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“It’s a new reaction.”
“Does it only appear when your ex-boyfriend is holding you and not man enough to speak up?”
She ignores me, turning around and sweeping the floor. I pull the broom from her grip.
“Hey,” she argues.
“Talk to me, and I’ll return it.”
“Hudson, I’m tired and hungry. Give me the broom so I can clean up and go home.” She holds her hand out, but I shake my head.
“Tell me what’s wrong. I’m sorry, I got caught up in the moment.”
“That’s just it. We shouldn’t be getting caught up in any moment. We’re not together anymore. We broke up four years ago, and now you’re in town after not visiting for how long? You think you can waltz right in and act as if you didn’t hurt me, as if you didn’t break me.” Her head slings back with her words as tears fill her eyes.
“I don’t think that,” I run a hand through my hair. “Of course not. Don’t you think I was also hurt?” I lift a hand in exasperation.
“It broke me, too.” My finger roughly presses into my chest, but Lex scoffs.
“It did. I couldn’t sleep or eat. I could barely work. I wanted to call so many times, show up here, but I didn’t have the guts to. At first, I was angry that you wouldn’t accept my plan. We could’ve had it all. Then, I realized my mistake, but it was too late. Too much time had passed for me to come crawling back and begging for forgiveness.” I take a deep breath, needing her to hear this.
“I loved you with every fiber of my being. You know that. Do you think I could let that go so easily?”
Lex stares at me motionless other than the heaving of her chest.
“You were everything I wanted,” I continue when she remains silent. “But when I realized you deserved better, I stayed away. No one should endure the crap treatment my parents put you through, nor a guy who was too blind to realize that you were telling me exactly what you wanted and needed but refused to listen.”
I pace back and forth, dropping the broom to the floor with a loud clank. This is what we didn’t get to do, hash things out. If I’m being honest, this confrontation is long overdue.
“Tell me what you want. I’ll give it to you.” I stare at her, standing a foot apart.
Lex shakes her head. “I don’t know. I need space.”
Her words stab me, and I nod. Before I walk away, I look at her and say, “Just believe that it wasn’t easy for me either. I loved you.”
9
Lex
Between preparing for the recital for the Thanksgiving festival and planning Thanksgiving dinner with my parents, I haven’t had time to think about my last encounter with Hudson. It was intense. The days that followed it were draining, but I soon had to get into recital mode, which has always helped me escape the real world. I’ve become a pro at avoiding reality and embracing anything that gives me the opportunity to do so.
The things Hudson said were all words I wished he would’ve spoken years ago. They don’t change what happened, and they don’t replace the fear I felt when I thought about what it’d be like to lose him a second time.
The situation with his parents hasn’t changed, and I am worth more than put-downs and subtle jabs about who I am, what I do, and where I come from. It was never flat-out said, but I know that part of the Remingtons’ problem with me is that my parents are Hispanic on top of being a part of the working class. The Remingtons have a certain idea about who they associate with, and my family and I don’t meet those standards. Even they aren’t ignorant enough to voice that publicly, though.
Besides, my background doesn’t define or limit me. I believe there’s more to people than where they come from, and I always treated them with respect despite knowing their feelings toward me. I refuse to fall to their level, but a girl can only take so much. Would marrying into that family be what was best for me?
Hudson may have told them to drop it and stood up for me, but he was in the middle between continuing the family business and his girlfriend. Sometimes I wonder if our breakup was a blessing in disguise. Things would only have gotten harder as he started working at the agency.
It doesn’t take away the pain, though, or the fact that I loved him regardless. Or that hearing him say I was all he wanted with his broken-up words didn’t affect me. Of course, it did. I believed in us. I wanted the same things he did. Life had other plans.
“Are you ready?” I turn around and see my mom smiling at me.
“Almost.” I swipe my lips with the red color and smile at her through the mirror. Deep breaths, Lex. You’ve got this. Ignore Hudson. Focus on the girls’ performance.
After my pep talk, I ask, “Do I look okay?”
“You look beautiful.” She hugs me when I stand. “It’s going to be amazing.”
