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I stare at the packet on the floor, it will have to wait. Forcing a reply, I finish drying off. After throwing on a white sundress with pink flowers, I stuff the powder in my purse and meet Kane in the living room.
Bright sun shines through the floor-to-ceiling windows in the otherwise empty room. Clutching my purse tighter, I breathe a sigh of relief that Damien isn’t here. I don’t have to face him yet.
My stomach knots, knowing that time will come, eventually. When he finds out, my time here will end. Still, I clutch the purse, knowing I’m not strong enough to fight the memories, the darkness.
“Ready?” Kane asks.
I glance around again. “Where’s Hector?” The two have always guarded me together.
He clears his throat, staring at the locked door to the west wing before meeting my gaze. “He was . . . Um . . . Reassigned.”
I swallow the fire bubbling up my throat. If Damien knew the truth, would he reassign me as well?
I turn back down the hallway, toward Damien’s office, bringing back memories of the bloodied security guard from yesterday. Blood. Bright-red drops on the plastic tarp over the white floor.
My stomach turns. I wobble on my feet.
“Are you sure you want to go?”
“Yeah.” I take a deep breath, clutching my purse close to my side. One trip. One little trip, then I can find my release. Then the memories will disappear. “Let’s go.”
* * *
Turning in a circle inside the upscale shoe store on Kalakaua Avenue, I sigh.
I don't deserve to be here.
Kane stands in a corner, staring more at the giant tree outside than watching me.
He doesn't know.
If he did, would he tell his boss? Inside my head, the voices scream at me, reminding me over and over what I am. All the gold and glitz of the high-end shop fade, darkness creeping in. Pain shoots through my brain, like a thick needle.
I clutch my purse tightly, the remedy. My escape. I wish I didn't need it. I wish I was strong enough to push the darkness out. My legs wobble. Taking a few hesitant steps, I lean against a counter display, trying to force out the pain.
I take one, deep breath, then another. In and out. As the darkness closes in, I focus on a single pair of shoes in front of me.
White. Solid white. With bright-red soles.
Like the red blood on Damien's white floor, it captivates all of my attention.
Eventually, the darkness recedes, and I pick up the shoe, mesmerized by the bright red.
My head still pounds, my stomach turns. But the shoe calls to me. When Damien finds out, will my blood be as red?
“This the one?”
“Huh?” I glance up to find Kane beside me. I turn back to the high heel, flipping it over to run my thumb along the smooth, bright-red bottom.
Another dizzy wave crashes over me as I clutch it tighter. The lights in the store start to fade. Everything goes dark. Everything except the blood-red shoe.
I need to get out of here. I need to shut my mind off. Escape.
“Yeah. This one.” I shove it at him. “Size six. I-I need a walk . . . I'll see you at home.” I stutter the words, already on my way out the door.
I pause on the sidewalk, leaning against one of the stalks of the Banyan tree. The salty air from the beach a block away, washes over me with the soft breeze. Peeking through the other shops, I can just make out a few waves.
Inside the shoe store, Kane fidgets at the checkout counter. He pivots from one foot to the next, tapping a black credit card on the marble counter while he glances back and forth from me to the stockroom.
