AllFreeNovel
Share Us
As I quickly dry off, pulling on some sweats and a t-shirt I catch sight of the date on my cell and it finally makes sense. April eighth. It would have been our forth anniversary today. No wonder I can’t get him out of my fucking head. Subconsciously I must have known it was today.
“Landon, we gotta leave. We should have been there ten minutes ago. Move your ass.”
I grab my favorite snapback, quickly brush my teeth and shove my feet into my sneakers before running out to the elevator where Greg hans me a coffee and a bagel. The ride down to the ground floor is silent and he leads me to the car, shoving me inside quickly before messaging Katie.
“Katie’s waiting on you. Cam’s gonna bust your nuts if you make a habit of this. He doesn’t tolerate bullshit, so get your shit together today.”
I nod as I take a sip from my coffee, feeling it warming me from my head to my toes and I relax against the seat, drinking my nectar and watching the city of LA go rolling by. Don, my driver/ bodyguard drove us towards set while Greg talked at me about the movie and how important was. I nodded my head, pretending to listen as I picked at my bagel, having no appetite at all.
Greg knows why. He always knew and he squeezed my knee gently and gave me a consoling smile but there was nothing he could say to make it better, no words to take the pain away because he’d tried and so had my mom, my dad and my other friends. I was trying to move on, trying to get over the pain, the betrayal but I still loved him, still wished he’d at least called me after I ran out, but he never did.
I don’t think he even knew that I’d tried to reach out. He wasn’t at home that day and I knew that I needed closure, but then when I went and he wasn’t there I couldn’t try again. I left a note for him, asking him to call me, but he never did. He never fucking did and I think I hated him a little more every day for that.
Not once did he try to reach out to me, to explain why he did that to me or beg me to give him a chance again. He just left town and Greg and Don went over to collect my stuff from Vance. He tried to talk to me that day, but I was like a shell. I was there in body but my spirit was somewhere else and I shook him off.
We didn’t talk after that. Greta, my publicist made sure that we were never booked on the same shows at the same time and everyone in my team from Greg to my stylist Katie knew that I didn’t talk about it, ever. It was over. Done.
Greg was the only one who ever tried to broach the subject and I shut him down every single time. Now here I was one year later still struggling to let him go and still struggling to understand how he could have done that to us. I knew we loved each other. Fuck we’d talked about kids, marriage, the whole nine yards.
My eyes stung with unshed tears and I quickly sipped my coffee, swallowing down the lump that was threatening to choke me as we drove along the freeway. Greg must have sensed that something was off because he handed me my script and gave me another soft pat before going back to his cell.
I ignored him and focused on going over my directions for the day. I had no idea that within minutes I’d come face to face with the man who’d shattered me beyond repair, nor did I have any idea that my best friend had kept it from me because he knew that the part was too good an opportunity for me to miss out on.
Cameron Blair was directing and he was the hottest director in Hollywood right now so Greg knew that I’d walk away if I knew that Hudson had been cast to be the criminal I was going after in the plot. The criminal who was only a criminal because he’d been set up by someone else and the criminal that in the movie I was destined to fall in love with.
It was the first time a big time director had taken a chance on two male leads who were playing gay characters and it was, we hoped, going to make as big a splash as Brokeback Mountain. I closed my eyes as the car pulled into the lot and sucked a deep breath in as Greg opened the door, stopping outside and talking to someone whose voice was vaguely familiar.
I shook it off, got out of the car and followed Greg to wardrobe, stepping inside as someone was walking out. My heart stopped when I caught a whiff of Tom Ford aftershave, but the person had disappeared, and I knew logically that it was a popular brand of aftershave. Just because it was my ex’s favorite kind didn’t mean it was him. I mean he was a singer, not an actor, so it wouldn’t be him anyway.
I was being stupid. I forced my feet to move and steadied my hands which were shaking a little at the memories that scent invoked, but it was okay. I was fine. It wasn’t him. It’s not Hudson. It’s not. As I moved deeper into wardrobe, I shook off the melancholy I was feeling and allowed myself to get excited. This was it. I was going to meet my co-star and we were going to start filming today. Everything is good. In fact everything is perfect and I am happy. I am happy. I am excited and as I sat down with Laura to get my clothes for the day, she smirked at me before handing me tight black jeans, a black leather jacket and a lose cream top.
Katie rushed me into the chair and made quick work of my hair before she fixed my face and sent me back to change and I dopped my Landon Williams persona. Now I was Grant Graham, badass cop and skilled investigator who always caught the bad guys.
I am ready. Or so I thought.
Chapter Two
HUDSON
Breathe! Just breathe! You can do this.
I repeat this mantra over and over again as Maggie and Vikki drive with me to set. Vikki is my friend, stylist and PA for the moment because I just fired my last one. Maggie is sick of me, but there’s nothing I can do about that.
“So Vikki’s in charge of styling you and I’m only coming today for a little bit, just to make introductions, but you need this.”
Yes I know. I need it. The superstar having anxiety doesn’t sell records especially when he can’t tolerate being outside without having a panic attack. I guess that’s what happens when you can’t remember the event that ruined your life and wrecked you as a person.
It’s not like I had a choice about coming here or tour or even performing our singles. I fucked everything up. Each performance was like a knife to the gut because each time I was reminded of Landon and writing the songs about him.
It wasn’t a break up album and it wasn’t like I’d written anything goof since we’d split because I couldn’t even bring myself to look in my journal. It was too full of my love for him.
Then they’d picked Love Like Ours as the lead single and I wanted to die every single time I sang it because it tore another part of me away. When the guys suggested postponing tour I’d just leapt at the chance, but now I wish I hadn’t because then I’d be ripping myself apart on stage instead of waiting to see the love of my life and how fucked up he was because of me.
I was scared, a coward like the lion in the Wizard of Oz. I was petrified to see the look on his face because I never had. I ran instead and I couldn’t watch his interviews on tv, but I did see his new show was flying and had been picked up for another few seasons already which made me so proud of him. I knew he could do it. I always had it in him.
“Hudson are you listening to me?”
I stare at Maggie vacantly trying to foce myself to focus as she talks and talks at me. I know I’m drifting again, but I have nothing left, until she says the one thing guaranteed to get my attention.
