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Don’t Let Me Go
STACY MCWILLIAMS
Prologue
The sun hits my skin as I sit in the slight breeze on a rock on the beach, feeling the grains of sand as the wind whips them around me. I suck in a breath, trying to calm the racing of my heart as I sit, chilled but hurt on the rough surface of the rock beneath me.
I glance down at my watch. It’s been four hours since I left our house. Three hours since I arrived at the beach and sat down watching the sunrise higher and higher overhead.
I’m in sweats and a loose shirt, having not expected to even leave the house today.
It’s a little after four pm and I know I should be going home but the thought of going back to face Hudson and his refusal to come out grates on my nerves and rubs against my wounds like salt on a cut, painful and with a sting as sharp as a jellyfish.
The salty sea breeze hits my throat and reminds me of the holiday Hudson and I had over new years to Jamaica. Memories of long days, longer nights and loving him wash over me and for a moment I almost forget my hurt and anger but then the reminder of how he couldn’t even talk to me after we came home and he was recording because his management company wouldn’t allow us to even be seen together, lest they fuel rumors about his sexuality.
It hurt and when we agreed to move in together it was so we could come out together. My contract with my old management company was coming to an end and I was in the process of changing to another company where I would be allowed to come out if I wished. I could hardly wait and the new pr person was an old friend of mine from college who I’d worked with on and off in my career. Greg was one of my best friends and I knew I could trust him.
I’d tried to call him earlier but he was on a date with Genna and wouldn’t be back till later so I came to the beach to hide out and think.
Was I willing to let this come between Hudson and I? Was this too much to handle? I love him. I love his scent and his taste, his touch and his warmth and his laugh and his green eyes and his body and how much he loved me, but was it enough?
“It’s only a few more months to a year. Just until the album comes out. We can manage that can’t we, darlin’?”
A year ago I’d have said yes no problem, but now with the way things had been worsening over the last year I wasn’t sure. Maggie made sure to keep us as far apart as possible in public and the rest of his management team were as homophobic as some of the churches you see on TV.
I love him, though. My head was swinging back and forth between loving him and hating the closeting, and the fact was I wasn’t sure I could walk away and leave him behind. He’s the love of my life and I adore him.
I sit back, lifting my face to the sun and think about how to tell him that I can’t do another year. He has six months and that’s it. I’m not saying he has to come out and I won’t either, but I want him to chose me, to make me a priority and if he can’t then we’re done.
No. I can’t give him an ultimatum either. I don’t want him to come out for me. He’s so unhappy with all the PR relationships and then it hits me. I’ll ask him to give them up and ease his transition into coming out. Then we can be seen together and come out together when he’s ready.
If he’s not ready now then I’m not going to push him into it. I’m going to wait for him, because I love him, because he is my life and I know I’ll wait for him, but I’m not waiting forever. I have my pride too and if he can’t agree on that then it’s done.
I walk to my car whistling as I go and climb in behind the wheel, taking off for home with renewed purpose, unknowing that my life is going to change as soon as I get there.
Chapter One
LANDON
Warm kisses on my back rouse my body from sleepiness to almost wakefulness. Tongue pressing on my sleep soaked skin and little licks before sucks cause desire to unfurl in my gut and have me rut against the bed as I move around, following the hot lips as my brain tries to wake it’s self up.
The friction of the bed on my erection sends a shot of adrenaline through me as arousal courses through my body and I start to come around more, feeling the ghost of the lips I’m missing touch the skin on my neck. Another press of my rock solid cock on the bed causes my head to wake more as I hear his voice in my mind.
“Wake up, Darlin’. Don’t wanna be late today.”
No! My head screams at me. Not today, Hudson from my memories laughs and the sound, of tickling bells in his peels of laughter is replaced by the sound of my alarm as my body jolts from that state of sleepy arousal to wakefulness.
Not today. Not today, fuck. Hudson. No. My arousal flames out like a fire soaked by torrential rain, there one moment and totally gone the next as more memories of Hudson and finding him in our brand new bed getting railed from behind by his friend. The flash of those memories as my alarm goes off once more causes Greg, my best friend, my right hand and my manager/ PA to shout through the walls at me.
“Landon, for fuck sake, turn that damn alarm off before I cut your nutsack off and make you eat it…”
He’s always been a colorful fellow, but I wouldn’t have gotten through the last year without him, without his love, his support and his help. He’s my rock and I love him and hate him in equal measure which is why I take my time finding my cell where it’s buried in my bed allowing the noise to drown out the throbbing of my ignored cock and the weight of the memories that are pressing on my mind from my dream.
I’m not going there, not today. I won’t think about him or his lips or how I can still feel the ghost of his lips against my skin. I miss him so fucking much, but even I have my limits and finding the love of your life in your bed with his friend is a step too far even for me, especially when it was on the back of the stupidest argument ever. Coming out, ha, what a joke?
I push my tired legs off the bed and stretch my limbs, popping my spine as I stand and reaching down to touch my toes. It’s four twenty in the morning and I need to get a workout out in before going to set today, so I drag my exhausted ass over to the dresser and tug on a pair of running shorts, a lose tee and some mismatched socks on as I try to ignore the weight of desire in me. I won’t give into it. I won’t when it’s because of him, not anymore.
I shove my feet into my sneakers and put my ear pods in as I press shuffle on my rock running playlist before taking off for the kitchen. Greg’s making coffee and I give him a short nod as I grab a water bottle from the refrigerator behind him.
