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“You get clean.” He hands me a wet washcloth. “Den go find Damien.” He shakes his head, then turns and leaves.
Burying my face in the cloth, I cry. Eventually the tears dry up. Turning, I glance into my full-length mirror.
“He'll hate me.”
The words bring more tears. I try to remember that he’s broken, too. But he's not broken like me. He's not bad.
The voices scream at me, begging me to pick the hanger back up and fix it.He doesn't have to know how. I can fix it. Make it all go away.
“Ready?”
Damien's reflection joins mine in the mirror. Confident and happy, until he sees my face.
His shoulders fall. “Everything will be fine. We'll leave as soon as you’re ready. I can call the doctor and push back the appointment. Then we can get away from here. Spend as much time there as you want. It will all be fine. You'll see.”
I think his words are more for him than me. I'm not fine. Nothing will be fine.
* * *
The drive to Ala Wai Harbor is too short. Beside me, Damien smiles, driving his favorite car, a cherry-red Acura NSX. I open my mouth to talk half a dozen times, but by the time he pulls in and parks in front of the docks, I still haven't managed a single word.Every time I’ve glanced over, he’s been smiling, happy. Hopping out, he rushes around the car and opens my door. Taking his hand, I let him help me out.
Three guards surround us, standing sentinel as they survey the harbor. Velasquez opens the trunk and grabs our bags, hoisting them on his shoulder as Damien leads me down the docks.I shudder, even though it’s warm out. If they knew how bad I was, would they still be here?
The sun shines bright in the clear sky. Soft waves roll across the crystal water. A slight breeze floats through the air, drifting along my skin and through my hair. Dozens of bright sails dot the harbor and bay. Yet all I can see is faded misery.
With each step, my heart grows heavier, guilt and dread weighing it down.
“I . . . I can't go,” I stammer when we reach Damien's slip.
“It will be fine.” He holds me tighter. “Traveling by boat is perfectly –“
“No.” I shake my head, my feet freezing as I shiver in the afternoon sun. Tears cloud my vision. “I can't see him.”
Damien's arms wrap around me. He kisses the top of my head, then pulls me close. “I will be right beside you, every step, keeping you safe.”
Safe.
If he knew everything, I wouldn't be safe. Still, in his arms I relax. Resting my head against his hard chest, my nerves calm as I listen to his strong heartbeat.
Thump-thump. Thump-thump.
Like a steady drum, it lulls me away from the voices.
“Come on.” He kisses the top of my head, then releases me. Taking my hand, he leads me to a large, white catamaran.
“All loaded, sir.” Velasquez nods before standing in line with the other men.
“Good.” Damien tosses his car keys at him.
“Really?” The teenager catches them, his eyes lighting up as he glances back at the NSX.
“Don't scratch it. Take care of that shipment.”
“Yes, sir.”
With my hand still in his, Damien leads me up a few steps and onto the back of the luxury yacht. It sways, tipping with the gentle waves. My stomach revolts. I clutch the railing.
“It'll steady once we get out of the bay.”
