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“We need to talk.”
My heart starts racing and I can’t help the swoop of fear that surges through me at his words, but then his hands cup my cheeks and he holds my gaze with soft eyes.
“Okay. We can talk.”
I know I’m trying to convince myself to be brave, but I’m still petrified he’ll leave me again and even though he says he doesn’t have to forgive me for what happened, I think he does or at least needs to talk it out with me.
“Hudson,” Landon began in a soft whisper, and I shuddered at the love in his voice because I hadn’t heard it directed at me in the longest time.
“I don’t blame you. I wish you’d told me about him trying to kiss you before then but what happened that day is my fault.”
I start to shake my head and he presses a soft kiss to my lips when I open my mouth to protest.
“Ssshh, listen to me please?”
He waits until I now and then runs his fingers delicately down my arms causing my heartbeat to jump around. The sound interrupts the moment, and he starts giggling causing me to laugh for the first time in what feels like forever. We kiss again and laugh for a while before the nurse tuts and walks out of the room, closing the door sharply at her back.
“Okay, so what was I say before your heart distracted me?”
He’s smiling his brightest smile. The one that was just for me that crinkles his eyes and my heart leaps again at the sight because this is the first time in over a year that I’ve seen this smile.
“I love you…”
The words leave my mouth without permission. My brain to mouth filter is broken by the comfort and peace I feel. I want to face palm or run away and hide from his reaction.
His smile softens and he leans down, kissing me over and over until my body thrums with lust and my cock strains against my pants. I shift closer, grinding against him when a loud bang outside the room reminds us of where we are.
We both break apart breathing hard and I lie on my back, staring at the white tiles on the ceiling. Our harsh breaths and the slowing of the beeps on the machine beside me keep us company as we calm our bodies down.
“God, Huds, you distract me like nothing else.”
He smiles and gently runs his thumb over the back of my hand before linking our hands.
“What was I saying?”
I glance his way and see his forehead furrowed as he thinks about what he was saying. I remember. He was trying to blame himself for what happened that day, but I can’t let him. It was me. I was the one who told him I didn’t want to come out. I was the one who pushed him away. As I begin to get lost in my thoughts his hand squeezes mine and I turn my gaze to him to see him watching me.
“Stop it. I can see what you’re doing, and you need to stop. I was telling you how it was my fault…”
“It wasn’t…” I begin and he shakes his head.
“Stop and listen to me. I’m not saying you’re entirely blameless but I’m guiltier than you. I was just so excited to finally get to tell everyone you were mine, and when you told me you didn’t want to come out, it crushed me. Logically I knew that us being together was more than us being out, but it hurt me that you wanted to keep hiding when you knew how hard hiding was on me and on us.”
I want to say something. I want to tell him I’d take it all back, go public with him in an instant if I’d know what would happen that day but before I can he speaks again.
“I ran away from it, from you and us and sat on the beach, thinking and letting the ocean calm me down. I wanted to come home, but I was too proud and then when I did… Fuck, I don’t think I’ll ever stop seeing that….”
His voice cracks and I can hear the sobs as he speaks but I know he needs to get it all out, so I squeeze his fingers and keep my eyes on his.
“I ran away. I didn’t think about how out of it you were. I saw it all the time, when I slept I woke up screaming and I couldn’t function, so I threw myself into work, working myself to the point of complete exhaustion so I could sleep. I missed you every single fucking moment of the day and it killed me but what’s killing me worse now is that I know it wasn’t your fault.”
His gaze darkens and I know that look. I remember it well from our high school years when he beat the shit out of the guy who was bullying me in gym class.
My eyes narrow at him and he nods before leaning close to me and pressing a kiss to my forehead.
“I want to fix this somehow.”
He swallows and keeps his lips pressed to my hairline. Part of me is worried about what’s coming, but the rest of me is thrumming with anticipation because I want Xander to pay. I want to make him suffer for what he’s done to me.
