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The pantry.
I yank the door open and grab a bottle of rum. Not bothering with a cup, I rush back to my room.
Sitting on my bed, I clench the jar with both of my shaking hands, then take a large gulp. It does little to ease the pain in my chest or darkness creeping in. I swallow another swig. Over and over again until the darkness takes over.
* * *
Almost an entire week has passed since the shooting, since I saw him. There have been two more shootings on Oahu, waking the entire island in the middle of the night. Large swatches of roads with traces of ammonia or bleach have been found but no blood. No bodies.
I’ve been reading the paper after Damien finishes with it every morning. Watching the news as the voices in my head spiral out of control. Fifteen people are missing. Bad people. People who sell drugs on street corners late at night and turn young children into orphans.
Ka Hoahanau.
The Brotherhood.
Members vanished, gone without a trace, nearly their entire gang.
Hugging one of my pillows, I sit on the floor in my room. As I stare out my window, watching the first rays of sunshine glisten over the crystal ocean, a slight smile spreads across my lips. My nightmares have gotten worse, the memories never fading. Yet, for the first time in years, I have hope.
Hope that there might be a bright future. Hope that someone is cleaning the islands, pushing Ka Hoahanau and all the other bad people out of the corners UPO forced them into. Hope that I might one day be safe.
As the sun rises higher in the sky, I stand and toss my pillow on the bed. I turn toward my bathroom. It's dirty. Dirty like me. I need to clean it. Heading into the hallway, I open the supply closet to grab some cleansers. I pause, seeing empty shelves. Nearly all empty.
I shake my head. I couldn't have made that many messes, caused that much work for the maids. There are normally enough bottles here to clean the entire island several times over. Holding in a sigh, I grab what supplies I can find and head back into my room. Pulling my hair up into a bun, I scour every inch of the bathroom until my knuckles are raw.
“I'm not dirty,” I whisper as I examine my progress, “I can be clean. I can be good.” I will be good.
Smiling, I head out of my room.
A few hushed whispers from the great room draw me that way. Yet as soon as I come into view, they quiet.
Eight pairs of eyes land on me. Silently judging me, knowing I don't belong. I shrink back a step, but before I can fully retreat, Damien speaks up.
“Good. You're up. We're leaving in five.” His eyes scan my body, his lips set in a hard, disapproving line. “Change into something nice.”
I stutter, my mouth falling open. I start to ask him where we are going, but stop myself. He didn't tell me. It's not my business. Instead, I gape at him, clammy hands fingering the edge of my oversized T-shirt.
Tailored black slacks, black dress shirt, black vest, his outfit gives no indication of what plans he has made for the day.
Eventually I nod, darting back to my room.Three minutes left to change.
A dress. Dresses are always good.
Selecting a white mini dress, I quickly tug my shirt and sweatpants off, then pull the dress over my head and shimmy into it. One minute left. My heart races. I don’t have time to fix the loose bun on top of my head. Applying a coat of lip gloss, I check my reflection. A dirty, used imposter stares back at me.My palms sweat.
I reach for my vanity drawer, but I’m all out of pills. I shake my head. Leaving all my thoughts with my mirror, I grab the closest pair of heels and hurry into the great room.
By the time I make it to the entranceway, almost everyone has left. Only Damien and Kane remain. Damien nods as I slip on my shoes. No words, no compliments. Just a nod. He grabs his briefcase, then we head down.
The ride to the first floor is long and silent. As we near the main floor, tension balls inside my stomach. Memories of the last time I left the apartment swirl in my head.
Will I see him again? Is he watching? Waiting for me?
I bite my bottom lip, toying with the hem of my dress. Beside me, Damien and Kane stand stoic. Not a word or blink between the two of them. Strong. Safe.As the doors slide open, I take a breath, pretending that both men are there for me, protecting me.
They won't let him hurt me.
With one more deep breath, I follow them into the lobby.
