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It takes everything inside of me to stop myself from breaking down too because I’d have been lost without him. He whimpers when I move and my eyes scan up his body as I run my fingers over his face, wiping away the moisture on his cheeks.
“Baby, please don't cry.”
Instead of my words comforting him like I intended he starts to sob harder, and I climb up on the bed ignoring the nurses words telling me I shouldn’t be on the bed. I don’t care about her as I wrap my arms around my boy.
“Baby, I’m here. It’s okay. I’ve got you. I won’t let you go. Not again. Not ever again.”
I run my fingers through his hair, and he begins to relax at my words, but I can’t help the anger that washes through me when I think back to his note. Not at Hudson. Never at Hudson, but at myself.
How could I just have left him? Who even does that?
My heart shatters as I think of him going through the last year, convinced I hated him and all alone when he was probably violated in the worst way possible.
My breathing speeds up and he lifts his head from my chest to look at me. His eyes blaze into mine and I know he can see the anger in my eyes.
“I’m sorry. You can go. You must want to…”
I crash my lips to his, stopping his words and kissing him with an urgency that causes him to gasp into my mouth. My tongue slides into his open mouth and I fight for dominance in the kiss which he gives me.
“Landon, wait… stop please?”
I instantly stop and shift back, breathing harshly against the pillows on the bed. I can’t look at him, fear of what I’ll see making me a coward.
His voice is soft, and his body shifts a little away from me as he speaks in a shaky whisper.
“I don’t… I don’t understand.”
It’s in this moment that I hate myself, more than I ever have before. My whole body trembles as I turn to face him, taking in his flushed cheeks, glassy eyes and kiss swollen lips.
He looks heaven sent and I feel the familiarity of our love in my chest.
“What don’t you understand, baby?”
His eyes widen at my words, and he hesitantly slips his fingers between mine. I give his hand a soft squeeze, hoping to give him the confidence he needs to talk to me, to open up and let me in.
“What is this? Why are you here? Why did you… why did you save me?”
His voice breaks repeatedly as he gets the words out and my eyes start burning as the image of him passed out, barely breathing flashes behind my eyes.
“Because I’m still yours. I belong to you and you belong to me.”
His breath catches and he stares at me in complete and utter disbelief.
“No. You left. You hate me. You should. I betrayed you… I ruined everything…”
His words hit like knives to my chest, and I reach up with my free hand, cupping his cheek as I move closer to him, craving his warmth and his touch.
“Baby, did you really? What happened that day wasn’t your fault.”
He begins to shake his head and drops his gaze to my chest. It devastates me to see the effect that this has had on my boy.
“Baby…” I begin, hooking my thumb under his chin before I continue. “I don’t hate you. I never did. I wished I could because I thought it would be easier, but I still loved you too much to let you go.”
He opens his mouth to interrupt, and I put my thumb over his lips.
“No. Let me finish. I don’t blame you for what happened. In fact, part of me wonders if…” I glance up meeting his gaze and squeezing his hand to give me the courage to continue.
“I… part of… do you think…. Fuck!”
