wanted to crash in my car, the hurried footsteps behind me caused me to turn.
Please don’t make me have to go back inside.
Bella’s anxious expression flipped my stomach. If she was leaving early, something was wrong.
“Hey, didn’t you have another thirty minutes on your shift?” I asked, glancing at my watch, worry creeping up my spine.
“Your mom called. B is running a high fever. She gave him medicine, but I just want to get home—Jessica said she could cover me.” The words tumbled out of Bella’s mouth in a rush as she opened the door to her car and climbed in.
I watched her drive off—was she going to need help getting Brendan settled tonight? That first year after Brendan was born, I was one of few who could calm him when he was extremely fussy. But then it was no longer my place; it never really had been.
I pulled up to my parents’ house later that night. Dad had the papers I emailed him earlier signed and ready. I wanted to get the ball rolling on the insurance claim and repairs from the flooding today, so I had no choice but to swing by.
As soon as I got out of the truck, I could hear Brendan’s soft cries coming from around back. I followed the gravel path around the side of the house and found Bella walking along the shore, holding Brendan’s hand. He whined and let himself fall to the ground. Bella bent over and scooped him up into her arms, letting him nestle against her shoulder. She turned toward the far left of our property, where there was a small sitting area. It was one of my favorite spots—a fire pit surrounded by chairs on one side, a canopy swing and patio furniture on the other.
My feet moved toward them before I was fully aware of where I was going or what I was doing. She sat on the swing with her back to me as I approached.
“How is he?” I ran my hand through my hair and then down over the scruff on my jaw; both were longer than I usually kept them.
Brendan popped up at the sound of my voice and squirmed to get down. I met him halfway and lifted him into my arms. He immediately resumed his position, but on my shoulder instead, with his thumb in his mouth.
“He’s fine. Just miserable and cranky.” She scooted over, giving me room to sit next to her.
I considered one of the patio chairs before taking the spot next to Bella on the swing. “And how are you holding up?” Losing her mom from something so common like the flu and pneumonia made her rightfully worried whenever Brendan so much as sniffled.
“I don’t know.” She tilted her head up, leaning back, resting it against the seat. “I know it’s irrational. But after my mom—and then with Caden…” she trailed off. “Sometimes I feel like I failed them both.”
I could hear the emotion in her voice. If she only knew how much I blamed myself for the way things unfolded after she found out she was pregnant. And for not telling her how I felt soon enough. I had so many chances over the years, and then again that day on the boat. But expressing how I felt had never been something I was good at.
“I’m sorry. I know you don’t like to talk about him.” Hesitantly, she added, “Especially since it’s a reminder of… well… everything.”
My eyes traveled down to the child asleep on my chest, and I could feel the regret rising to the surface. I wasn’t sure if I should even tell her. Would she blame me like I did myself? But maybe if we were completely open with each other now, we could both truly move forward.
“It’s not that.” I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see her expression when I admitted my guilt. “It’s just that I hate being reminded that it was my fault he showed up at your apartment drunk and pissed off.”
She was pregnant with his child, and I’d interfered. But I was the dumbass who let her walk away weeks before because I couldn’t find the words, yet again, to explain how I felt and what I wanted. My own jealousy and resulting actions continued to haunt me. I opened my eyes and turned to look at her. She stared at me with sympathy, but not surprise.
“You knew?” I asked.
She sent me a soft smile and then turned to look out over the darkened waters of the lake.
“I assumed. I didn’t tell anyone that you kissed me right before I broke up with him, so I figured you told him.”
