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“Yes.” She breathes out her response as if she’s been trapping it for too long and needs to finally exhale.
“I think about you all the time.” My fingers caress her back where I’m holding her. Lex shivers and leans into my touch, making me smile.
“I’ve never stopped thinking about you, actually. It’s not once in a while that I remember you exist. It’s every day. It’s when I accomplish something and want to share it with you or when I get home after a long day and need to talk to someone.” I shake my head. I miss her. It’s been four years since I’ve been able to hold her, but no matter the amount of time, she’ll always be the one who got away.
“My friends in New York make fun of me, always asking if I’ve talked to you or if I’m too much of a chicken to do so. I am.”
Lex smiles sadly, a tear slipping down her cheek. Keeping our hands joined, I reach and swipe away the tear. Then, I kiss her cheek. She draws a sharp intake of breath, eyes wide.
“I wish we could talk like normal people, that you wouldn’t hesitate around me. I get it, though. I hurt you. I broke us.”
“You did.” Her words hold no blame or resentment, just stating a fact. “It killed me. I always thought we were stronger than your parents’ judgments and disapproval, but at the end of the day, they won.” She shrugs, defeat sagging her shoulders.
“It was more complicated than that. I never stopped loving you, but we were stuck on two different paths.”
“And we still are.”
My gaze burns into her as I shake my head.
“We are, Hudson. You live in New York and work for your father. My dance studio is here. I’m not giving that up. I’m sorry. I loved you, too, but you knew my dream. Working for your father wasn’t yours when we were together. I just thought…” She throws one of her hands in the air, exasperation pulsing from her.
“I know.” I keep my grip on her tight, needing her warmth. “I didn’t have the courage to step away back then. I did what was expected of me and what I’m good at.”
“Is it enough? Does it fulfill you? Or are you just good at it? Because I’m good at checking people out at the grocery store, but it doesn’t fulfill me. What about the dreams you had? What happened to those?” Passion and determination fuel her words and light a fire in her eyes.
Shaking my head, I look away. She’s right. I pushed aside my dreams to not deal with my father. It was easier to give in than live constantly fighting. Tristan left after his graduation. That was always his plan, but I wanted to stay in Hartville with Lex. I’d have to see my parents, and the drama wasn’t worth it, in my opinion, back then. It ended up being worse than I could’ve imagined.
“Hudson, you deserved to follow your dreams. When you started making plans, disregarding my ideas and dreams… I don’t know. You took control and focused on what worked for you, and that hurt. The guy I knew wouldn’t have taken such little consideration for my future plans. Not to mention, we had our future plans we had made.”
“You’re right.” I have nothing else to say. Everything she’s expressing is exactly how things were back then, and I ruined it.
“I’m sorry. All I can say is I regret it and repeat it until you believe it.” The snow has stopped falling, yet I’m still holding her as if we were dancing.
“I believe that it was hard for you, but that doesn’t mean things are easier now. If anything, I’d say they’re more complicated.”
Unless I quit my job, I know she’s right. And doing so will have great repercussions that I’m not sure I’m ready to face. As easy of a solution as it sounds, it’s an intricate web that could lead to more challenges.
“How about for right now you dance with me?” I smile at her.
When she nods, I hum her favorite song and begin to move around the yard. Everything feels right in this moment. It’s as if I’m back in time, Lex is mine, and I have no worries. How much longer can I live without her? No one has filled that void, not that I’ve tried very hard to meet someone.
I’ve focused on my career and becoming someone clients trust, proving myself despite my age. At twenty-five, some clients prefer my father since he has more years of experience. Others will have no choice but to give me a chance, and I’ve strived to prove to them my worth and knowledge, getting my name around in the real estate market. If I had to lose the love of my life, then I was going to be the best at my job. I thought that would make it worth it. It hasn’t, though, and having Lex here in this moment has proven that.
“You’re heading back to the big city on Tuesday, huh?” Toby lifts a brow.
“Yeah, duty calls.” I shrug. “But no worries, your bachelor party will still be top-notch. I won’t slack on planning just because I’m away.” I lift my beer and take a drink. When he called and asked if I wanted to grab a bite to eat while Hope had her girls’ night, I quickly agreed.
I was tired of being in my room and replaying last night with Lex.
“I’m not worried about that. Lex won’t let you slack,” he laughs. “But I guess I thought you’d stay longer.”
“You know I can’t.” I shake my head.
“Well…you can.”
“If I quit my job, divorce my family, and move in with you,” I joke about the last part.
“You’ll get a pretty penny for that apartment in New York. You can afford a house here,” he chuckles.
