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Lex: Honestly?
Hudson: Of course
Lex: Seeing you is confusing. Hearing you say you think about me…I don’t know
Hudson: It’s the truth
Hudson: I miss you. Maybe this message is four years too late
Lex: Yeah, it kinda is
Hudson: But you miss me too? *wink emoji*
Lex: Lol…I miss what we had
I take a deep breath. I didn’t expect this conversation to take the turn it did. Do I miss Hudson? I do. More than my pride cares to admit. It could be time that I set my pride aside.
Lex: Yes, I miss you. You were someone important in my life. It’s difficult to move on from that
Hudson: It is.
Lex: That doesn’t change our reality though
Hudson: Maybe our realities change
Lex: Vague much?
Hudson: I’ve got you talking to me, acknowledging me as more than a nuisance. We’ve made great progress since you threw daggers at me at the engagement party. I’m not going to give that up now
Lex: Why now?
Hudson: I don’t know
I can understand that. Why couldn’t we have this conversation four years ago? Maybe we weren’t at that place yet. We weren’t mature enough. So many uncertainties tie me to Hudson. All I know is that as much as I may hate to admit it, seeing him again has sparked something inside of me. I was happy with my life, but I remember what having him in it felt like. It’s this immense joy and peace, and I long for that feeling.
Hudson: I’ll be in Hartville for Christmas. Maybe we can have dinner when I’m there?
Lex: Maybe
Hudson: Phew. At least it’s not a big fat no
Lex: Lol
Hudson: I need to go. I’ll talk to you later
Lex: Bye
I remain on the couch and close my eyes. I’m not sure I signed up for a blast from the past. However, my heart is jumping at the possibility. It’s also a traitor, but it’s time I let go of past resentment and hurt.
After seeing the honesty in Hudson’s eyes, I can’t deny we both felt pain from losing one another. His family is still an issue, though. He works for them, and they don’t approve of me. Can our relationship truly strive and evolve if that ugly ghost is always haunting us?
Knowing he didn’t have Thanksgiving with his parents is also an indication of their current relationship. I wouldn’t blame him nor be surprised if he faults them for the end of our relationship, but he still chose to stay working in the company.
I take a deep breath. Career choices are influenced by a lot of things. Hudson always felt responsible, like he had a loyalty to keep, especially since his younger brother always made a point to remind his family he wouldn’t stay.
My thoughts are a mess. My heart’s a bigger mess. It's like a giant junk drawer. Behind my eyelids, I can fantasize about a relationship with Hudson now. It’d be amazing, but when I return to reality, he’ll leave home, and I’d stay here. Long-distance relationships are difficult, and with his parents living in Hartville, I can only imagine how much more difficult they’d make my life. I’ve already had to deal with them more than I’d like.
I stand, stretch my muscles, and walk to the window in my living room. A smile replaces my pursed lips as I see it’s once again snowing. I love this time of year.
