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‘And are you managing with work?’ Caroline reached for a biscuit from the tin that sat between them on the table.
Stella smiled a little. ‘Yes, everyone’s been brilliant.’ Most of her colleagues had been with her since Star Pots’ early days and even though Stella was the public face of the company, they really were a team. She’d told them Simon would be away for a while and that they’d have to manage without him for the time being. She hadn’t elaborated and they didn’t question her further, knowing that Stella would tell them in her own time what was going on if she wanted to. A temporary finance manager was being recruited, so, other than keeping an eye on the business, Stella was able to keep in touch from home. ‘But, to be honest,’ she sighed, looking up at Caroline, ‘I’m going to need to get back to it sooner rather than later, given that we’ve still got bills to pay and it looks like I’m the only one paying them for the time being.’ Her stomach dropped at the thought, but she knew they were in a far more fortunate position than most with some savings in the bank, a roof over their heads and family and friends who seemingly wouldn’t leave her alone, for now at least.
‘You know, I didn’t want to say anything, but I’ve never…’
Stella shook her head at her sister. ‘Caro, please don’t. I know you’ve never liked Simon.’
‘It’s not that I didn’t… don’t like him, it’s just that I couldn’t ever really get a grip on who he was as a person. He’s without history. I mean, who doesn’t do Facebook? What about that other one? Link Up or whatever it’s called.’
Stella fixed Caroline with her eyes, tears threatening to fall again. ‘Please, don’t,’ she whispered. ‘I feel bad enough as it is. Honestly, I have no idea why he’s gone. No idea. And no, he didn’t do LinkedIn either. Hated stuff like that.’ Stella looked up at the ceiling, as if expecting an answer to come from somewhere. ‘I know you all thought I married him too soon, that I was too young. That we had children too quickly.’
‘Oh, come on, Stella, we’ve never said that.’
‘No, but I know you and Dad think so.’
‘Have you told Dad yet?’
‘Not yet. Have you?’ Stella looked at her sister.
‘Of course not, that’s up to you. He’d want to know though. You know that don’t you?’
Stella sighed. ‘I don’t want to worry him.’ She didn’t want to admit that the reason she’d held off was because she’d fully expected Simon to be back by now, having realised how much he missed and loved them.
But that hadn’t happened. Instead, she’d been left with no clues as to when he’d be back. If he’d be back. Not only that, Simon seemed to have taken her courage and strength with him, leaving her fumbling from one day to the next, wondering how long her life would feel like it was on hold. She felt utterly wretched.
Caroline stood up and made her way across the kitchen. ‘I’m going to make you some tea and then you’re going to sit on the sofa and read a magazine or watch some mindless television or something. I’ll get the children from school. And I’ve brought you some supper, so I can leave that in the fridge for you to heat up.’
‘Thank you.’ Stella sighed again, grateful for her sister’s kindness.
‘Is Bridget coming over later?’
‘Yes, she’s dropping in on her way back from work apparently. But, honestly, you really don’t have to organise round-the-clock care for me, I’m fine.’
Caroline looked at Stella, her face drained of colour. Her hair was drawn back off her face, her cheeks sallow. ‘Darling, you are not fine. And if this was happening to any of us, you’d be doing the same thing. Now, do as you’re told and take this to the sofa.’ Caroline handed her a steaming mug of tea.
Stella knew there was no point in arguing and, anyway, she simply didn’t have the strength. ‘Thank you.’ She returned Caroline’s smile, took the mug and made her way into the sitting room.
‘Right, I’m going to take Percy for a quick walk, then I’ll go and get the kids. You rest, I’ll see you in a bit.’
Stella heard the front door close behind Caroline. She lay back on the sofa and closed her eyes, wanting sleep to come so her mind would stop whirring. Her head ached.
She reached for her phone just to check again to see if there was anything she might have missed. Perhaps there was something in their text exchanges before he left that might explain why he’d gone, something she just hadn’t spotted before, although she’d looked endlessly already. Practically knew their last exchanges by heart, having gone over them so many times. Things had been a little tense with work and children, but nothing that had given Stella cause for concern. She scrolled through her phone, seeing his words swim before her eyes. Maybe she’d been kidding herself all along? Maybe he had never really loved her at all? Even so, you didn’t just walk out on your family. That was unfair. Unforgivable, even.
Tears fell down her cheeks, but for the first time since he’d left, they were tears of anger. She felt a rage she hadn’t known before, making her heart thump against her chest. She was, Stella realised, absolutely bloody furious with him.
* * *
‘I think this is a good thing,’ said Bridget. She paused, pointing her fork at Stella for effect.
‘What do you mean?’ Stella took a small mouthful of Caroline’s – delicious, it had to be said – lasagne. It was the first time for weeks Stella had felt like she really needed to eat. Anger had made her hungry.
‘Feeling like this, you know? It’s the first time you’ve actually said you’re cross with him for leaving.’
Stella took a slow sip of the red wine in her glass, warm bramble fruit flavours filling her mouth. ‘It’s almost like I don’t want to believe anything other than it’s just temporary. Because if I do, I have to acknowledge there’s a big problem.’ She put her glass down. ‘And if I do that, it means we can’t just pick up where we left off when he does finally come back. Does that make any sense?’
‘Kind of.’ Bridget took another mouthful. ‘God, your sister’s good.’ She gestured to the food.
Stella nodded and smiled.
