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“Hello?” I breathe out.
“What are you doing?” Hope’s question is full of confusion. “Are you running?”
“No. I went to reach for the phone and rolled off the couch like a fool.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Thankfully no one witnessed it, so my ego is intact.” I stand, hold my side with my other hand, and get back on the couch.
“How are you?”
“Eh…I think I’m gonna grab some cookie dough and watch Christmas movies.”
“Oh, Lex. Want some company?”
“I’m okay. I’d rather be alone, to be honest.” I am still processing. Half of me knows this is temporary. The other half doubts our situation will ever change.
“Call me if you need anything, even if it’s just someone to sit silently beside you.”
“Thanks, but don’t worry.” I curl my legs under me and lean into the armrest.
“I’m gonna worry, but I’ll respect your need for space.”
“Thanks.”
After hanging up, I slide down on the sofa until I’m lying in the fetal position and clutch one of the cushions to my chest. This feels like an ending, and I do not approve of that emotion. Closing my eyes, I trap the tears and take slow deep breaths.
I slow my racing mind and go to the kitchen to grab cookie dough. Nothing beats eating raw cookie dough. I don’t care how many people tell me it’ll give me a stomach ache. It’s worth it. Then, I turn on my television and search for a Christmas movie that will make me feel equal parts happy and sad. I could use a good cry.
The day passes between movies and junk food (thank you, pizza delivery guy). By the time my phone rings again, I am stuffed to the brim and feeling about as bad as I’m sure I look.
I stare at it for a few minutes, my reactions slow like molasses. My eyes snap open when I realize it’s a video call. From Hudson. When I look like… Well, I haven’t checked myself out in the mirror, but I’m sure it’s not a pretty look.
I cringe and answer the call, my desire to speak to him greater than my pride.
“Hey…” His greeting trails off as his smile fades and his eyebrows pull down over his eyes.
“What’s wrong?” His expression turns into one of concern.
“Nothing. Why?” I play it cool, but I’m not fooling him.
“You don’t look like nothing’s wrong. Talk to me? I know this is hard, but we’ll make it through this patch.”
“I know. I’m just emotional.” I sigh, leaning back against the sofa and attempting a smile. I grimace when I see myself in my camera. My hair’s a mess. My eyes are red and my face is blotchy. No wonder he reacted the way he did.
“You made it home safely?” I change the subject.
“Yeah. We hit traffic, making the ride longer, but I’m not sure why I was surprised. Everyone’s returning home from vacation today.” A wide yawn takes over.
“True.”
“What have you done today? Besides missing me, of course.” His confidence travels through the screen.
“Watch movies, eat junk food…” I shrug. And definitely miss him, but I don’t need to voice that. He can read it on my face.
“I miss you, too.”
I nod silently, sensing another wave of tears threatening to crash on me.
