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“Yes,” he chuckles awkwardly, running a hand through his hair.
“Huh…” I nod.
“What?” He lifts his eyebrows.
“Nothing. I thought you’d put up a bigger fight.”
“It’s not in my best interest.” One side of his mouth lifts. “After all, I need to see how to change those non-feelings into the real thing.” He winks, and my mouth drops. I freeze in place.
“Don’t get any ideas.” My heart pounds as I try to play it cool and catch up to him.
“I’ve got quite a few ideas,” he leans down and whispers. His breath tickles the side of my neck, causing me to shiver.
Confusion slams into me. Why is he saying those things? Hudson clears his throat and straightens, adjusting the sleeves on his coat.
“I’m gonna go.” I give him a tight smile as I walk away from him.
When I reach the storefront, I slip into the coffee shop with a million thoughts racing through my head.
His actions and words don’t make sense with our history. Why did I like it? I shouldn’t. Hudson broke my heart. Our split was cold turkey. We went from speaking every day to having a huge fight and never seeing or talking to each other again after being together for years. It just ended as if it was all a dream.
I blink away the tears filling my eyes and step forward, ordering the cinnamon twist latte.
I spent weeks crying over him, questioning everything, but my pride didn’t let me write or call him. Maybe I wanted him to be the one to take the first step in hopes that he wouldn’t choose New York over me. I knew it was a losing game. His family business was always his end goal, despite complaining about it.
I wish things would’ve turned out differently. If he worked locally, maybe they would have, but I suspect his parents wanted him away from me. It wasn’t the first time they had tried to break us apart. Eventually, we weren’t a strong enough front to fight against their manipulations. To this day, I can’t face Mr. and Mrs. Remington. There aren’t many people I despise, but those two are top on my list.
I shake away the memories and sit on an armchair, letting the soft and worn cushion hug me in a comforting embrace.
The same way he disappeared from my life, Hudson slammed right back in—unannounced and striking. I look up when the coffee shop door opens and notice him step inside. I frown. If he wants to continue that conversation from earlier, I’m not up for it. I thought I had overcome our relationship, or the end of it actually, but it seems I only suppressed it so I could survive.
He stands tall and confident while he waits for his turn to order at the counter. I’m not sure if he knows I’m here, but it gives me a moment to watch him. His hands are in his pockets, a trait he’s always had. His hair is messy, and his square jaw is tight and peppered with facial hair. My heart remembers what it was like to be loved by Hudson, and it’s betraying my brain’s plan to not think about him.
He was always caring and considerate. He knew how to turn my mood around and when to give me space if I was upset. He respected my dance schedule and never used it against me when I had a recital to practice for. Instead, he’d show up with flowers and a proud smile.
I thought we were unbreakable. It still breaks my heart to think that we no longer have a tie to each other or have the confidence and freedom to…just be there.
My chest aches, and my throat clogs with emotions. I bite my lower lip to prevent people from seeing it tremble as tears cloud my vision. I close my eyes, trapping the tears, and take a deep breath hoping the suffocating sensation eases. When I finally feel okay, Hudson is nowhere to be found. He must’ve left. Poof. In the blink of an eye. Just like four years ago.
I subtly wipe under my eyes and take a drink of the warm, cozy latte. My head presses against the back of the chair while I will my emotions to get under control. My heart and mind are confused. Working alongside Hudson on this bach party crosses my wires. I’m used to being normal around him, carefree, but then I remember we’re not together anymore, and it’s like a whole new wave of pain. While he’s away, out of sight, it’s easier to cope. I’ve done well in the four years since we broke up.
But having him in town, running into him, and receiving messages from him, feels like I never got the closure my heart desired and needed in order to move on. The scariest part is that I’m not sure if I want that closure.
All the good memories flood at once, overshadowing the painful ones. At twenty-five, I still have time to get over my ex and meet a great guy, but Hudson was always my ideal guy. How do I move on from that without feeling like I’m just replacing him?
Maybe I need to buy ingredients to bake cookies and spend my evening drowning all these questions and uncertainties in flour, sugar, and chocolate. And my Girl Power playlist.
8
Hudson
“Good work, son,” my dad nods, lifting his glass of whiskey.
We closed out the Los Angeles deal with the owners’ asking price and a good chunk of commission for us. The buyer basically ripped it from our hands.
“Thanks.” I take a drink of the strong amber liquid.
“When will you be heading back to New York? I assume after Thanksgiving seeing as it’s already next week.” He eyes me over the rim of his glass.
