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Yet there was no denying how badly I’d fucked this up.
She’d fallen into a near-submissive state, leaning on me for my strength during what had to have been a traumatic moment of seeing her brother at a sex club with his best friend, and I’d told her to leave.
Worse, I’d made her feel small.
Rejected.
“I hate you.”
Those three words would forever haunt my mind. Because she’d meant them. I wasn’t sure when or where we’d gone so wrong, but this was the only way I knew how to fix it—by giving her what she needed.
She stared up at me with big, watery blue eyes. “D-dominating me?”
“Yes. We started a scene when you went to your knees, and I unfairly ended it.” I released her chin to cup her cheek. “I read all your cues. I knew you were interested. But I allowed other factors to influence my mindset. It won’t happen again.”
Because I was firmly treating her as Jen. A baby sub. Brand new to this world. Probably not even aware herself of how easily she’d fallen into her role here.
That made her mental state fragile.
She might not even be ready for this.
Perhaps we should start there instead since she didn’t seem keen on sharing her history.
“Why did Adalyn bring you here tonight?” I asked, opting for this route of questioning. “Did she tell you what Ecstasy is about?”
She nodded, her eyes drooping a little as the motion caused her cheek to rub my palm.
“What did she tell you?”
“It’s a members-only BDSM club,” she whispered, her eyelashes flickering as she forced her eyes open again. “You’re a member.”
“I am.”
“And my brother…”
“Is my guest tonight,” I told her. “But we’re not talking about Jax right now.” I couldn’t think about him, or this would all go to hell again. “Why did Adalyn bring you here tonight?” I asked again, needing to take charge of this conversation.
“Operation Forget…”
I frowned. “Operation Forget what?”
She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It does. This is all about communication, Jen. I need to know why you’re here. Aside from your desire for orgasms.” Which had probably been one of the most shocking things I’d ever heard from her. And I’d reacted exactly the wrong way to it.
I’d reacted the wrong way to everything.
“She brought me here to…” She trailed off. “To watch. To learn. To, I don’t know, find a guy for the night. She comes here often. She thought it would be a good way to help me move on.”
“Move on from what?” I asked, frowning. Or “Who?” might be the better question. Had she been seeing someone? Had he hurt her?
What idiot would be dumb enough to hurt her?
Her gaze shuttered, telling me I wouldn’t get much out of her on this topic.
I supposed that was fair, given what I’d just done.
“It’s nothing. Just an old crush.” She shook her head. “Adalyn thought this would be a good idea.” Her expression cleared a bit, some of the Jenica I knew peeking through. “It obviously wasn’t.”
